Remaning Ashes.(Typemoon fanfic...a little + 18)

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Remaning Ashes.(Typemoon fanfic...a little + 18)

Unread postby zweiterversuch » July 19th, 2008, 2:38 am

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Last edited by zweiterversuch on December 7th, 2008, 2:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
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Unread postby abscess » July 19th, 2008, 4:30 am

You seem to like Akiha quite a lot, since you've written about her in another story (or other two? I can't remember). I liked this one since a very minor character shows up. The prose is easy to read but I got stuck a bit in some parts, but nothing major. Good job.

Something to note here, you make it as if Shiki and Tokie act like they don't know each other in the beginning, but, if I'm not wrong, they knew each other fairly well, since Shiki, and even Kiri, went to see his father when needed medical assistance. Even Kohaku knows her, since she learned about medicine with Tokie's father.
"I settled for that shriek. Those dull vacant eyes... oiled cabbage stench of her...! [...] You know what? I'm sorry if I'm not gonna do this the way you want me to or the way you might. But I will not make an angel out of someone who wasn't an angel...!" -Chief Tyrol, on his beloved wife.
Have you heard about the saying that goes something like "drunk people and kids tell no lies"? Well, that's just a fallacy.
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » July 19th, 2008, 10:59 am

edit
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
$dead
 
Posts: 1424
Joined: February 7th, 2008, 6:53 pm


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