Original Story (Untitled)

Post any of your TYPE-MOON related stories, artwork, etc. This is a spoiler zone, so spoiler tags are NOT required as fan fiction is bound to be full of them. You have been warned.

Moderator: Staffers

Original Story (Untitled)

Unread postby Ida » February 5th, 2008, 2:00 pm

Hello, I am posting here because I couldn't find any other appropriate section for posting original stories. This is just fan work that I have created in hopes of getting some feedback and suggestions. If the moderator would prefer, please delete this post or transfer it to a different section. Anyway great work on the translations and I hope you enjoy.

NOTE: I will post Part1 first and add more posts as I complete the chapters.
Last edited by Ida on February 5th, 2008, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

INTRO

Unread postby Ida » February 5th, 2008, 3:29 pm

PART1
-------
The world must know a million things. A million things foreboding, haunting. I wonder how loveless his existence is, sitting on some lone rock looking out into the heart of the black sea, washed up in the afterthoughts of the eternal dream that it lives in; waiting for some thought to drain the world into a drier place.

I woke up around 5 a.m. that day. It was still dark, but if you looked hard enough in the distance you could see the light shying behind some scattered clouds in the horizon. I packed everything that was necessary for me. A couple of books, a pack of cigarettes, my tape player, a watch, and my livelihood. I walked up to the attic and set the birds free from their cages. I opened all of the windows of the house one last time, as if to grant it one final goodbye to the warm summer breeze.

The house stood on top of the hill overlooking the city like an ancient guardian, a silent fortress, patient for some turn of events that would conclude it. As I left the house I lit a match and let it fall to the floor.

I didn't look back.

I ran and ran, running with my eyes closed, descending into nowhere and nothing. But as I approached the edge of town through the maze of a wild garden, a ray of light struck my face, as if to say that it is a new day, where nothing is certain, and everything hopeful.

I reached the subway station by foot at about 6 o'clock as I had planned. I could hear sirens in the distance rushing to my house and could see a mass of vibrant orange, red, and gray in the sky. The smoke had trailed upwards and caught a draft, riding the air from the sea. Once the train had departed and the town looked like no more than a small blot or a mistake in the distance, I bid my existence farewell, for what was left of it no longer existed to the world.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby serialies » February 6th, 2008, 11:44 am

sorry to interupt but is this type-moon based original or bonafide unique original?

and your writing is very good by the way :P grabbed my attention instantly, hope to see more ;]
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member. Man, I don't know how I get away with it.
User avatar
serialies
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 396
Joined: October 13th, 2007, 6:05 am

Unread postby Ida » February 6th, 2008, 4:35 pm

this is bona fide unique original material (as you put it)
thanks so much for reading and feel free to interrupt any time.

once my exams are over today I am going to post chapter 1, thanks for reading.

-EDIT-

sigh, i did well on my exams. i was worrying too much about not doing well when i should have had some confidence in myself.
relief is the best feeling in the world. now i can work on this story as much as i want today.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby AddleBoy » February 6th, 2008, 10:39 pm

I like what I've read so far, so I hope you continue this soon.

Also, if you want more feed back than you'll probably get here, then you could also post your story at fictionpress.com
User avatar
AddleBoy
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 267
Joined: January 16th, 2008, 4:00 am
Location: At the end of the world, upon the Hill of Swords.

Unread postby Ida » February 17th, 2008, 3:26 am

Sorry I haven't posted anything after the intro. I've actually pretty much finished the story but just haven't posted anything. I will post the first chapter if any of you are interested in reading. Thanks!
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby AddleBoy » February 17th, 2008, 4:47 am

I'd surely be interested in reading it. I hope to read more from you soon.
User avatar
AddleBoy
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 267
Joined: January 16th, 2008, 4:00 am
Location: At the end of the world, upon the Hill of Swords.

Unread postby serialies » February 17th, 2008, 5:38 am

*is also intrested*
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member. Man, I don't know how I get away with it.
User avatar
serialies
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 396
Joined: October 13th, 2007, 6:05 am

Unread postby Inverted » February 17th, 2008, 11:47 am

Me too pretty interested.
User avatar
Inverted
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 263
Joined: February 2nd, 2008, 7:25 pm

Unread postby Raitei » February 17th, 2008, 12:08 pm

include a fight in it! I'm serious!! :lol:

seriously, I haven't seen any fanfics here which includes any good fights... :(
"Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes... chaos.
I'm an agent of chaos."
Fate/world providence
User avatar
Raitei
OMG! WTF WHO SET THIS TITLE! LULZ
 
Posts: 2277
Joined: August 7th, 2007, 12:26 pm
Location: Distant wilderness

Unread postby Donvermicelli » February 18th, 2008, 7:55 pm

Seems interesting enough, the story telling is really good this might just be what I've been looking for.
User avatar
Donvermicelli
Addict
 
Posts: 72
Joined: February 16th, 2008, 9:20 pm

Unread postby Ida » February 19th, 2008, 7:57 am

Ya, It would be great if the moderator could delete these few meaningless posts, just editing the messages themselves to avoid confusion since I posted the scene like 10 times. Sorry lol!
Last edited by Ida on February 19th, 2008, 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby Ida » February 19th, 2008, 7:57 am

Ya, It would be great if the moderator could delete these few meaningless posts, just editing the messages themselves to avoid confusion since I posted the scene like 10 times. Sorry lol!
Last edited by Ida on February 19th, 2008, 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby Ida » February 19th, 2008, 7:58 am

Well, I accidentally posted scene 1 twice and I'm not sure how to delete it so... I guess I'll just explain what the notation is on the top for future reference. 1. Night Observing is the title of the chapter, and /1 indicates the scene number. I'm basically copying the notation for Kara No Kyoukai translations since I'm kind of lost in that department :P.

Thank you guys for all your interests and hopefully by the end of spring break I'll have edited and posted everything on the forums. So.. Enjoy!
Last edited by Ida on February 19th, 2008, 8:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

1. Night Observer: /1

Unread postby Ida » February 19th, 2008, 8:22 am

1. Night Observer

/1

(Ida)

I am sitting in math class as I listen to Tsuzahara-sensei reciting the definitions of the eigenvector and eigenvalue theories of a square matrix.

An eigenvector of a given linear transformation is a vector which is multiplied by a constant called the eigenvalue during transformation. The direction of the eigenvector is either unchanged by that transformation for positive eigenvalues or reversed for negative eigenvalues. An eigenspace of a given transformation is the set of all eigenvectors of that transformation that have the same eigenvalue. Together with the zero-vector it has no direction.

If eigenspace is not independent of mathematical laws, does this mean that eigenspace is an unisolated event?

Since it is a subset of vector-space, the eigenvalue is the product of an external variable, does this mean that this coefficient in actual value would be the equivalent of the real world? Human purpose would calculate itself into antiderivatives, superpositional experiences, and people would collide into one another in a higher dimension causing ripples in the world like subspace anomalies.

I suppose this right. I mean people are matrixes. Abstract quantities often oblivious to one another thinking that life is some linear progression when really we're no more than philosophical gears. A motif. But it's beautiful to think so, thinking you can live apart from everyone else; invisibly.

"Amano-san. Amano-san? Are you okay? Class is over you know. Do you want to go to the cafeteria for lunch?"

This is my classmate and good friend, Kojiro Yasuhara. Apparently I dazed off again, thinking too deeply about things that don't really make any sense. I should really stop that habit before people start pegging me as slow.

"Ah, Kojiro. Why don't you go ahead without me today? I'm not that hungry right now so I'll probably just get something to drink from the vending machine."

"Eh? On a diet are we? Well then I'll see you after school, Amano-san."

"After school then."

Kojiro is in a sunny mood as always.

After she makes her way out to the school corridors I find myself alone in the classroom. It can be nice to just sit once in a while and watch people go about their daily routines. First year students scurrying to the cafe for what's left of the bread and sandwiches, students running laps on the field, girls gossiping about this person and that person, some stressing out about examinations, and all of us unconsciously trying to come to terms with our hopes and our realities.

[sigh] I wonder what Soichi has been doing. He hasn't come to school for the last two days but that's not so unusual for him since he often disappears without a word for days at a time. Just like now.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby zweiterversuch » February 19th, 2008, 4:58 pm

mmm...
this isn't of type-moon,is it?
but what happens after it?
http://visualnoveldai.com/
If you want to create your own visual novel go there!
Try it out, no compromise!
8 inches in a week!

btw Princess Tutu is still Awesome!!!
zweiterversuch
$dead
 
Posts: 1424
Joined: February 7th, 2008, 6:53 pm

Unread postby Ida » February 20th, 2008, 5:53 am

Nah this isn't type-moon based fan fic. It's just original work. I'll post scene by scene but I am working on the next 1 right now so... just gotta wait till I'm finished/satisfied
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby serialies » February 20th, 2008, 10:15 am

hmm, could you be the next nasu? :P jk jk

...but who knows right?

in anycase its looking pretty good so far
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member. Man, I don't know how I get away with it.
User avatar
serialies
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 396
Joined: October 13th, 2007, 6:05 am

Unread postby Ida » February 20th, 2008, 9:03 pm

=/ that's high praise for a loser like me. I keep rereading what I've posted and I find it all too familiar---maybe because I've read it so many times but I think it's because when I compare it to the kara no kyoukai script, it just seems like I'm not executing well. Mmm... but I should probably hold off on changing anything until after I edit the more remedial stuff and finish posting.

God I wish Nasu could give me a few pointers :P.
User avatar
Ida
Posting more than n00bs
 
Posts: 26
Joined: February 5th, 2008, 1:45 pm
Location: Pittsburgh

Unread postby serialies » February 21st, 2008, 12:37 am

well we all have to start somewhere
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member. Man, I don't know how I get away with it.
User avatar
serialies
Crack Desu!
 
Posts: 396
Joined: October 13th, 2007, 6:05 am

Next

Return to TYPE-MOON Fan Fiction

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest