So, on a certain forum thread about fanfiction and preservation of characters and whatnot, I mentioned that I was writing a "fanfiction"-ish thingamajig for Fate/Stay Night. Here it is!
Well, sort of. Originally, I wanted to start writing the novel-length fic write off the bat. However, since the setting is in an alternate-universe 11th century Europe/N. Africa/Near East, there was a lot I wanted the readers to know as soon as they started the story. However, I couldn't just slam a crapload of exposition in their face and expect them to sit through all that crap, and I also wanted to contrast the main characters of the novel-length story (who are dealing with the fallout of a devastating war) with how they were like before the big war. Thus, I came up with the idea of creating a set of short stories for each individual important character to delve a little into their backstories and also give readers an idea on what my customized setting is like. And, of course, to give myself a bit of writing practice because...
This is the first time I've ever done anything like this. EVER. Up until now I've never, ever really tried to write a short story, or really, any sort of fiction that wasn't written in the style of a pseudo history book. I've never tried to write a character and make that character seem human, I've never tried telling a story through writing. I've never really tried my hand at writing stuff outside of academic essays, really. Thus, I don't have any experience in narrative flow, writing human-like characters, etc. ''at all''. Part of the reason as to why I'm bothering to write this fic is to try to teach myself to do those kinds of things that good storytellers do, but I'm starting pretty much blind here. Please keep this in mind as you read.
Things I'm concerned with:
1) Writing style. How is my writing style, especially in the action scenes? Is it too choppy, as I suspect it is? Do the sentences transition well?
2) General flow of events. This is a bit much to ask seeing how so little of this short story has been written, but how does the action scene flow to the battle's aftermath?
3) Characterization. Again, this is a bit much to ask given how little the main character is seen doing, but what is the impression of the main character that you get? Do you get any kind of impression at all? After a few folks have posted their opinions on this matter, I will reveal how I ''wanted'' to characterize the main character, and will ask how to better write her to convey how she is supposed to be like.
Though this is technically a Fate/Stay Night AU fanfiction, I should warn veterans of TYPE-MOON lore (and specifically the lore found in the Fate franchise) that I have very much an outsider's knowledge of things. I've seen most of the anime and I'm aware of important plot events in the 3 Fate/Stay Night routes, stuff in Fate/Hollow Ataraxia, and plot events in Fate/Zero, and very basic, distilled summaries of character personalities due to extensive reading of various wikis (type-moon wikia included). I've only just gotten my copy of Fate/Stay Night (the visual novel) and I will be playing it sometime soon, but until then (or even then), I will have difficulty preserving the original characterizations of certain characters. Some of this will be inevitable since the entire cast has been transplanted onto a radically different setting.
So, now that you've read through all that drivel, let's begin: