F/sn Typo/Grammar Mistake Report [v2.0]

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F/sn Typo/Grammar Mistake Report [v2.0]

Unread postby Message » March 16th, 2008, 11:13 am

This is a report thread for all the typos and grammar mistakes you may find in Fate/stay night English.

Please state:
- The sentence(s) containing the error
- The mistake (what's wrong)
- Possible correction

NOTE - Before you post a textual error, search this thread to see if it hasn't already been reported.
NOTE - Only report errors ONCE. Do NOT discuss other people's reports, nor our decision on whether or not to fix something.
NOTE - If there are blank spaces in the text, they are intentional! (especially those of you who report about Fuji-Nee and Caster scene)
NOTE - Yes, Berserker speaks in black lines
Last edited by Message on November 1st, 2008, 11:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread postby TomS » March 16th, 2008, 3:13 pm

UBW route
5th day : Rin's room - Cooperation established
After Shirou is wounded by Rider in the forest and is taken to Rin's home to treat the wound.
"Maybe. It seemed like he taught me magic because I woouldn't give up"

The correction is obvious.
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Unread postby Kjoery » March 16th, 2008, 4:42 pm

2nd Day, Breakfast preparation with Sakura - Signs
"There should be a fast rice cooker over then"
Should be "there".
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Unread postby Qaenyin Angelblade » March 16th, 2008, 5:16 pm

Immediately after the game splits to UBW route:

Rin: "Archer. Can you turn into spirit form for a while? I'm angry right now."

Archer:"I don't mind, but what do you mean by pissed?"

first line says angry, second line says pissed. I'd suggest replacing angry with "pissed off" in the first line, or pissed in the second line with "angry"
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Unread postby Pado » March 16th, 2008, 6:01 pm

First day - Fate Prologue: Image

an heirloom --> a heirloom

edit: should be correct actually...
Last edited by Pado on March 17th, 2008, 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread postby aldeayeah » March 16th, 2008, 8:22 pm

3rd day - Night
Forest of No Return
(bad end)

"Than you do not mind being killed by me here?
...I cannot be a spirit. If I cannot absorb your soul, your body will face a painful death. You are going to accept that?"


Should be "then".
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Unread postby Pado » March 16th, 2008, 9:20 pm

3rd day - Fate Prologue: Image

So, we're talking --> So, we're taking
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Unread postby aldeayeah » March 16th, 2008, 9:32 pm

Tiger Dojo 3

You're thinking too much, Taiga. After all,we're on a completely different level. I don't even need to change into my best clothes.

Missing space after the comma.

---

Fate 10th Day
Vs Rider (II) - Sword of Promised Victory

Her sword was not invisible.
It merely did not allow others to see it
A golden sword that captivates all who see it, and its all-too-famous true name.


Missing period.
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Unread postby Ephyon » March 16th, 2008, 11:19 pm

This one is actually from the Fate section, and it might have been brought up before since it's not a grammar thing, but anyhow:

Right at the beginning when Shirou is lying on the hospital and Kiritsugu does his introduction, he says "To start off, I'm a sorcerer". Shouldn't that be mage/magician?
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Unread postby aldeayeah » March 16th, 2008, 11:36 pm

Fate Day 13
VS Caster - The eighth Servant

The robe is pierced by lances. As the robe is blown away, more lancespierce it.

Missing space.

The black robe who lost its master floats away.

"That" or "which".
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Unread postby Kapow » March 17th, 2008, 12:42 am

Pado wrote:an heirloom --> a heirloom

No. Are you pronouncing it "hair-loom" or what?
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Unread postby Gram49 » March 17th, 2008, 4:02 am

Kapow wrote:
Pado wrote:an heirloom --> a heirloom

No. Are you pronouncing it "hair-loom" or what?


I always thought u put 'an' before any word that starts with a vowel and "a" before any word that starts with a consonant so that would fit this scenario although "an heirloom" sounds right also.
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Unread postby Qaenyin Angelblade » March 17th, 2008, 8:33 am

The h in heirloom is silent, so it's not considered based on the "an or a" rule. It's based on pronunciation and not spelling.

Also, on the 10th day at breakfast:

She puts margarine on hear break while she's speaking.

hear should be her.
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Unread postby Phlebas » March 17th, 2008, 9:28 am

Second day: After School Part-time job - Tohsaka Rin (I):

(In the park)
Kiritsugu answered the question I asked as a child.
Of course, as I child, I denied it.

->As a child, or as I was a child.

[This was reported and reportedly fixed in the 1.0 grammar report thread, but still exists]

****

UBW route, night of the 7th day (Intermission - A story)

(last screen of the dream)
...That's why he never had any regrets.
His objective was already accomplished long ago.
From the start, he ran with his utmost effort, not for himself, but
for strangers shouldn't have meant anything to him------

-> (omission:) strangers who shouldn't have meant

***
UBW route, 9th day: Night, Intersection - Plan failed. Rin's wonder:

"Rin. I will warn you that the temple is a treacherous place for we Servants.
There is not much chance of winning even if we get Archer and try to force our way through."

-> us servants

***
UBW route, Einzbern Castle - Your distortion
(said by Rin:)

You would get enraged by seeing corpses, but you didn't feel any schock or disgust.

->shock

***
UBW route, 15th day: Dawn-Einzbern Castle - "VS"
(said by Archer:)

"You won't do anything, huh? That's good.
If Saber interrupts right me now, I'll have broken my
contract with Rin for nothing."

->me right now

***
UBW route, 15th day: Dawn-Einzbern Castle - "VS"
(said by Archer:)

"You're wrong, Saber. guardians are not ones that protect the people.

-> Guardians (missing capital)
Last edited by Phlebas on March 17th, 2008, 9:47 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Re: F/sn Typo/Grammar Mistake Report [v2.0]

Unread postby Pado » March 17th, 2008, 10:00 am

Message wrote:Do NOT discuss other people's reports
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More stuff

Unread postby james-skarz » March 17th, 2008, 12:17 pm

UBW 3rd day: Fighting with Berserker -
When Archer first fires arrows at berserker (Second image of arrows): 'They have extereme accuracy'. That's an obvious one :P

Again, after Saber is 'flung away' by berserker: 'Silver lights come flashing down to stop intercept'. The line should either be 'to intercept it/him/the giant/the black whirlwind' or 'to stop it/him/the giant/the black whirlwind'

Again at the cemetery, Shirou comments:'I'm sure an hindrance of this degree is only trivial for Berserker'. It's a hard 'h', so it should be 'a hindrance'.

Also, when Rin is arguing with Shirou, she says: 'You're right. I'm the shameless one for asking you to do something i can't do'. Shouldn't that be 'I should be ashamed', it sounds like she's saying that she has no shame for telling him that :S.

When Rin is commenting on Saber's tactics she says: 'She got Berserker away from you, all while she pretended to be cornered'. Should be 'all the while; and when she says 'Our enemy is a monster who even nullifies Archer's arrows.' This one's arguable, but i think it should be 'that nullifies even'

When Archer fires his 'arrow', in the resulting explosion Shirou says:'Many things go flying through the air, and a piece of something pierces my back'. I think it should just be 'something' and, again arguable when Shirou says 'He's smiling as if to tell me that he wasn't aiming just at Berserker', i think it should be 'that we wasn't just aiming at Berserker' and when Ilya leaves, Shirou says 'Saying this, she goes away'. I don't think that sounds 'right', this one is just opinionated but i really think it should be something like 'saying this, she disappears into the fire' or something to that effect..goes away sounds awkward. And if the word used was 'kieru' (Yeah that's in jap) then it can be translated as disappear anyway.

UBW Route: Fourth day - Morning -

Beginning of fourth day, Shirou says (just before noticing Tohsaka): 'I don't know how long it's been, but i can feel warm sunlight'. Simply put, that sounds dumb, should be 'i can feel the warmth of sunlight' or 'but i feel warm'

and after he notices her: 'It's not because of this surprising event. I'm surprised the most at seeing Tohsaka right when i wake up -'. Arguably, these two sound a bit odd. 'the most' shouldn't be there in my opinion, and 'right when i wake up', i think it should be 'in front of me' or 'when i wake up'/'immediately after waking up'.
Once again, 'then it's been only half a day'. Arguably, should be 'only been half a day'.

Tohsaka, when talking to Shirou, also says: 'Be ready to kill your own family. Geez, this is the first rule of being a Master'. This one is another one that has to do with the original japanese rather than the translation, which is why it's not a mistake. if the jap word was 'mataku',i think a better translation would be 'Seriously' in this context. Geez sounds as if she's starting a new statement. Again this one's kinda stupid and i'm not trying to say i'm better than Taka, but i think the use of the word Geez makes it sound like Rin's saying two different sentences at once.
Also, after their talk, Rin says: 'Well, that's all i have to say. Ask your servant the rest'. i think it should read as 'Ask your servant about the rest'. But this one i'm not too sure about.

Again, when she's about to leave she says 'Goodbye. We'll be enemies next time we meet , so be prepared.' It's subjective, but i think it should be 'the next time we meet' or 'when we next meet'.

Also, right after she leaves Shirou says "-------Well." I don't know what to think of this but it just sounds stupid, as I've never anyone ever just say 'Well', i think it should be a bit more expanded like 'Now then' or even just a general 'Now', as that sounds more fitting.

When Shirou's analyzing:'I can't take the facts in, but i have been attacked three times already.' Since grammar's sometimes subjective, it's complicated again but i think it should be 'but i have already been attacked three times'. He also says 'A fight for a single chair, called the Holy Grail War'. Chair sounds extremely queer in this sentence, i think the line should be something called 'A fight for supreme dominance' or something that denotes being number one. But once again the translation may say otherwise. Again after this when Shirou recalls Kirei's lines 'Rejoice, Emiya Shirou' and 'Your wish will finally come true'. I think they should be in italics or in single quotations 'e.g', since it almost seems as if he's saying it to himself rather than remembering what someone else said.

Finally, when talking to Saber, Shirou says:'Her lack of doubt gave her the image of a cold fighting machine, but i know now that she is not a cold-blooded killer.' Should be something along the lines of 'Her lack of doubt gave the impression that she was a desensitized fighting machine' or 'Her lack of doubt made her look like a machine', when i read 'cold fighting machine' it makes me think of a vending machine wielding a mace for some reason.

Again, when Shirou and Saber are discussing her ethical code of honour, he says:'Like you said, we have to do the best with what we can do.' I think it should be 'with what we have' or 'to do the best we can'/'to do the best we can with what we have'.

When Saber begins discussing Servants and their identities/details, Shirou says:'That doesn't even need to be said'. This one is again, subjective, but i think it should be 'That goes without saying.' What he said originally sounds quite uncommon for a teenager. Additionally, Saber says 'The Holy Grail calls forth from all times the heroic spirits', Fragment (consider revision). j/k. but it should be 'The Holy Grail calls forth heroic spirits from any time period', or simply the same with [the heroic spirits] in front of [from all times].

Once again (Mou ikkai!), Shirou says after that:'I see. So you were a heroic spirit skilled with swords, so you were summoned as Saber?'. Either remove the first So or change the line after the comma into 'and therefore you were summoned as Saber?'

I'm running out of ways to say more, Saber says 'Exactly. If your enemy discovers you are skilled in combat, your enemy will most likely not challenge you in combat.' The second one is unnecessary, should just be changed to a pronoun of they/he/she.

Finally (its getting terribly late), when Shirou comments on Lancer he says: 'Saber, are Noble Phantasms magic? Lancer's lance certainly seemed like a lance with history, but the lance itself wasn't extraordinary. But that lance went beyond the realm of weapons with his words. Isn't that some sort of magic?' The last 'but' should be removed and the sentence restructured. The best I've got for that line is 'Yet with his words, that lance went beyond/surpassed the realm of weapons'. As a side note Shirou says 'Well' again after discussing Noble Phantasms. Really depending on the japanese again, I think it should be 'Now then'. And, truly finally, when Shirou asks saber how to find a Master she says 'No. Unfortunately, there is no clear way to distinguish them', just change to 'distinguish between them and others' or even just say 'detect them', because it sounds like Saber wants to distinguish them in some way.

That's all for the 3rd and 4th days of UBW...I think this is the most errors i've found at the moment, since I've only read upto the end of the fourth day. But yeah...it was alot i guess. Don't hate me..i really just want a spot on translation for others so that they mightn't be confused, if i've offended the staff in any way from what I've said...i apologise (shitsureishimasu). Also, if there are spelling or grammatical errors in my typing (Apart from the mistakes in the game i pointed out -_-) don't say anything because this post is too long for me to care what I'm saying outside of reporting the mistakes.

Love always, j-s.
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Unread postby aldeayeah » March 17th, 2008, 4:06 pm

1st Day: After dinner
Well done

Chicken becomes harder the longer you cook it, so it's juicer and tastier if you roast it before cooking even though it's tedious.

Should be "juicier".

---

2nd Day: After school-Part time job
Tohsaka Rin(I)

A park should be filled with people like families and lovers on weekends, but it's empty here now.No... this place is always desolate.


Missing space after the period.
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Unread postby TrevoriuS » March 17th, 2008, 6:33 pm

All this being UBW:
5th day - Morning - Preparation of breakfast with Sakura

Sakura now says:
"Good morning, Senpai. I'm already starting to prepare breakfast."
She should say:
"Good morning Senpai. I've already started to prepare breakfast."

I also recommend you to leave away komma's between statements similar to 'hello' and a name or the definition of a person. This simply because it follows the rules of English grammar more closely.

Another thing on that same morning:
Saber says:
"I am used to it.
...But to be honest, chopsticks are tiring. I do believe it is better than fork and spoon, though."

In this scentence she is contradicting herself, as well as the though having that komma becoming out of place. Afterwards Fuji-Sensei says "Yeah. I bet you prefer fork and spoon over chopsticks." I suggest you therefore correct Saber's scentence to be in favour of the fork and spoon.

More of that morning, when Shirou is heading out for school and just told Saber to stay home:
Saber: "Yes. If you call for me in your mind, it will be transmitted to me, your Servant. ...Please use the Command Spell if you believe that will not be in time either. I shall be able to jupm through space to aide you if I have its backup.


Probably just a type,-o aid has no e at the end.

Another one when Shirou faces Rider in the woods behind the archery range, after he fought Rin in the school:
"A servant...!" I'm sure of it. A concentration of magical energy even Tohsaka cannot stand up to. An ethereal beauty and a thick smell of blood. I don't know class she is, but her existence is beyond human------

Last scentence should state I don't know WHAT class she is

Right after that scene when I choose to "pull out Riders nail with my other arm" instead of summoning Saber, Rin comes to treat Shirous wounds. There she says something funny: "Ugh it's not much better than mine. But it's better than nothing. We can make do with my towel and that." - I figure it should be something like "We can make it with my towel and that."
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UBW

Unread postby imagelesskink » March 17th, 2008, 8:14 pm

When Caster is holding Fujimura hostage, every instance of "Fuji-nee" is blanked out.
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Unread postby Alucard » March 17th, 2008, 8:24 pm

UBW route, Day 8
Intermission
Another blessing for this loser

"His desperation is like that of a pray being chased by a hound"

should be prey (one being hunted) rather than pray (what one does to Kami-sama).
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