UBW 3rd day: Fighting with Berserker -
When Archer first fires arrows at berserker (Second image of arrows): 'They have extereme
accuracy'. That's an obvious one
Again, after Saber is 'flung away' by berserker: 'Silver lights come flashing down to stop intercept
'. The line should either be 'to intercept it/him/the giant/the black whirlwind' or 'to stop it/him/the giant/the black whirlwind'
Again at the cemetery, Shirou comments:'I'm sure an hindrance
of this degree is only trivial for Berserker'. It's a hard 'h', so it should be 'a hindrance'.
Also, when Rin is arguing with Shirou, she says: 'You're right. I'm the shameless one for asking you to do something i can't do'. Shouldn't that be 'I should be ashamed', it sounds like she's saying that she has no shame for telling him that
When Rin is commenting on Saber's tactics she says: 'She got Berserker away from you, all while she pretended to be cornered'. Should be 'all the
while; and when she says 'Our enemy is a monster who even nullifies Archer's arrows.' This one's arguable, but i think it should be 'that nullifies even'
When Archer fires his 'arrow', in the resulting explosion Shirou says:'Many things go flying through the air, and a piece of something
pierces my back'. I think it should just be 'something' and, again arguable when Shirou says 'He's smiling as if to tell me that he wasn't aiming just
at Berserker', i think it should be 'that we wasn't just aiming at Berserker' and when Ilya leaves, Shirou says 'Saying this, she goes away'. I don't think that sounds 'right', this one is just opinionated but i really think it should be something like 'saying this, she disappears into the fire' or something to that effect..goes away sounds awkward. And if the word used was 'kieru' (Yeah that's in jap) then it can be translated as disappear anyway.
UBW Route: Fourth day - Morning -
Beginning of fourth day, Shirou says (just before noticing Tohsaka): 'I don't know how long it's been, but i can feel warm sunlight
'. Simply put, that sounds dumb, should be 'i can feel the warmth of sunlight' or 'but i feel warm'
and after he notices her: 'It's not because of this surprising event. I'm surprised the most
at seeing Tohsaka right when
i wake up -'. Arguably, these two sound a bit odd. 'the most' shouldn't be there in my opinion, and 'right when i wake up', i think it should be 'in front of me' or 'when i wake up'/'immediately after waking up'.
Once again, 'then it's been only
half a day'. Arguably, should be 'only been half a day'.
Tohsaka, when talking to Shirou, also says: 'Be ready to kill your own family. Geez, this is the first rule of being a Master'. This one is another one that has to do with the original japanese rather than the translation, which is why it's not a mistake. if the jap word was 'mataku',i think a better translation would be 'Seriously' in this context. Geez sounds as if she's starting a new statement. Again this one's kinda stupid and i'm not trying to say i'm better than Taka, but i think the use of the word Geez makes it sound like Rin's saying two different sentences at once.
Also, after their talk, Rin says: 'Well, that's all i have to say. Ask your servant the rest'. i think it should read as 'Ask your servant about the rest'. But this one i'm not too sure about.
Again, when she's about to leave she says 'Goodbye. We'll be enemies next time we meet
, so be prepared.' It's subjective, but i think it should be 'the next time we meet' or 'when we next meet'.
Also, right after she leaves Shirou says "-------Well." I don't know what to think of this but it just sounds stupid, as I've never anyone ever just say 'Well', i think it should be a bit more expanded like 'Now then' or even just a general 'Now', as that sounds more fitting.
When Shirou's analyzing:'I can't take the facts in, but i have been attacked three times already.' Since grammar's sometimes subjective, it's complicated again but i think it should be 'but i have already been attacked three times'. He also says 'A fight for a single chair
, called the Holy Grail War'. Chair sounds extremely queer in this sentence, i think the line should be something called 'A fight for supreme dominance' or something that denotes being number one. But once again the translation may say otherwise. Again after this when Shirou recalls Kirei's lines 'Rejoice, Emiya Shirou' and 'Your wish will finally come true'. I think they should be in italics or in single quotations 'e.g', since it almost seems as if he's saying it to himself rather than remembering what someone else said.
Finally, when talking to Saber, Shirou says:'Her lack of doubt gave her the image of a cold fighting machine
, but i know now that she is not a cold-blooded killer.' Should be something along the lines of 'Her lack of doubt gave the impression that she was a desensitized fighting machine' or 'Her lack of doubt made her look like a machine', when i read 'cold fighting machine' it makes me think of a vending machine wielding a mace for some reason.
Again, when Shirou and Saber are discussing her ethical code of honour, he says:'Like you said, we have to do the best with what we can do
.' I think it should be 'with what we have' or 'to do the best we can'/'to do the best we can with what we have'.
When Saber begins discussing Servants and their identities/details, Shirou says:'That doesn't even need to be said'. This one is again, subjective, but i think it should be 'That goes without saying.' What he said originally sounds quite uncommon for a teenager. Additionally, Saber says 'The Holy Grail calls forth from all times the heroic spirits', Fragment (consider revision). j/k. but it should be 'The Holy Grail calls forth heroic spirits from any time period', or simply the same with [the heroic spirits] in front of [from all times].
Once again (Mou ikkai!), Shirou says after that:'I see. So you were a heroic spirit skilled with swords, so you were summoned as Saber?'. Either remove the first So or change the line after the comma into 'and therefore you were summoned as Saber?'
I'm running out of ways to say more, Saber says 'Exactly. If your enemy discovers you are skilled in combat, your enemy
will most likely not challenge you in combat.' The second one is unnecessary, should just be changed to a pronoun of they/he/she.
Finally (its getting terribly late), when Shirou comments on Lancer he says: 'Saber, are Noble Phantasms magic? Lancer's lance certainly seemed like a lance with history, but the lance itself wasn't extraordinary. But
that lance went beyond the realm of weapons with his words. Isn't that some sort of magic?' The last 'but' should be removed and the sentence restructured. The best I've got for that line is 'Yet with his words, that lance went beyond/surpassed the realm of weapons'. As a side note Shirou says 'Well' again after discussing Noble Phantasms. Really depending on the japanese again, I think it should be 'Now then'. And, truly finally, when Shirou asks saber how to find a Master she says 'No. Unfortunately, there is no clear way to distinguish them', just change to 'distinguish between them and others' or even just say 'detect them', because it sounds like Saber wants to distinguish them in some way.
That's all for the 3rd and 4th days of UBW...I think this is the most errors i've found at the moment, since I've only read upto the end of the fourth day. But yeah...it was alot i guess. Don't hate me..i really just want a spot on translation for others so that they mightn't be confused, if i've offended the staff in any way from what I've said...i apologise (shitsureishimasu). Also, if there are spelling or grammatical errors in my typing (Apart from the mistakes in the game i pointed out -_-) don't say anything because this post is too long for me to care what I'm saying outside of reporting the mistakes.
Love always, j-s.