is optional, but then again its up to you guys how you want to correct it.
April 6 (Thu)
Kana: "Oh, I just thought that it was about time that your lesson should be ending"
Problem: Missing period
Kana: "(Shut up! We're full of energy and are still growing!)"
Problem: Sounds funny. Remove the 'are'.
Correction: "(Shut up! We're full of energy and still growing!)"
Kuu: "You really are popular."
Problem: Could be changed into You're, remove the are.
"You're really popular."
Yuuichi: At first, she was coming to help around the house since I'm taking care of her former pet dog, but...
Problem: Tense, should be past. And I believe that Mikan belonged to Misa, not Risa, so it should be stated that it was her sister's dog (since Yuuichi is describing Risa in this line). It would also be optional to remind everyone that Misa is dead, so you could put deceased before her sister. See below.
Correction: At first, she was coming to help around the house since I was taking care of her deceased
sister's pet dog, but...
Yuuichi: [...] and the friends (Kana and Kuu) that often come here. Along with transportation she can use for free if she asks.
Problem: The second sentance, seems fragmented and awkward sounding. Possible correction below.
[...] and the friends (Kana and Kuu) that often come here. She gets free transportation as well if she asks.
Yuuichi: I'm testing Mikan for her upcoming test for her "light duty workdog" license.
Problem: One of the "for"'s should be changed to "on". Its up to you.
I'm testing Mikan on her upcoming test for her "light duty workdog" license.
I'm testing Mikan for her upcoming test on her "light duty workdog" license.
I'll pay Kuu's bill for now, and I'll have Mutsuki-san pay me when I go tutor her at place next time.
Problem: Repetitive I'll, remove the second one. Also, the line "tutor her at place". Missing "my" or "her", I'm not sure which one it is.
I'll pay Kuu's bill for now, and have Mutsuki-san pay me when I go tutor her at my place next time.
I'll pay Kuu's bill for now, and have Mutsuki-san pay me when I go tutor her at her place next time.
Risa: "But...This is how it is?"
Problem: Awkward order.
"But ... Is this how it is?"
Yuuichi: If an animal has the form of a person, then "that place" also has the form of a person's
Problem: Not really a problem, but you could replace person with human instead, and add too at the end.
If an animal has the form of a human, then "that place" also has the form of a human's too.
Yuuichi: In it is stir fried chiken, bitter melon, and some unknown ingredients, enough for about one-and-a-half people.
Problem: Chiken? Chicken?
Correction: In it is stir fried chicken, bitter melon, and some unknown ingredients, enough for about one-and-a-half people.
Yuuichi: They also are pretty dependable.
Problem: Wording order, could be changed, but its optional.
They're also pretty dependable.
"You're a friend, my pet dog's previous owner, and someone I don't get bored talking to."
Problem: It's optional on this one, but like above, in this line Yuuichi is talking to Risa, and since the previous owner was Misa, it should be stated. But its up to you.
"You're a friend, the sister of my pet dog's previous owner, and someone I don't get bored talking to."
Yuuichi: "You're at school during that time, so I'll go with Mikan."
Problem: Yuuichi is talking in future tense, so "You're" should be changed to "You'll be".
Correction: "You'll be at school during that time, so I'll go with Mikan."
Yuuichi: Mikan is smiling and wagging her tail the whole time.
Problem: Wording is funny, the tense should maybe be changed as below.
Correction: Mikan smiles and wags her tail the entire time.
After Mikan gets her license, Yuichii tells her to buy items from the supermarket, specifically, 300 grams of ground meat, and 3 horse mackerels. When Mikan comes back however, Yuuichi says that she brought back 315 grams of ground meat. If you choose to check on Mikan after she goes to the supermarket, the clerk does indeed give her a 300 gram ground meat package (out of a choice of 150, 300, and 450). Why does Yuuichi then say it was 315 grams of meat instead of 300?
Mikan: "Excuse me, which one is the 300 gram pack?" (She gets the 300 gram pack)
(When she gets home and Yuuichi checks the stuff)
Yuichii: One ground meat with 315 grams, 3 horse mackerels.
Possible Correction: Unless it was intended (maybe its like my supermarket, usually meat gets packaged to the nearest 100 grams (ex 97g, 106g) then priced depending on how much was packaged) Yuuichi's 315 should be changed to 300. Otherwise, its ok I guess.