The Tool

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The Tool

Unread postby Danakir » February 16th, 2008, 4:21 am

This is a poem about Kohaku from Shiki's POV x3 It's a rather negative vision of their relationship... but I think it's the most interesting aspect of her character to see it in that light. ^^

Comments are more than welcomed!



Bleed like the snow
From times long begone
Reality isn't this show
Made of conclusions foregone

As numerous to insanity
As the azure starlit
Swallowed by true obscurity
Such as every small bit

Would remind you of the winter coat
You'd put around the flesh unyielding
Of that strangest stranger's steamboat
The mirror of the cracks mending

Do you desire
Touch sweet as silence
The bitter ire
Lighter than any presence

Is to be found in every mechanical
Gesture and wordless yellow stare
Every plan a purpose, no technical
Need for motive, after all I dare

String myself to a doll
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Re: The Tool

Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 19th, 2008, 3:28 pm

Danakir wrote:This is a poem about Kohaku from Shiki's POV x3 It's a rather negative vision of their relationship... but I think it's the most interesting aspect of her character to see it in that light. ^^

Comments are more than welcomed!



Bleed like the snow
From times long begone
Reality isn't this show
Made of conclusions foregone

As numerous to insanity
As the azure starlit
Swallowed by true obscurity
Such as every small bit

Would remind you of the winter coat
You'd put around the flesh unyielding
Of that strangest stranger's steamboat
The mirror of the cracks mending

Do you desire
Touch sweet as silence
The bitter ire
Lighter than any presence

Is to be found in every mechanical
Gesture and wordless yellow stare
Every plan a purpose, no technical
Need for motive, after all I dare

String myself to a doll


wow.
you are the man
but I don't see the connection between this and their realtionship.
sorry if its too obvious
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby Danakir » February 29th, 2008, 12:56 am

The poem mostly focus on her 'mechanical', manipulative, emotionless nature and the deeds she's commited in her quest for purpose.

In other words, I take it from the PoV where she uses Shiki.

Does that make sense to you?
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 29th, 2008, 1:04 am

Danakir wrote:The poem mostly focus on her 'mechanical', manipulative, emotionless nature and the deeds she's commited in her quest for purpose.

In other words, I take it from the PoV where she uses Shiki.

Does that make sense to you?


Well...
Yeah, when you say it kind of, but well I think it is because my english isn't so good.
But It is a really good one.
Are you a writter or is it just a hobby?
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby Danakir » February 29th, 2008, 1:12 am

Don't I wish.

It's nothing but an hobby really. Though I appreciate the indirect compliment. :P

And English isn't my first language either! XD
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 29th, 2008, 2:48 am

Danakir wrote:Don't I wish.

It's nothing but an hobby really. Though I appreciate the indirect compliment. :P

And English isn't my first language either! XD


you are really good
If you have some other Poems you should post them.
I will read them even though I don't get most of them.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby Danakir » February 29th, 2008, 9:28 pm

None of my other poems are related to Tsukihime however, so I'm not sure if it's okay to post them here....

Is it okay?
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 29th, 2008, 9:34 pm

Danakir wrote:None of my other poems are related to Tsukihime however, so I'm not sure if it's okay to post them here....

Is it okay?


I think it is ok.
One guy posted an unrelated Story too and there weren't any problems.
I think its name is " Original Story" (the Name of the topic, not of the guy who posted it)
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Posts: 1424
Joined: February 7th, 2008, 6:53 pm

Unread postby Danakir » February 29th, 2008, 9:37 pm

Alright then, I present you...


Agony of a Butterfly

Epitomize the fleeting
This creeping feeling
Sneaking inside our voiceless surrounding
Everything you were ever caught reading

Surmised in a line as fleeting as a buttefly
Meaningless holes in your memories, away fly
In the distance, there is no exit to the flame
A flicker extinguished, who is to take blame?

Is it Fate?
No, too late
It is anyone's God?
What are the odds...?

Maybe... it is life.
Waiting in hidding
To hit us with strife
Bittersweet tidding

Truly, we are no better than dust
Our flesh corroding, eaten by rust
This lust from nature for our degradation
A untimely, unpredictable, universal, humiliation

Domination by natural law slowly makes ridicule
Of all the things we cling to, stubborn like mule
Shamelessly, we try to deny it, void it somehow
But then, in our failed attempts, we ask: how?

Is there a solution?
Can we find absolution?
Doubtful, unlikely, impossible!
It is hardly even feasible!

We can run, but we can't hide
As it catches up to us
Swallowing us in a towering tide
Ending the story of us

Turning the last page
Reaching for this age
Bringing forth a conclusion written in red waters
Built on the rotting corpses of all our forefathers

The present day where swarms of endless colored elegants
Butterflies stretching to the horizon, as numerous as ants
Live their lives within the boundless heavens, tearing the sky apart in hurry
Trying to make the most of the instant combustion, ending as it begun, fiery fury

One by one, second by second, time seeping
Their wings a token to their unheeded weeping
They are dying from this lack of streaming scarlet
Growing into a void, like the smallest of stars, starlet

This is the existence of this little group
Repeating endlessly their scheme in a loop
Their tragicomedy colored by illusory purpose
Their sweetest infection and its secret cause

Here I shall name it at last
Its shadow before you is cast

The agony of a butterfly
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 29th, 2008, 11:50 pm

:shock:
Wow
Thats a lot lighter than the last one, but it is a lot more dangerous.
I mean after I read it I felt so...
depressed.

You are a lot better than I tought.
I writte too but my poems, no , my Essays are in german and even they are not at this level.
I can't wait to read the next one. :D
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Posts: 1424
Joined: February 7th, 2008, 6:53 pm

Unread postby Danakir » March 1st, 2008, 12:00 am

zweiterversuch wrote:You are a lot better than I tought.
I writte too but my poems, no , my Essays are in german and even they are not at this level.
I can't wait to read the next one. :D


I'm unworthy. *bows*

I speak French myself as my first language. ^_^

And since you insist, I'd be a fool to deny you.


The Summer That Was

The music starts pulsing rythmically
Actors running around frantically
The curtains rise on this tragicomedy
Salute the public, timidity in tragedy

In the crowd, all the same visage
One who's name is written on a page
And the next, up unto the last
Fulfilling your diary real fast

The name, I say, is the Heartfelt Critic
That lone boy, he makes your heart tick
Like clockwork, his arms and eyes command
You like a puppet, to sit or to stand

Unable to decide on any single course of action
You stand for his thirst for unholy perfection
That perforation on your heart performed
Every single line of the act performed

For his pleasure and leasure
Offering promises of future
You offer to his cold eyes your flesh bare
Asking him shyly, Love, how do I fare?

His stare of merciless intuition
Your soul sends into combustion
Burning for his feverish presence
Falling for his waltz, let's dance

What can I say about this male?
'cept the situation's stale
Well, it's useless, his cruel nails dig at your veins
Barbs running through them, the floor covered in stains

Made of red waters, beautiful messenger
For the man who used to be your passenger
But he's left your train, changed transportation
Went ahead and picked a whole new destination

What a bastard, what a dick, what a fucking bastard!
Compare him to an indecent pig, digging in his lard
With a knife sharp and covered in crimson rust
The memories of him cover your steps like dust

Sticking to your shoes and clothes
Slipping under your skin
Inside your mind his image floats
Any hope, so fragile and thin

But even in those times of winter solstice
You'd swoon at a sight, grant him a kiss
Comfort and console his filthy soul
Love makes you blind to his stench foul

Here he is, His Majesty
Speaking of travesty
A parody of justice and beauty
A snake patronizing infidelity

The Emperor of Times Past
Encased in ice that last
Forever into the roaring sea of time
Your heart reduced to the size of a dime

Slowly he rises up from his seat
He has seen none of that feat
You've pulled to try and win him over again
His disdain for you is now all but certain

And as his presence fades from sight
Your chest feels a grip so very tight
Frozen angels shattering around you in a sea of light
Demons inside your mind whispering how you lost the fight

Struggle no more
Nothing left for
Such desperate attempts
His cute smile tempts

Aren't you sick of the disease?
Such a tease, such great unease
The sickness does have a cure
Forsake at long last his lure

Don't be caught into the freezing seduction
By his deadly grip your heart find abduction
You shiver to his Temptation
His breeze your alienation

The summer that was...
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » March 1st, 2008, 12:53 am

that last one was full of emotion.
one notices you really like writting.
What is your inspiration?
a girl?
the world?
the omega?
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby Danakir » March 1st, 2008, 2:37 am

I do. I love writting. If I could make a living out of it, I'd do little else....

My inspiration? I take my inspiration where I can, but I do have my favorite themes.

To be frank, my inspiration is beauty, which I try to express in my works. I believe that the greatest beauty can only be found in the most unlikely of places. I rarely speak of myself however...

Words of Love

Dance, dance, dance like a sky starlit
Under a silvery glance, times moonlit
Oh those frozen moments past when in bed
My dreams, my fantasy, to you me led

And I found myself hoping for something
That could possibly be in the making
Even if it was all a simple illusion
Of paper thin and blunt confusion

But it doesn't matter
Because no later
Than now, immediately
I sat and wrote frantically

Words of Love
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby zweiterversuch » March 4th, 2008, 10:55 pm

wow
all your poems have this I-don't-know-what-it-is.
I wanted to ask you.
Kohaku's poem. Why did you make one for her and not for other characters like Ciel or Tohno Shiki ( the bad one).
they are in some ways like Kohaku.
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
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Unread postby ayadew » March 4th, 2008, 11:06 pm

Ciel should be easy to make about emotional pain, she has in many ways met a fate far worse than Kohaku. At least I feel more for her than Kohaku's partly selfinflicted pain.
It's hard to write poems like this without sounding pretentious, but I don't feel that here. And Words of Love was very good.
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Unread postby Inverted » March 5th, 2008, 4:15 pm

All Your poems are good.I like the Shiki/Kohaku one too.
But I'm not a literary critic so I can't add much :( other than that I like them.
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Unread postby Danakir » March 5th, 2008, 7:55 pm

ayadew wrote:Ciel should be easy to make about emotional pain, she has in many ways met a fate far worse than Kohaku. At least I feel more for her than Kohaku's partly selfinflicted pain.
It's hard to write poems like this without sounding pretentious, but I don't feel that here. And Words of Love was very good.


I wouldn't know about your stance, considering I've yet to complete only two paths and Ciel's is one of them, but I'm fairly certain Kohaku's fate is most certainly the worst. Saying otherwise implies certain past events are anything but terrible beyond what mere words can present, and I'd like to think that's not how we see it.

As for why Kohaku.... because I can relate to her. Isn't it hard to write poetry of something you feel no attachment toward?

But that's just me. If I do feel the inspiration to write more Tsukihime-themed poetry, you can be sure I'll share it here with you all.

For the records, I do appreciate all your gracious compliments. ^ ^

Edit: Now that I read your post again, Ayadew, I'd like to say that this poem doesn't have much to do with emotional pain rather than tragedy. Quite sincerely, emotional pain is indeed an horrible, most unbearable, tragedy unto itself but it shares very little with... Kohaku's situation.

To quote Nietzsche "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

At least, that's how I perceive it.
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Unread postby ayadew » March 5th, 2008, 10:17 pm

Danakir wrote:As for why Kohaku.... because I can relate to her. Isn't it hard to write poetry of something you feel no attachment toward?

Edit: Now that I read your post again, Ayadew, I'd like to say that this poem doesn't have much to do with emotional pain rather than tragedy. Quite sincerely, emotional pain is indeed an horrible, most unbearable, tragedy unto itself but it shares very little with... Kohaku's situation.

To quote Nietzsche "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

At least, that's how I perceive it.


Don't read in too much of what I write, but if you do such, I'll word myself better. =)

I couldn't relate to Kohaku at all, it's probably why I can't feel much for her.
Her situation is utterly alien and hard to grasp, why she just choose to accept her fate and in it seal her agony for a very long time forth, living a lie by definition. She could fight.. but she gave up, giving into whatever abyss she gazed into.
If it's not pain, then what is it.. evil?
Certainly Kohaku did become partly evil, with destruction and hate and revenge as goals in life.

For myself, I can't relate to evil either though, I see evil as a goodness, but in reverse. Devils believe they do good, but only for themselves, while we find that destructive and bad. They hate us as much, and as such evil is relative, as with all things I suppose..

But Kohaku knew love and hope, from Shiki and from the past, and obviously not beyond salvation, so she can't be evil.
This mystery made me confused. And thus I chose to just ignore it as if the inventor of Kohaku didn't know either.

Why can you relate to it, and/or what is it you believe defines Kohaku's situation?
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Unread postby Danakir » March 5th, 2008, 11:13 pm

I believe you raise a fundamental question, and that's why I'll take care of answering it as thoroughly as I can.

I can relate to Kohaku because what she embraced is no such simple concepts as hatred, evil or pain...

Rather, what she embraced is the emptiness of despair found within every human soul. Kohaku is that despair, she is that hopeless struggle of the slave who has no future, no hope, no salvation, nothing. Kohaku is the perfect mirror image of her own despair.

See those eyes in my avatar? Those are the eyes of despair. Those are the eyes that know no true hope, no true emotion. There is no past, there is no future, there is no present in her world, only an empty, blank, field that stretches as far as the eye can see, giving in to grey skies that speak no words, only echoing the silence of her own hollow psyche.

She's little more than the Dead in that regard. Yes, she did feel something for Shiki... but I propose it isn't casual love.

Twisted love. Tainted love. Fascination. Don't they all come down to the same truth?

Here is it: As a child, Kohaku envied Shiki. His smile. His freedom. His ugly, ugly, ugly smile. It drove her mad. She wanted to crush it. She wanted to keep it. She wanted to make it her own.

She had no tools to know how to react to that carelessly thrown smile, that silent plea that she would come outside...

But she could not. She was sealed in that dark room, alone and helpless, knowing not how to fight, knowing not how to struggle, knowing not how to live. It was all she could do to protect her sister.

Remember, Kohaku did this to protect her sister, but in doing so she lost herself.

Kohaku is not admirable, she is not a model, she is not someone one should wish to be...

But she is someone I can relate to, for in every one of us, there is a Kohaku, waiting to devour everything we are, leaving only traces of what could have been.

That is Kohaku.

As for Kohaku's situation, I believe it's clear in and out of itself, otherwise please elaborate on what you want to know exactly, as I'm not sure...
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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Danakir
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Unread postby Danakir » March 5th, 2008, 11:34 pm

Another Tsukihime-themed poem, this time about both Tohno Shiki's similarities. Remember, they share one life.

The Hands' Alibi

Walk every night until
You've had your fill
Of those filthy rainy days
Every street a deadly fray

When the world colors scarlet
Every pulsion an unhealthy outlet
Tense inversion, nameless bittersweet compulsion
Quench the thirst of corruption, until damnation

Take over my sleep
Take over my mind
Control me like sheep
The chains that bind

Us together in respite
Spelling in golden letters Murderer
Every smile given despite
Those echoing headaches, oh Monster

Is that our name?
To my lips infame
Leave me alone
Away! Begone!

One hand does wash the other...
Every purpose
Every overdose
Every awkward silence
Every smile and glance

All the most beautiful lies
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