Love Infernal

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Love Infernal

Unread postby ayadew » June 27th, 2008, 6:16 pm

I posted this on on Beast's Lair, but they seem more interested in philosophy than commenting on how I can improve my writing etc. :p I hope you're better at that!
This story explores the future of Arcueid's True Ending in Tsukihime. Enjoy!


---


Ten years since I had her in my arms.
Ten years of longing from the curse placed on my heart, a forced emotional asylum as it were. Endlessly thirsting, dissatisfied with everything except for that one perfect being.
A being not meant for mortal men to desire, yet foolishly she had crossed our differences and come to me, and me to her, condemning us both in the process.

Come...


Ten years of creeping madness, escalating into this pursuit.
I was finally here, my goal reached.

...my dear...


Now that curse would either come to a full circle or end. It was all or nothing, perfection or oblivion, and the ethereal castle of the shinto in front of me would be the judge.

Let's do meaningless things again...

I traversed the stairs leading to the front gates and cut them open with a small movement. I required no understanding of these ancient protective barriers, it was all the same to me, as it had always been. Likely I was the only one save sorcerers who could penetrate these defenses, and my gift was too much a convenience to be by chance. Fate, it seemed, had decided that we two should be to the bitter end, with or without our admission.
As the gates fell apart ominous sounds of rustling chains followed, coming in spasmodic waves sending simultaneous chills down my spine, bringing feelings of warning.
My whole being told me that truly; this was a forbidden place.

Come now...


The memory of her voice rung in my head, intensifying as I walked forth. I definitely shouldn't be here, only a purpose bringing a feeling stronger than the deepest primal fear would bring a human past these gates, the mad pursuit for something that was greater than humanity's limits.
I entered the great chamber past the gates.
And then I saw her.

...so I can...


A contracting body, surrounded by countless chains biting, scraping and wounding, and the echoing hollow ghostly sound they produced hanging, slowly moving from the endlessly high ceiling. A smell of dried blood and metal.
And the intense purple-red eyes slowly turning against me.
"... so I can lovingly bite into your neck... SHIKI!", she roared with a slow and guttural voice.
I doubted my eyes, was it really her or an eerie manifestation of mine and hers greatest nightmares"
Her perfectly pale skin and yellow hair, and a dress so beautiful it could only be fit for a princess, a true princess of the moon.
But the eyes. I had seem them before, only this time they were tenfold more fearful with their purple gleam.

I was frozen, my mind was frozen as I stared into death itself. I stood still, slowly realizing that it could only be her.
Those mystic eyes she had used on me once penetrated my gaze, yet there was no pain, no crushing vanity as that one time ten years ago. I was angry, what was she trying to prove? Why had she lied?
And the meaningless words slipped out even though my full instinct told me she was beyond understanding.
"Why... why aren't you peacefully sleeping... like you said!"
Her body contracted snake-like and her unearthly voice screamed at the top of her lungs, while still intently piercing me with her stare.
"Shiki..." a small, pained voice.
Hope. Her old voice. I gasped unconsciously.
"SHIKI, SHIKI, SHIKI, SHIKI!" the guttural roar again and the desperately moving body trying to escape producing a meaty sound of the chains chewing into her. And a high pitched laugh like a morbid imitation of her usual crystal clear laughter. Taunting me.
Her personality was altered, and something was very wrong. The crushed illusions, ideals, dreams, the embodiment of defeat in front of me, and the sudden realization; I wept pitifully, it was simply too much.
"Have you been like this for ten years... waiting for me?"
It could be no other way, I was the only thing that had through roughly affected her emotionally in her millennium of existence.
She stopped moving, showing her teeth as she tried to focus.
"No..." Her old beautiful smile. "...at first, there was love. LOVE, haunting my mind! YOU!" She continued her pointless struggle and looked to the ceiling. "Oh, if I could have slept... You, always THERE, pounding my head! Let me have you... SHIKI!"

I had little understanding of the mechanics behind this castle, her life and her power. But that which I knew composed an all too clear conclusion.

"You couldn't regenerate your power, isn't it so? You said you needed sleep, and now... it's all gone, and the crave for blood is overpowering And in this ethereal place, you can't even drain power from the world."
She roared in frustration and anger like a wounded beast. She couldn't even formulate her words clearly anymore, and somewhere she knew it. There was some sense left in her, but she was in such pain.
Pain only caused by me. She had to be released, We had to be released. I couldn't stand looking at her anymore. My gaze wandered to the floor.
"You wanted this from the beginning, and now I have no choice..."
Finality.
"Heh. Elesia warned me once you know, that I shouldn't be with you, that it would only lead to my demise. She visited me two years ago, begging me to forget, that you were not for me to have. She seems to care little for you. What if I hadn't come here. What would remain of you!"
She became still as she listened intently.
"And now I dragged you down with me and my stupid human weakness that is love. We should have ended this long ago."
The Seven Nights felt heavy in my hand. I dropped it.
"I killed you once with this, but even in it's perfect execution it was flawed. I suppose I failed us both there, but I'll make up for it. This time..."
Still staring down the floor I walked towards her, feeling strangely calm even though my end was near. It was only fitting.
"...I'll show you - what it means to kill something."

"Shiki...!" Her voice contained both emotion and lust, torn between her vampire instincts and empathy as she bit down my neck.
I would be no more, she'd have the shell of me she wanted, giving us both peace in mind. To save her from me and herself required the ultimate sacrifice.
Our love would be dead. Forever.
Last edited by ayadew on June 30th, 2008, 8:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Love Infernal

Unread postby zweiterversuch » June 30th, 2008, 6:48 pm

END.

Would you like to take Ciel-sensei's lesson?
You have already cleared Shiki's romantic ending.
As a human it was impossible for he to begin with to live forever with her so at least they can die now together.
I hope we see each other again in the main story.

______________________

What a nice FAnfic ayadew.
I really like that:
come-
dear-
so I- stuff it really gave my imagination some wings.
I can't help ypi to imrprove your writing skills so my comment ends here.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
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btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
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Unread postby ayadew » June 30th, 2008, 8:20 pm

I hate this forum sometimes, all my " had been replaced by ?, also it took 5 days to pop up. =p
Fixed that now

zweiterversuch wrote:I really like that:
come-
dear-
so I- stuff it really gave my imagination some wings.


^^ Thanks, I do like to play with different writing styles, it doesn't have to be fully structured
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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Unread postby abscess » August 6th, 2008, 7:42 am

Ayadew wrote:Now that curse would either come to a full circle or end. It was all or nothing, perfection or oblivion, and the ethereal castle of the shinto in front of me would be the judge.

Hmm... don't you mean Shinso here?


Ayadew wrote:"Oh, if I could have slept... You, always THERE, pounding my head! Let me have you... SHIKI!

In between this parts (and maybe in some others) you could have put a bit more description about how she moved, how she moaned.
"Her hair, drenched in sweat and dry-blood swayed like a filthy mane as her head convulsed in pain..."
Or something like that :? Just to give a clearer image of the scene to the reader. Though taht's completely your choice :)

After reading the ending... Well I was expecting a more gruesome description, like blood splattering her clothes and a description of his last moments of consciousness, but that's just me!
Nice! It kinda reminds me of a fic that I haven't finished from... two weeks ago...? more or less... Anyway. A good read, but, in my biased opinion, I think a more indepth description would have been nice, but I am no writer, so I may be asking something that even I can't deliver! :P

Ayadew wrote:I hate this forum sometimes, all my " had been replaced by ?, also it took 5 days to pop up. =p

Hahaha! not the first time that happens to me! You should try writing in the notepad, if you use winword or OOwriter there may be symbols that the forum can't understand, such as quotation marks (the ones in notepad are understandable for this forum). Symbols that are used in languages spoken latinoamerica, such as the one that goes before the question mark ? and exclamation mark !. I think there are others... but can't remember them or I don't know them.
"I settled for that shriek. Those dull vacant eyes... oiled cabbage stench of her...! [...] You know what? I'm sorry if I'm not gonna do this the way you want me to or the way you might. But I will not make an angel out of someone who wasn't an angel...!" -Chief Tyrol, on his beloved wife.
Have you heard about the saying that goes something like "drunk people and kids tell no lies"? Well, that's just a fallacy.
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Unread postby ayadew » August 6th, 2008, 10:04 am

Ooh, feedback! It's good you enjoyed it, so I'm not completely lost in unstructured bullshit

Shinso yeah, I had forgotten the name altogether so I looked at Wikipedia and it said "Shinto"

Yes, I'm still trying to develop my skills in describing, since they are quite vital, especially in a moody setting such as this! But I felt it was quite morbid as it was atm, so didn't want to overkill.. there's a balance in everything.

As for the ending, I intended it to feel final, and knit together the whole point of the story; more focused on feelings, instead of descriptions which I was quite satisfied with at that point.
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » August 6th, 2008, 12:25 pm

ayadew wrote:Ooh, feedback! It's good you enjoyed it, so I'm not completely lost in unstructured bullshit

Shinso yeah, I had forgotten the name altogether so I looked at Wikipedia and it said "Shinto"

Yes, I'm still trying to develop my skills in describing, since they are quite vital, especially in a moody setting such as this! But I felt it was quite morbid as it was atm, so didn't want to overkill.. there's a balance in everything.

As for the ending, I intended it to feel final, and knit together the whole point of the story; more focused on feelings, instead of descriptions which I was quite satisfied with at that point.



Did you change the Ff?
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
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Unread postby ayadew » August 6th, 2008, 12:49 pm

ff?
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » August 6th, 2008, 2:20 pm

ayadew wrote:ff?


Fan fic.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby ayadew » August 6th, 2008, 3:45 pm

What did I edit? I can't remember
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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Unread postby Einherjar » August 6th, 2008, 4:29 pm

Hmm. In theory, wouldn't Shiki become a Dead apostle just like Roa? He would still have his consciousness, that is unless he sucks enough blood to lost that.
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Unread postby abscess » August 6th, 2008, 4:38 pm

Einherjar wrote:Hmm. In theory, wouldn't Shiki become a Dead apostle just like Roa? He would still have his consciousness, that is unless he sucks enough blood to lost that.

That is only if Arcueid spits (or injects or whatever it is they do) blood into Shiki, that's said a LOT in Tsukihime. I think that if Arcueid is berserk, she would be more interested in sucking blood than having a new servant/apostle.
"I settled for that shriek. Those dull vacant eyes... oiled cabbage stench of her...! [...] You know what? I'm sorry if I'm not gonna do this the way you want me to or the way you might. But I will not make an angel out of someone who wasn't an angel...!" -Chief Tyrol, on his beloved wife.
Have you heard about the saying that goes something like "drunk people and kids tell no lies"? Well, that's just a fallacy.
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Unread postby ayadew » August 6th, 2008, 4:44 pm

abscess wrote:
Einherjar wrote:Hmm. In theory, wouldn't Shiki become a Dead apostle just like Roa? He would still have his consciousness, that is unless he sucks enough blood to lost that.

That is only if Arcueid spits (or injects or whatever it is they do) blood into Shiki, that's said a LOT in Tsukihime. I think that if Arcueid is berserk, she would be more interested in sucking blood than having a new servant/apostle.


Yep, here Shiki simply became one of the "dead" or whatever they're called
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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Unread postby Einherjar » August 6th, 2008, 5:10 pm

abscess wrote:
Einherjar wrote:Hmm. In theory, wouldn't Shiki become a Dead apostle just like Roa? He would still have his consciousness, that is unless he sucks enough blood to lost that.

That is only if Arcueid spits (or injects or whatever it is they do) blood into Shiki, that's said a LOT in Tsukihime. I think that if Arcueid is berserk, she would be more interested in sucking blood than having a new servant/apostle.

Then how does Roa live after arc went berserk?
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » August 7th, 2008, 9:09 am

Einherjar wrote:
abscess wrote:
Einherjar wrote:Hmm. In theory, wouldn't Shiki become a Dead apostle just like Roa? He would still have his consciousness, that is unless he sucks enough blood to lost that.

That is only if Arcueid spits (or injects or whatever it is they do) blood into Shiki, that's said a LOT in Tsukihime. I think that if Arcueid is berserk, she would be more interested in sucking blood than having a new servant/apostle.

Then how does Roa live after arc went berserk?


He runs the hell out of there....
well that was a joke.
He dies and with the time he comes back to life I think.
If I remember correctly to drink the blood of a True ancestor kills the human body for some year and from there on the body begins to evolve (Zombie, ghoul, Dead, Vampire, Charizard) and that stuff.
Well, that is what I think since it isn't told in Tsukihime or any other Nasu's novels.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
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Unread postby Einherjar » August 7th, 2008, 12:42 pm

No matter how it goes, Shiki would end up like Roa's case. It's not going to be his end. Still a nice fan-fic tho.
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Unread postby ayadew » August 7th, 2008, 1:02 pm

His end as fully himself, at least. :)
The instant I tear off your limbs, rip open your chest and pull out your intestines, biting into your neck as you ask for mercy, chewing through your eyes and spreading your brains on the ground like butter-------!
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