MONGRELS! The OTHER Epic Peom of Gilgamesh

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MONGRELS! The OTHER Epic Peom of Gilgamesh

Unread post by HeartCard » February 4th, 2009, 5:25 pm

Sit back and enjoy as we take on the lesser known EPIC POEM of Gilgamesh.
Just like the known Epic Poem, this one features no qualities a Poem should.
We shall join Gilgamesh weekly as he endures the harsh weather as

SIDENOTE: This fanfic is designed to create lulz while answer questions about
Fate/Stay night you never thought to ask.
Why DOES a priest wear a very dark blue trenchcoat?
Why WAS Gilgamesh able to appear so suddenly when Caster Attacked?
And why did Kirei Kotomine know where Shirou Lived?
We shall ask, and we shall know.


Pain, agony, failure. The feelings of the Golden Armoured Servant clamour in his head.

He had lost the 4th grail war. Beaten and battered from having a failure of a master.

It was not that his master was insufficient, no.
The Golden Armoured Servant, King of Heroes, Gilgamesh had made a careless mistake.
Shortly after being summoned, he scouted the town. And there he saw it.

Gleaming in all it's beauty. The Not-So-Golden Rooftop of Fuyuki City.
It called for him, and he went. And he spent every available moment there.
Little did he know that the rooftop belonged to one Kiritsugu Emiya, a master in the same war.

Kiritsugu would one day follow the servant back to his master, and then kill him.

But he was fortunate. Kiritsugu Emiya had destroyed the Holy Grail, the object of their war, shortly thereafter.
The contents of the incompleted Grail rained down upon Gilgamesh and his Master, tainted them with it.
And keeping them both alive.
Kirei Kotomine surviving a deadly wound from a HEADSHOT, and Gilgamesh a fail death from having no mana.

For ten years, he has remained on that rooftop, as if to mock his own mistake.
Servants hold the ability to become pure spirtual entities to conserve mana and to remain unseen.
It has been ten years. And for ten years he has been on this rooftop, and for however many more he wishes shall he remain.

And the day begins as it does every few months. He wakes up to a trail of cookie crumbs leads from besides his head,
to a church on a hill. He would kick away the unclean crumbs from his rooftop, and later complain to the fake priest about littering on his property.
And so he does just as he would once every few months, when the priest needed to speak with him.

He arrives at the church, his black leather jacket and very large upspiked hair.
He kicks open the door and points with both his index fingers at the priest in the back "Ayyyyyeee."

Kirei: "Have you been watching those horrible American Imported TV Shows from the rooftop again?"
Gilgamesh: "Horrible? MONGREL! You have no taste! Not in Entertainment or Cookies! GATE OF BABYLON!"
*Sends a small dagger from the Gate into Kirei's arm. Kirei plucks it out*
Kirei: "...Do you know how much I work out? How hard I work to get such a buff body? Now I have to put on my damn trench coat again until this heals!!"
*Kirei points at Gilgamesh's face*
Kirei: "NO COOKIE!"
*Sends SilverPoint, the prototype for both the toothpick and the sewing needle, from his Gate through Kireis index finger. Making a noticabley small bloody dot and stream while leaving the finger completely useable.*
Kirei: "...fgsdgs...Now I'll have to hide my hands behind my back when talking..."
Gilgamesh: "And? What did you want to tell me?"
*Kirei takes his coat from a nearby seating row and puts it on*
Kirei: "The fifth grail war has begun. I just thought you should know."
Gilgamesh: "I see...And?"
Kirei: "..."
Gilgamesh: "..."
Kirei: "There is nothing e-"
Gilgamesh: "MONGREL!" *Stomps out*

And so the war would begin. The only servant who hap-hazardly managed to survive the last grail war returns to his Rooftop to bode until he is entertained.
He enters the premise and jumps to the Roof, the house's chime goes off. The tenate must be either severely paranoid and not get much sleep anymore. One might even say he could be so deprived of sleep from this chime, a defense alerting the owner someone has entered the premise without permission, he might pass out in the shed on the premises while working on junk.

Chapter 1: Death of a Boy

And so the King of heroes watchs the next day pass by. The purple haired girl who came by as always. He sensed something important about her, but it would not be important in this lifetime(route).
The young man leaves the shred he had appearently slept in, and goes into the dojo on the premises. Probably working out.

The king of heroes watchs in boredom, almost wishing death to the boy. Infact, he reachs inside the Gate of babylon and pulls out the prototype for both the Pen and Paper.
In his time however, pen and paper were forbidden. For the papers of those times were cursed. Whomevers name is written on the parchments shall die.
And so the King of Heroes wrote. He had lived on this glorious rooftop long enough to know the name of the tenates.
Gilgamesh: *Scribbling* "Emiya...Shirou. Stabbed in the heart.... Wait let's make this interesting.
Shirou Emiya. Cut by thin air.
Now the question is, which will this paper choose?"

Lancer: "...Bazzette?"
Kirei *Removes the command seal*: "Ohh...shiney."
Lancer: "..."
Kirei: "...So...Coffee?"
Lancer: "Gae...B"
Kirei: "AM NOT!"
Lancer: "..."
Kirei: "Oh...Your phantasm...You can't kill me."
Lancer: "Heh, and why's that?"
Kirei: "I'm a heartless bastard."
Lancer: "...Touche."
Kirei: "So I guess...I'm your master huh?"
Lancer: "..." *Looks at his former master's body* "..."
Kirei: "Right, well...We'll need to make you a disguise. Oh I know. This is a church! Here, put this on."
Lancer: "Black and white? The hell is this?"
Kirei: "The clothing of a previous person who was at this church."
Lancer: "...THIS iS A NUN'S OUTFIT!"
Kirei: "And to think, she decided a hat would be more fashionable."
*Lancer storms off to the back of the church*
Kirei: "Couldn't be helped, I didn't want to change diapers on those orphans all day long."

(EDIT: This is a Reverse Casuality Joke. Because Shirou's death would be "Stabbed in the Heart",
Lancer was summoned.)

Back at the Not-So-Golden-Rooftop:

Gilgamesh: "Oh I forgot...Since this is the Prototype of the prototype Deathnote...It's alot slower..."
*The Golden Servant throws the paper and pin behind him, landing in the Gate.*

Two Days
In such time, the note shall activate and the boy shall die.

And so the day ended nearly. It was time for the violet-haired tenate to return to her house.
To a place under a different rooftop.
A roof he had never known.
The idea burned inside the Golden Servant's heart. As he watched her leave, he followed her.
The distance between them are not too far nor too short. She would know she was being followed,
but not by whom.
It is not that the Golden Servant was being clever, nor sneaky.
It just seemed like too much damn effort to get off the roof quickly, and too much more effort to hide his presence.

And so he followed her home without her knowledge. And behold, there it was. Her rooftop.
It was a failure of a Rooftop. Ridged, Jagged, in all manners a failure of a rooftop.
It was not that it was so disgusting to the servant that he felt pity.
But that it was so horrid he would ignore he ever saw it.

And so he returned to his proper place in the world. On the perfect Rooftop. His rooftop.
If his Prototype Note worked properly, he would be entertained in two days when this house's tenate would be
stabbed in the heart, and then sliced by thin air.
The later would prove to amuse him somehow.
Last edited by HeartCard on February 7th, 2009, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread post by Xanathos » February 5th, 2009, 4:18 am

Someone has been reading the 'what will they tell the kids' thread.

Nice work btw.

that one guy
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Unread post by that one guy » February 7th, 2009, 6:31 am


Might just like this board
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Unread post by Headron » February 7th, 2009, 6:57 am


i have to thank you. you took my idea and turned it into something that will bring lols for hours.
► Show Spoiler
Gilgamesh: Stupid MONGRELS forcing me to live on a roof for eternity.


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Unread post by HeartCard » February 7th, 2009, 10:31 am

Update: Chapter 1 finished/added.

Chapter two will be up in a few days or so.
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Unread post by Xamdou » February 8th, 2009, 9:04 am

I love that Kirei's heartless bastard part
"You sit proudly in this cave , like a Queen of Egypt.
In my service to you , I shall never know rest.
To prove my devotion , I have stolen this ostentatious offering.
But I'll show you things your dark blue eye haven't seen , smiles like a lake in the sun , blossoming like a lotus."

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Unread post by inferno_flamex » February 8th, 2009, 10:03 am


Stabbed in the heart and sliced by thin air...


I know someone who can 'slice with thin air'...
impressive!.. XDDDD
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Re: MONGRELS! The OTHER Epic Peom of Gilgamesh

Unread post by Ataraxia » July 28th, 2009, 5:54 am

wow i like this, Gilgamesh turned into a comedy X3 my hated for Gilgamesh is gone now o.O

make chapter 2 please X3

Gilgamesh: You stupid MONGREL. why the effing word do you want me to suffer like this

Ataraxia: cause i hate you and your funny

Gilgamesh:"Gates Of Babylon" *took ea* You hate me eh?? well hate me more!

Ataraxia:uhm...... you're a character of Fate/Stay Night... and i'm a character of Darkro (paladin).... so........ is a fight

Gilgamesh: yeah I am. But i can still kill you here. ENUMA ELI..

Ataraxia: WAIT

Gilgamesh: What now??

Ataraxia: I have no pots >.>

Gilgamesh: The hell i care just die "ENUMA ELI....

Ataraxia: Sacrifice!! *5hits to Gilgamesh with 45k damage*

Gilgamesh:WTF that was fast. *skill has failed*

Ataraxia: haha i have more dex than you. you may have a golden armor but i have a valkyrie armor Bwahahahaha

*Gilgamesh crawls back to the roof*

*Ataraxia went back to prontera*

ok the end
out of ideas

BTW my character name in DarkRO is Ataraxia and the job is a Paladin.

sorry if it's not that funny. still a noob here >,<

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