remake of type-moon + Verzerrter Mond (RoTver 2.0)

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zweiterversuch
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remake of type-moon + Verzerrter Mond (RoTver 2.0)

Unread post by zweiterversuch » February 22nd, 2008, 2:22 am

NOW IT IS DONE!!!!!

FINALLY!

There are no spirits and it has a lot of grammatical mistakes but I have done it!!!


Typemoon Remake ver 2.01
Verzerrter Mond

Chapter 1
"A monster's everyday life"

http://www.typemoon.us/visual-novels/ch ... 84875027=1


done with FIRE!
the Online VN engine.


BTW: If you find some grammatical mistakes tell me. That way the story will just keep getting better.
Last edited by zweiterversuch on May 22nd, 2009, 12:33 am, edited 11 times in total.

zweiterversuch
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Re: remake of type-moon

Unread post by zweiterversuch » April 29th, 2008, 11:41 am

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:43 am, edited 5 times in total.

Lusor
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Unread post by Lusor » April 29th, 2008, 1:02 pm

Great work.

zweiterversuch
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Re: remake of type-moon

Unread post by zweiterversuch » April 30th, 2008, 2:59 am

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:43 am, edited 5 times in total.

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ayadew
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Unread post by ayadew » April 30th, 2008, 9:32 am

Some very weird expressions, and I felt you'd not really thought this through, structuring, just writing whatever you felt like.. well, there's a charm to that also.
I'm perfectionist sadly, so all this hampers how much I can enjoy a story.
Try to distinguish people talking, not just
"xx"
"yy"
"xx"
Explain who is talking first, then introduce the other characters. Describe more what's happening! =)
Also I prefer more details about the surroundings, it really adds more to a story if you can get a feeling for the environment.

I did read it all through though, that if anything means what you wrote was interesting
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!

Lusor
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Unread post by Lusor » April 30th, 2008, 1:28 pm

Very interesting chapter. I want more soon if it's possible

zweiterversuch
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Unread post by zweiterversuch » April 30th, 2008, 7:01 pm

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:43 am, edited 5 times in total.

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Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 1st, 2008, 11:25 pm

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:43 am, edited 5 times in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

Lusor
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Unread post by Lusor » May 2nd, 2008, 7:44 pm

good chapter. I liked this Nanaya Shiki.

zweiterversuch
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Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 2nd, 2008, 9:02 pm

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:44 am, edited 3 times in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

Lusor
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Joined: April 8th, 2008, 8:16 pm

Unread post by Lusor » May 3rd, 2008, 6:58 pm

Good, new chapter.
Shiki's mother are dead... Killed by the Tohno maybe?
Did the Tohno try kill the Nanaya clan like the canon but they couldn't do it?

PD: Sorry for my bad english, I can read it very well but I can't write correctly.

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Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 4th, 2008, 9:19 pm

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:44 am, edited 6 times in total.

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Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 5th, 2008, 4:34 am

Well. As you may have seen I have added some fanart based on the chapters of this Fanfic.
The images are in the Spoiler boxes at the end of each chapter.
The Fanart for "Blind spider and soiled Heron (PT1&2)" are still unfinished. I will post them later.
This doesn't mean the story is already at its end. No, no,no... It is just the beginning.
Last edited by zweiterversuch on May 5th, 2008, 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

Lusor
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Joined: April 8th, 2008, 8:16 pm

Unread post by Lusor » May 5th, 2008, 1:59 pm

A very good fanfic and fanarts it's a good mix

zweiterversuch
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Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 5th, 2008, 10:17 pm

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

zweiterversuch
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Posts: 1424
Joined: February 7th, 2008, 6:53 pm

Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 7th, 2008, 2:38 am

edit
Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:47 am, edited 2 times in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

Lusor
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Posts: 11
Joined: April 8th, 2008, 8:16 pm

Unread post by Lusor » May 7th, 2008, 1:20 pm

Good chapter

zweiterversuch
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Re:

Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 22nd, 2009, 12:33 am

Check the first post!!!!
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

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abscess
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Re: remake of type-moon + Verzerrter Mond (RoTver 2.0)

Unread post by abscess » May 22nd, 2009, 12:50 am

How come I never knew of this demo?
Anyway, its good!
I didn't quite get the part where the teacher praises Akiha while she is... thinking of his brother or something. You could put some more thought in selecting the BGMs too so they are less intrusive.
Also, one final note, what's with the ending? It just stopped... Is there anything more?
"I settled for that shriek. Those dull vacant eyes... oiled cabbage stench of her...! [...] You know what? I'm sorry if I'm not gonna do this the way you want me to or the way you might. But I will not make an angel out of someone who wasn't an angel...!" -Chief Tyrol, on his beloved wife.
Have you heard about the saying that goes something like "drunk people and kids tell no lies"? Well, that's just a fallacy.

zweiterversuch
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Re: remake of type-moon + Verzerrter Mond (RoTver 2.0)

Unread post by zweiterversuch » May 22nd, 2009, 12:57 am

abscess wrote:How come I never knew of this demo?
Anyway, its good!
I didn't quite get the part where the teacher praises Akiha while she is... thinking of his brother or something. You could put some more thought in selecting the BGMs too so they are less intrusive.
Also, one final note, what's with the ending? It just stopped... Is there anything more?

After that comes the second chapter.

btw: Are you online?

help me editing please!!!
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!

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