Tsukihime Typo/Grammar mistake Report [v1.1]

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Tsukihime Typo/Grammar mistake Report [v1.1]

Unread postby marus » December 3rd, 2006, 6:22 am

[Edit by Message]

NOTE - Before you post a textual error, search this thread to see if it hasn't already been reported.

NOTE - Only report errors ONCE. Do NOT discuss other people's reports, nor our decision on whether or not to fix something.


This is a report thread for all the typos and grammer mistakes you may find in Tsukihime English.

Please state:
- The scene (Day and route may help)
- The mistake (what's wrong)
- Sentences around it
- Possible correction
- The version of Tsukihime English



Current version: 1.1 [2006-12-03]

[End of edit]
______________________________________________________________________________



Day 1, bumping into Ciel in the hallway

..... I don't think I space out, but there's nothing I can do about the fact that I forgot

Need a period at the end.

Day 3, Kohaku's Route, waking up

There is a great scar there, and even though that it has headed, at times it still hurts like it did just now.

Maybe no change is needed, but I think just 'though' sounds a lot better.

Day 4, Kohaku's Route, the welcoming party

"Thank you for waiting! More food and more drink!"

'Drink' should be plural.
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Unread postby Ryuusoul » December 3rd, 2006, 9:23 am

marus wrote:
"Thank you for waiting! More food and more drink!"

'Drink' should be plural.


Food and drink is an expression... it encompasses plural in this case.
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Unread postby Message » December 3rd, 2006, 12:19 pm

Ryuusoul wrote:
Elric of Grans wrote:Not so much a typo as a possible logic error in the plot.

Kohaku's route, just after killing Sacchin. You return and are treated by Akiha, but she notices the bite on your neck and laps up the blood. At this time, Shiki remembers licking the wounds of Akiha and Hisui when they were children. At this point, he still thinks it was Kohaku he played with, and that he did not have any contact with Hisui until the day he left the mansion. Did someone type in the wrong name in the translation (well, the right name, but Shiki should be confused even if the player is not :p), or was this an error in the original Japanese?


It's actually an error in the Japanese... we're not going to stick with the original on this one...

This bug is not yet fixed in v1.1.
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Unread postby Wormlord1442 » December 3rd, 2006, 3:30 pm

Day 9, Arcueid Route, after watching the movie

Was it was boring?

Still not fixed, should be:
Was it boring?

Previously reported by md on the 1.0 thread, and it wasn't explicitely denied, so I think it was overlooked. Sorry if it's intentional.
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Unread postby Dectilon » December 3rd, 2006, 10:03 pm

There's a line in the Arcuied storyline (when they are in the classroom. The background is the orange sky) that goes: "They say fun things can't be found, but I think for humans, just living is fun".

Seems like a sentence that translates badly. Maybe it could be like "They say you don't just find happiness, but I think for humans just being alive is happiness".

Just a thought : )
- "I can't help to be angry when I'm furious!"
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Unread postby marus » December 4th, 2006, 4:36 am

Wonderful! I just finished reading, so this will probably be my last post in this thread - I'm so sad...

Day 9, Kohaku Route, Kohaku caring for you in your room

"..... Aw. That's no good, Shiki-san. You're a boy, so have to endure some pain."

'so you have'

Day 11, Kohaku Route, waking up after being drugged

There isn't any need to continue acting or hide anything.

Should be 'to hide'.

Forcing me to sleep---was she just worrying about me............!?"

Don't need any quotation marks at the end of that.

"..... Damn it..... what kind of drug, did she, give me. ..... I have to go, to here room once and---"

Period at the first sentence should be a question mark.

Day ?, secret

.....A cat is fine, too.

I asked for Akira-chan, and I get a cat. A CAT!!! WHAT KIND OF SICK EROGE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN READING!?


Perverts...
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Unread postby antiaries » December 4th, 2006, 1:24 pm

Day 4: Far side of the moon route.

I've declined Kohaku's offer to throw a welcome back party, I fell unconcious and awoke to Akiha in my room. The following script ensues:

"What are you saying? Your condition isn't your fault, right? It is only natural for me to take care of my own brother, Nii-san. You saying that you are a trouble to me is actually more troublesome than me watching over you."
"...... I see. Well, I won't say thanks than. It's only natural, since we are brother and sister."

Should be "then".
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Unread postby antiaries » December 6th, 2006, 9:17 am

Day ?: Far side of the moon route.

Akiha wakes me from a nap in the sitting room. The following script ensues:

"....................."
I think what Akiha says is worthwhile is very limited.
"...... Well, I do think so. It's just that what you think is worthwhile is different from what I think is worthwhile. Sleeping twice would just be a waste.
The reason why I want to go to my room is simple. It takes a lot of effort to face you right after waking up, so I though I'd refresh my head in my own room."

Should be "thought".
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Unread postby antiaries » December 7th, 2006, 9:26 am

Day 5: Far side of the moon route.

I arrive at my homeroom class and realize Yumizuka's desk is now missing. The following script ensues:

".......... That, can't be true........."
But I can deny it that strongly.
Even though I'm in a classroom without her right now, I can't recall her that well.

Should be "can't".
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Unread postby Jinnai » December 7th, 2006, 12:20 pm

Day 10 - Vemillion Crimson Moon II - Acrueid route

Talking with Ciel-senpai the following script occurs:

"And when that happens they become the dreaded Demon Lords.

True Ancestors are certainly a superior race, but they they certainly bind themselves to resist the vampiric impulse, they can never utilize their full power."

Double "they"

Also either use a semi-colon instead of a coma or replace it with "so"
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Unread postby Wormlord1442 » December 7th, 2006, 3:40 pm

(night of) Day 9, Arcueid route. s180, entering the alley.

As if a saw was slowly but surely slicing through my spine, a pain works it way from inside me.

its
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Unread postby Wormlord1442 » December 7th, 2006, 11:27 pm

(night of) day 10, Arcueid Route, fighting the Dead

"Is a neck able to be bitten off by human mouth?"

I see two problems, the first is the lack of "a" before "human mouth". Another possibility would be to make it plural: "by human mouths".

The other problem is that the way the idea is expressed just sounds weird, because AFAIK, "able to" is used to express an ability, not a possiblity, so I think it would be better with one of these:

-Can a neck be bitten off by a human mouth?
-Is a human mouth able to bite off a neck?
-Is it possible for a neck to be bitten off a by human mouth?
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Unread postby EvaUnit02 » December 9th, 2006, 2:59 pm

Ciel route, between s281-s284 (no clue which one). Sorry, can't remember what day it's from.

Anyway, Roa dialogue:-

"...... Yeah, I remember that feeling from that time.
Everything turned crimson and I started to hate everything. The voices of the birds, the leaves on the treas, everything became bothersome to me, and I destroyed whatever I came across.


http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/4578 ... po0my2.jpg
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Unread postby Mr VacBob » December 10th, 2006, 4:44 am

Unfortunately I'm still on 1.0 here.

Kohaku route, Hisui talking.

"She's seems to be worrying that my declining condition"

----

epilogue (this totally drew me out of suspension of disbelief geez)

There's has been a lot that has changed

---

PS the final Ciel's lesson should use "capstone" instead of "propman" perhaps.
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Unread postby TheXev » December 11th, 2006, 1:51 pm

http://www.revolve-trans.org/screenshot ... ev%201.jpg

Original:
"I feel the same way. To catch one of the surviving True Ancestors... I never dreamed I would be a part of such foolish festival. This is a nightmare for me, too."

Correction:
"I feel the same way. To catch one of the surviving True Ancestors... I never dreamed I would be a part of such a foolish festival. This is a nightmare for me, too."

http://www.revolve-trans.org/screenshot ... ev%202.jpg

Correction: need to capitalize "church."
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Unread postby Message » December 11th, 2006, 6:32 pm

To prevent setting an unwanted precedent: DO NOT POST SCREENCAPS. Post text only.
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Unread postby aldeayeah » December 16th, 2006, 6:09 pm

Epilogue, Hisui Route Good Ending
(Scene s413 in the v1.1 flowchart)

Original:
Pulling Hisui, whose still wanting to say something, I walk towards Kohaku-san's room.

Correction:
Pulling Hisui, who's still wanting to say something, I walk towards Kohaku-san's room.


Cain 2, Kohaku Route Day 6
(in the night, before the dream scene)

Original:
---I can't sleep like this.
I have get up and drink some water.

Correction:
---I can't sleep like this.
I have to get up and drink some water.


Maybe this one isn't even a mistake, but I can't tell:

Locks of hair, Kohaku Route Day 10
(kurenaisekishu dream scene)

Original:
The night is dark, the vale of trees shrouds the entire world.
[...]
Within the vale of trees, I hear sounds like they're having a festival.

Correction:
The night is dark, the veil (?) of trees shrouds the entire world.
[...]
Within the veil (?) of trees, I hear sounds like they're having a festival.


Secret scene 2

Original:
Kohaku hands me small wooden box.

Correction:
Kohaku hands me a small wooden box.


Evil in every corner II / Kohaku Route Day 8
(Right after waking up)

Original:
"Huh? Do you not remember Shiki-san? I found you collapsed in the lobby and you stood up once I called you.

Correction:
"Huh? Do you not remember, Shiki-san? I found you collapsed in the lobby and you stood up once I called you.
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Unread postby Ryuusoul » December 20th, 2006, 11:53 am

Thanks for all the corrections so far. I have updated the scripts to reflect the errors, with only one or two exceptions.
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Unread postby Konstantin » December 24th, 2006, 4:45 am

Finally finished the game, so here are all the ones that I've found. I've checked them against the 1.1 script and copy-pasted directly from there, so you should be able to just search for the text. I've included the script *s numbers as identifiers, since that's how I've been marking them down as I was playing through the game. The ones that have multiple *s numbers above them separated by slashes occur in multiple sections.

Thanks for an excellent translation, really looking forward to F/SN!




*s20
I place my hands together in the room that was mine at the Arimas up until now.
"Arimas" should be "Arimas'".


*s35/*s502
The winter vacation of the second year of middle school was when I had applied to stay for extra lessons at school because I felt bad about staying at the Arimas.
"Arimas" should be "Arimas'".

The first three days of the new year having passed, I had applied for extra lessons and requested to stay behind at school and help out because I felt bad about staying at the Arimas.
"Arimas" should be "Arimas'".

It had become dark, and I was forced out of the the classrooms as all the teachers were going home.
Double "the".


*s35
She pronounced this while staring straight at me, and I am too embarrassed to offer a rebuttal.
The tenses don't match up. The original Japanese has both parts in the present.


*s93
I can't killed be by something like this and I refuse to die.
"Can't killed be" should be "can't be killed".


*s104
Oh, I forget to tell you one more thing, Nrvnqsr.
"Forget" should be "forgot".


*s105
I speak and breath haltingly.
"Breath" should be "breathe".


*s106
Oh----my wound's healed.
Based on the description, it sounds like multiple wounds were healed, so "wound's" should probably be "wounds are".


*s121
My fingers moves under her upraised skirt.
"Moves" should be "move".


*s122
I try to move my arms, and the ropes digs into my skin.
"Digs" should be "dig".


*s127
White, beautiful, fine fingers that men's fingers doesn't even come close to.
"Doesn't" should be "don't".


*s138
I breath out a sigh and slump my shoulders.
"Breath" should be "breathe".


*s142
And after many years, once a Living Dead is able to restore it's intelligence, it becomes a vampire.
"It's" should be "its".


*s146
What a great morning, isn't it Akiha?"
There should be a " at the beginning of the sentence.


*s178
Her vice-like grip on my shoulders cause my arms to go numb.
"Cause" should be "caused".


*s181/*s182
Her gaze shift away as she says this.
"Shift" should be "shifts".


*s193
She feels warm when I touch her, yet she she's so soft it feels like she would melt if I press too hard.
Double "she".

My essence fluids her insides.
"Floods" or "fills" might be a more appropriate verb ^^;


*s217/*s218
I step out of the back alley, and into the the open space.
Double "the".


*s218
Her speed is is not that of a human's, but of a wild beast.
Double "is".


*s227
He must be imagining the same thing I am: Ciel-senpai kneading dough with those white finger of hers and baking it.
"Finger" should be "fingers".

Is is okay if I use this person's chair?
Second "is" should be "it".

Not eat|| Won't that make you hungry?
"Eat" should be "eating".


*s234
The school was bound to find out it I was walking around late at night in my school uniform.
"It" should be "if".


*s236
There is a great scar there, and even though that it has healed, at times it still hurts like it did just now.
"That" should be deleted.


*236/*s241/*s242
There isn't a sound under the the moonlight.
Double "the".


*s271
It seems she doesn't realize me, but Hisui is making her way towards the woods.
"She doesn't realize me" should be "she doesn't realize I'm there".


*s283
Even as she spit out blood.
"Spit" should be "spat" or "was spitting".

Originally, the family I was born into was one that I choose beforehand.
"Choose" should be "chose".


*288
Because my first was the the best beyond all belief, it's hopeless.
Double "the".


*s302
It must have broke the skin because fresh blood seeps over my chest.
"Broke" should be "broken".


*s308
I wont let Tohno-kun walk such a tightrope like killing himself.
"Wont" should be "won't".


*s312
I think my voice was kinder then I ever was.
"Then" should be "than".
Line still doesn't really make sense. Something like "I think my voice was kinder than I ever expected it to be." might work as a translation, if I understand the original Japanese correctly: それは、自分でもわからないぐらい、優しい声だったと思う。


*s361
As she speak, I realize how tense I was getting.
"Speak" should be "speaks".

Oh, By the way, is that Akiha doing any better?
"By" should have a lower-case 'b'.


*s380
If I hadn't of wiped that blood off my chest, I would have grown swords out of my back and died instantly.
"Hadn't of" should be "hadn't've" or "hadn't have".


*s383
Even though one of my shoulder's bone is broken, I embrace Akiha with one arm.
"Shoulder's" should be "shoulders'".


*s397
All I can do is is try to sleep deeply so that I won't dream at all.
Double "is".


*s402
Maybe it's better if I just pretend that I haven't woke up yet
"Woke" should be "woken".

That dream is much better then what happened now.
"Then" should be "than".

The headache that greets me when I awake is slightly less then usual.
"Then" should be "than".

My heart starts to pound heavily in a totally different way then other times.
"Then" should be "than".


*s404
Fighting against Hisui's tightness inviting me in to her depths, I pull out, then thrust back in.
"In to" should be "into".


*s409
She tightens around all around me.
The first "around" should be deleted.

But her eyes still holds tears, and I feel a stabbing pain in my heart.
"Holds" should be "hold".

Exhausted, she leans her whole onto me.
"Whole" should be followed by "body". Original Japanese: 力尽きたのか、ぐったりと俺に体を預けてくる翡翠

There seems to be an old diary and some envelope.
"Envelope" should probably be "envelopes", though I think the original text referred to loose stationary/paper: 中には古びた日記帳と、便箋らしきものがあるだけだった

The date starts in the summer of eight years ago and seems to continue on a past that.
"A" should be followed by "little". Original Japanese: 日付は、八年前の夏の日から始まって、その後は少しずつ月日が経過しているようだ


*s413
Other then a bed and a desk, the room is completely empty.
"Then" should be "than".

Saying that, I crumble the paper.
"Crumble" should be "crumple".


*s416
The pain is exactly my back, but more from my spine.
"Is" should be "isn't".


*s425
With me still inside of her, she rocks her hip in a circle.
"Hip" should be "hips".


*s428
The instance she passes by the classroom, I'll jump out into the hallway and attack her.
"Instance" should be "instant".
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Unread postby cielsempai » January 5th, 2007, 3:19 am

Yahoo, I finally got enough free time to start playing! Thanks again to all Mirror Moon staff; this is a fantastic translation! If I can help out even a little as a typo-catcher to repay you all, I'll certainly do it. :D

Some things I noticed:

-Day 1, Arcueid route-

*During the first cafeteria scene while talking to Ciel, she says:

["I see, you've only changed your residence. So, now you live in the outskirts of town."]

-Suggested correction: ["So, now you live on the outskirts of town.]

*Sitting room scene with Akiha, Shiki's lines:
["I've heard nothing more than a sudden 'Come back to the mansion', though I found out the old man passed away on the papers."]

and

[...... If the head of a major company dies, it definitely makes it on the financial papers.]

-Not sure if these are part of a way of speaking I don't realize and therefore intentional, but they sounded sort of out of place to me (particularly the first one - makes it sound like Tohno Sr. died squatting on newspapers :lol:) So I suggest [passed away from the papers] or [in the papers], and for the second [makes it into the financial papers (or [in the financial papers"]).

*Shiki's room scene at night, with Hisui, after asking about the television:

[Hisui's eyes narrows slightly.]

- should be [Hisui's eyes narrow slightly.].

Day 2
*While talking with Akiha in the sitting room that morning, when she gets angry at Shiki:

["Geez. you take things too easily, Nii-san."]

- capitalization; ["Geez. you take things too easily, Nii-san."] - or insert comma; ["Geez, you take things too easily, Nii-san."]

Day 3

*Confrontation with Arcueid in the alley:

[With that curt response, she makes another footstep, the sound reaching my ears.]

-This just reads a bit awkwardly, though I feel for you; that line seems like it would be a difficult one to express in English. I'd suggest something like [With that curt response, she takes another step, the sound of her footfall reaching my ears.], but I see where this could be a personal preference issue. Sorry if it sounds like I'm nitpicking :oops:

*Same place:

[Because someone I've killed is coming to complain to me why I killed her.]

- This seems very ungainly as well. [Because someone I've killed is coming to complain to me and demand to know why I killed her.], maybe?

*Yet another from the alley:

[...... Why is it? It's making me overcome with guilt and be unable to refuse.]

- Clunkiness aside, this makes it sound almost like "overcome" is being used as a verb. Without altering the sentence too much, how's [...... Why is it? It's making me feel overcome with guilt, and unable to refuse.]?

*That night, in the hotel room with Arcueid:

[Arcueid sits on the bed and we both stare absent mindedly at the clock.]

- one word there: [Arcueid sits on the bed and we both stare absentmindedly at the clock.]

Other than that, the first three Days on Arc's route are perfect. Please forgive me if I sound too harsh; I'm not trying to offend anyone, and I really am grateful for the hard work you put into this project! :bows:
Last edited by cielsempai on January 20th, 2007, 1:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
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