The Culprit is... (F/SN/CSI)

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The Culprit is... (F/SN/CSI)

Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » March 11th, 2009, 5:34 am

It was a scene of unmistakable slaughter. The victim wasn't simply murdered... He was definitely killed.
Those where the thoughts that filtered (and I mean literally filtered) into Shirou's head. He had just recently joined the CSI team at central and the sight before him was definitely murder. It doesn't take a gradeschooler to know its murder.

"It's suicide."

The head of his team, and seniormost member nonchalantly entered the scene.

"I beg your pardon sir?" Shirou was surprised at what his leader concluded from the scene.

"It's a suicide. Are you deaf in addition to being a mongrel, Faker?" Gil "The King" Gamesh stared long and hard at the corpse.

"Uh, but sir. How can you say that's this is a suicide."

"Are you stupid in addition to being blind, Faker? It doesn't take a genius to piece all the evidence together."

"Ano... Gil-sempai, I can explain it to the mongrel if you want me too." A little girl in a blue police uniform squeaked out.

"Ah, ORT-tan. Yes. I don't have time to spend explaining things to a mongrel not worth licking my boots."

"Hai! Gil-sempai" ORT-tan's eyes were all aglow (no, they're actually glowing, they're on fire)

ORT-tan circles the corpse and points at the massive slab of rock stuck to the victim's back.

"Ne, mongrel-san do you know what this is?"

Shirou kneels beside the corpse and looks at the massive object. As he did so he also catches a glimpse of the victim's face.

"Hey, isn't that the guy who thinks that cats are fine too. You know, the guy who was tried but wasn't convicted of being a lolico..."

A massive roar erupts from a nearby alley. A little girl in white suddenly appears behind Shirou and glomps him from behind.

"Shirou! Berserker seems to have lost his sword... Can you help us find it?"

Shirou turns to ORT-tan and then looks at the corpse.

"I agree with Gil-sempai. It's definitely a suicide..."
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Unread postby that one guy » March 11th, 2009, 5:41 am

I like where this is going.
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Unread postby solopy567 » March 11th, 2009, 6:14 pm

Who's the victim again? But its kind of funny. ORT as a clumsy polic officer...
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » March 11th, 2009, 8:28 pm

...

I didn't get it.

who was the culprit?
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Unread postby Headron » March 11th, 2009, 9:25 pm

HOLY SHIT Berserker killed Shiki beceause he tried to rape Ilya.
Gilgamesh: Stupid MONGRELS forcing me to live on a roof for eternity.

viewtopic.php?p=55233#55233
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Unread postby Shourai » March 12th, 2009, 12:31 am

zweiterversuch wrote:...

I didn't get it.

who was the culprit?
Yet to be revealed (I wish). 8)
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Unread postby z2000 » March 12th, 2009, 12:46 am

Pssh, who cares about the culprit? Look at the victim. Definitely sounds like Archer, right?

Also to note, i like ORT-tan's attitude and personality so far.
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » March 12th, 2009, 1:20 am

Headron wrote:
HOLY SHIT Berserker killed Shiki beceause he tried to rape Ilya.



Oh! that makes sense...
but why should Gil try to cover Berserker?
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Unread postby Shourai » March 12th, 2009, 1:30 am

zweiterversuch wrote:Oh! that makes sense...
but why should Gil try to cover Berserker?
Maybe because
the culprit wasn't Berserker after all? *fingers crossed for a plot twist*
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Unread postby that one guy » March 12th, 2009, 2:10 am

The fact that her eyes are on fire makes it all the better.
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Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » March 13th, 2009, 5:47 am

"Where were you last night at around 10:35 PM?" , Archer slams the table hard with his fist. The woman sitting in the chair in front of him fidgeted in a very suspicious manner.

"I have done nothing wrong! I have not, in any ero-way, been in contact with that young man!" Medea "Caster" Troy shot back.

"Heh, a likely story. I know about your back dealings and terrorist plots woman. I can still remember it like yesterday...

~~*queue flashback*~~

*Many years ago, in an alternate time and place, Archer and Ilya were riding a merry-go-round. A magical spear suddenly appears out of nowhere, impales the two and then quickly dissipates. Archer struggles to crawl towards Ilya...
*

Archer snap back from his musing. He hadn't had a single decent sleep since way back then. But now, it is the endgame.

The door to his office opened."Archer, we think we have a breakthrough. Caster's master was spotted off at a private airport. It seems they were planning of getting out of the country."

With grim determination, Archer made his way out of his office. Itis time to end it...

*elsewhere*

Caster put on the finishing touches to her 'bomb'. The Hallelujah chorus was being sung in the background and it somehow heightened the sense of ecstasy that gripped her as she set the final locks in place. The downtown would definitely be smoggy by the fifteenth, she mused to herself.

*Upon arriving at the private airport, a fierce servant battle erupted where Caster was knocked comatose by Archer when he used his "Unlimited Jet Engine Works". Everything went nuts from then own when Archer and Caster swapped faces but I don't have enough time to get into the details...*

~~End Flash Back~~

"Dammit Archer! Stop ripping off Hollywood movies like that!" Rin smacks Archer with a harisen.

"But it really happened like that in my timeline. See, I still have these babies when I had that transplant..."

Archer rips open the front of his shirt revealing his 'pair'

Rin and Caster :shock:
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Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » March 25th, 2009, 6:22 am

"Ah, sempai. I really love the way you scrunch your eyebrows when you're deep in thought." Sacchin sighed as she stal -er- observed Shirou examine his notes (while hiding behind a file cabinet).

~.~.~.~

Shirou is at his wit's end as he tried to deduce what really happened at that dark alleyway. Why did Gil keep on insisting it was suicide when all the evidence points toward someone *cough*Berserker*cough* killed that weird guy. It seemed that the initial findings that the victim wasn't the one they initially thought it was but was actually someone who looks like the guy who likes cats. That guy (who thought cats are fine too) was actually in prison that night for suspicion of stalking another girl.

He made his way to the cafeteria, his notes tucked under his arms. And again Sacchin stalk-er-observed him from a distance.

"Ah, I wonder what's troubling sempai..." *big sigh*

"Lalalala laaaaa" *ORT-tan passing by, sucking on a popsicle*

*Sacchin grabs ORT-tan and pulls her out of sight, wall slams her *vampire might mode* and covers ORT-tan's mouth*

*Muffled talk*

"Nooo.... Stop it Sacchin. I'm not into the stuff you and Sion do -desu-" *ORT-tan*

"Waah, stop it! I just need your help!" *Sacchin*

"My help? -nano-" *ORT-tan*

"What's with the -desu- and -nano-?" *Sacchin*

"That's none of your business -pyon-" *ORT-tan*

"Anyways, I need your help. If you do help me I'll give you a pack of lolis." *Sacchin*

"Really? Would they be ribbed and apple flavored?" *ORT-tan

"Ribbed and Apple flavored?" *Sacchin*

"The ones that nice megane-oniichan gives me. You know, the one we thought was killed the other night. -nyoron-"

:shock: *Sacchin*
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Unread postby solopy567 » March 25th, 2009, 8:08 pm

YOU DARE MAKE MY SION A LESBIAN!!!!!!! ILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?

/rant

Good story so far....Sacchin is kind of strange.
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » March 25th, 2009, 8:57 pm

solopy567 wrote:YOU DARE MAKE MY SION A LESBIAN!!!!!!! ILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?

/rant

Good story so far....Sacchin is kind of strange.


sorry..but if you are into vampirism you are into anything...
(well..that is what people of this era thinks...)
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Unread postby that one guy » March 25th, 2009, 9:12 pm

Who says she's a lesbian? Why can't she be bi? <__< Anyway, stalker Sacchin is great. Keep up the good work.
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Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » March 26th, 2009, 8:57 am

"I* don't know if I can do it. I have to ask him if he has someone he likes? -nyan- " *ORT-tan* (*ORT-tan speaks in the third person, but typing her name over and over would be tiring. -_- . This shows how loli she is in this story)

"Yes. Just ask him if he has someone he likes." *Sacchin*

Sacchin takes a peek. It seems Shirou is still deep in thought at his table.

ORT-tan casually walks over to Shirou.

"Ne, ne, Shirou-nii, do you have someone you like? -de arimasu-"

*Sacchin facepalms* (That was too direct, and the last one is not for a little girl)

"Yes!" (That must be it. I think that may be the motive) <--Shirou deep in thought and just exclaiming stuff

*ORT-tan dashes back to Sacchin* *pat on the head* *good girl* from Sacchin

"Now, ask him if that person is a co-worker"

*ORT-tan dashes back to Shirou*

"Umm... does that person work with us? -mugyu-"

*Sacchin facepalms* (Not again, and what's a mugyu?)

"That's right!" (That must be the way he drew the victim to the scene!) <--Shirou still in his deep thought process mode

*ORT-tan dashes back to Sacchin* *pat on the head* *good girl* from Sacchin

"Ok, since we're in a roll I'll casually walk over and take the chair just behind him. Talk to him and ask him probing questions!" *Sacchin*

"What are probing questions? -pico- " *ORT-tan*

"You know, the way you ask questions about stuff... and...um... just ask him about the person he likes..." *Sacchin*

*Sacchin and ORT-tan "casually" makes their way towards Shirou. Sacchin then takes a seat just behind Shirou.

*ORT-tan begins to "interrogate" Shirou who is still deep in thought*

"Shirou-nii, does the person you like work in the same department with me? -pon- " *ORT-tan*

*Sacchin gives ORT-tan a thumbs up*

(note: Shirou and Gil were from Homicide before they moved to the CSI teams. They occasionally help their former team-mates. ORT-tan, Sacchin, and Sion are in Homicide. Arcueid and Saber, however, are in the Traffic division and have their own spin-off story, my version of "You're Under Arrest!" along with Taiga, Sakura, Akiha, Rider and Caster.)

"Yes!" (That would work. If he did that he could have gotten away with it) <--Shirou still in deep process mode

*ORT-tan winks at Sacchin, who was blushing furiously. ORT-tan turns to Shirou and asks him again*

"I guess, that girl is lucky. You must think of her a lot. Hehehe, Shirou-nii, I guess you even think of her when you do 'ecchi' stuff, -gupon-" *ORT-tan*

*Sacchin goes to panic mode. *starts signaling to ORT-tan 'wtf are you asking?' and 'what's with the gupon?'*

"That's right!" (It must be. If the killer did that, yes, that's how it was done...) <-Shirou still deep in thought.

*Sacchin goes 'waaah', blushes, and starts panicking. ORT-tan turns red, which is a very difficult thing to do coz she's bluish.

"Shirou-nii is so bold. I wonder who's that person. It might even be me..."

"YES!" (I finally got it! I know how the murder happened!) *Shirou suddenly stands up surprising both girls*

*ORT-tan has fallen to her knees on the floor, face totally red, and flame-tears flowing out of her eyes. On the other hand, Sacchin is in a state of shock, mumbling "He thinks of her when doing ecchi things. He thinks of her when doing ecchi things" over and over.*

"Uh, What happened to you two?" Shirou scratches his head and bends over and to help ORT-tan up.

"SHIROU YOU PERVERTED LOLICON!!!" *grabs Shirou from behind and gives him a German Suplex*
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Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » April 5th, 2009, 5:45 am

INTERMISSION: SHOPPING NETWORK

Having a hard time cutting through stuff? Knife not up to the task?

*zing*

Shiki Tohno - Well then. Why not try the new handy-dandy "Seven Nights" collection? Capable of cutting through fruits,meats vegetables and even your neighborhood dead apostle!

Audience - Ooooh! Ahhhh!

Shiki- With these knives you don't need to worry about sharpening and even how tough the object your cutting through!

*demo: Shiki cuts through a bunch of stuff like veggies and even a piece of marble (not the reality type)

Audience - Ooooh! Amazing! *applause*

Shiki - And for a special offer, if you are one of the first ten callers, you'd received one of the newest product we have. The Amazing Smokeless Akiha Grill!

*Akiha walks into the set carrying a small grill type device and sets it on the tabletop.

Shiki - Why don't we show the audience how this grill work, Akiha?

Akiha - Of course, niisan!

*Shiki lays a burger patty on the grill which started to cook as soon as he laid it on the top.

Audience - Amazing! Wow there's no fire coming but it's cooking! *applause*

Shiki - And there you have it folks! A great two for one offer from the Tohno Shopping Network!

~.~ Fade Out ~.~

Back at Shirou's place.

Gil, ORT-tan, and Satsuki were over for a barbecue.

Gil - What the hell. Hey mongrel, your grill aint working!

Sacchin - Sempai! Your knife can't cut the vegetables!

Shirou - Huh? But I just got them yesterday...

~.~.~.~.~
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Unread postby solopy567 » April 5th, 2009, 2:23 pm

Shiki and Akiha ripped them off! HAHAHAHA!
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Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » April 5th, 2009, 3:03 pm

FINALE?
The Culprit Is....


Gil - Sooo, what is your reason for dragging us back here, mongrel? They're having a marathon run of Gilgamesh's Island in one hour. If I miss that I swear to all the heroes and villains that can spawn from the throne of heroes that I'd smack you around like a kid mast-

*ORT-tan suddenly covers Gil's mouth*

Gil - What the? I was about to say "A kid masticating a chewing gum like crazy"

Shirou silently walked around the chalk outline that was on the ground. He knelt down and placed a colored flag at a certain spot.

Shirou - Gil-sempai wasn't off the mark when he said that anyone, any normal guy, who tried facing Berserker was committing suicide...

*Gil smiles smugly*

Shirou - However! Berserker wasn't the one who killed that stalker guy!

*dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun*

~.~.~.~.~.~
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Re: The Culprit is... (F/SN/CSI)

Unread postby Kuuya/Fabre » May 14th, 2009, 2:54 pm

Shirou walked around the outline where they found the body and started explaining what happened that night...

Shirou - "This guy was really stalking Ilya that night. But he kept his distance. He knew that if he ever came to close to her he'd end up dead. However..." *suddenly points to Archer* others go 'WTF?' and 'When did that guy came here?'

Shirou - "It gave you the opportunity to get rid of someone threatening your 'little princess!'"

Archer - "What the fuck are you on Shirou? How can I kill this guy? I mean, I was not even nea.."

Shirou - "I have indisputable proof that you were here tailing this guy!" *whips out a worn out receipt in a plastic bag*

Shirou - "This receipt for the uncut DVD edition of "Kodomo no Jikan" found inside the pocket of the victim is proof enough!"

Archer - "Urk..."

Shirou - "You tried bribing the victim to stop him from stalking Ilya but when you tailed him from the specialty store you found out that he didn't keep his part of the bargain!"

Archer - "You're talking bull Shirou! And why would I kill for some ... ACK!"

Shirou grabbed Archer's chest and turns to the others.

Shirou - "If someone is willing to get a boob job for a loli I'm quite sure he's willing to kill for a loli!"

Archer - "Uh... stop squeezing on them...ummm... that feels good..."

ORT-tan - "That's just soooo wrong... in many ways."

Satsuki - "Waaah! Sempai likes squeezing man-boobs!"

....
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