Tsukihime Typo/Grammar mistake Report [v1.0]

Caution: Flying pans at low altitude.

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Unread postby White » November 8th, 2006, 1:42 pm

Sorry I can't be more descriptive here, but it's my first time playing through and I didn't realise this thread existed when I came across the typo, so I didn't make a good mental note of it.

This was either day 4 or 5, posssibly Arcueid route. Shiki was fighting Nrvnqsr, and in one of Nrvnqsr lines the word "that" or "this" was said twice, one after the other.
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Unread postby Ryuusoul » November 8th, 2006, 3:55 pm

Henduluin wrote:Second day, Akiha route (I think it's akiha anyway), after getting dragged outside the school by Arihiko:

Just making sure this isn't a typo, as it does say Arihiko isn't speaking in proper Japanese:

http://members.home.nl/unmei.no.chibi/Arihiko.jpg

"Don't worry. Pay be back in double in the future"
Shouldn't "be" be "me"?


Fixed.


Sprint wrote:After taking Arc to her room at the start of Day 4;

"Investigators believe the cause of Takada Youichi's motorcycle accident was a malfunction in the break pedal which occurred while he was descending a steep hill."

Should be 'brake'


Fixed.

White wrote:Sorry I can't be more descriptive here, but it's my first time playing through and I didn't realise this thread existed when I came across the typo, so I didn't make a good mental note of it.

This was either day 4 or 5, posssibly Arcueid route. Shiki was fighting Nrvnqsr, and in one of Nrvnqsr lines the word "that" or "this" was said twice, one after the other.


Fixed.
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Unread postby Sprint » November 8th, 2006, 9:29 pm

Just spotted another one:

Akiha dream;
"Your have anemia."
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Unread postby TheYummyKenshin » November 8th, 2006, 10:11 pm

http://img465.imageshack.us/my.php?image=typopm8.jpg

Ciel's route, The day after the fight with Nero, right after the lunch with Arihiko and Ciel.
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Unread postby Danj » November 8th, 2006, 10:32 pm

Not sure about the position in the game, I think it's maybe Chapter 8 or so? but anyway:

...... Certainly it's been just the two of us many times before.
But, those where emergency situations, and it was more like a pact of
cooperation than anything between a man and a woman.


"where" should be "were".
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Unread postby md » November 8th, 2006, 11:03 pm

TheYummyKenshin wrote:http://img465.imageshack.us/my.php?image=typopm8.jpg

Ciel's route, The day after the fight with Nero, right after the lunch with Arihiko and Ciel.


Intentional.
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I should probably just do these myself

Unread postby md » November 9th, 2006, 6:21 am

tsukihime-s0045.txt:"---Ah! You wear glasses, Shiki-sama. Akiha-sama didn't said anything about that at all, so I was quite surprised when I saw you at the door."

tsukihime-s0045.txt: Kohaku-san says to herself while sitting next to me, sounding like she wasn't the slighted bit concerned.

tsukihime-s0047a.txt: With a loud flapping of its wings, the blue crow lands onto the man's shoulder.

But Ryuu is chief!
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Unread postby Danj » November 9th, 2006, 8:42 am

"I'm talking about when you grabbed my hand earlier. We've come into
contact before, but there was always a reason. But just now, there
wasn't a reason, so I was wondering just what it was."
"What is was?--There really wasn't a reason or anything."


"is" should be "it".

"Is that so...... I think some people say theory makes up for a lack of
experience."
"That's something only those who know theories say. ...... I used to think
that way until just recently."


From the context it seems like it should be "those who only know theories".

"A vampire?--what's with that all of a sudden, Shiki?"
"It's not all of a sudden. I was just thinking."
I look away.
"Huh? I can't tell if your really stubborn or not. I don't really mind,
but that's pretty insulting.


"your" should be "you're".
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Unread postby Ryuusoul » November 9th, 2006, 9:31 am

Sprint wrote:Just spotted another one:

Akiha dream;
"Your have anemia."


Fixed.


Danj wrote:Not sure about the position in the game, I think it's maybe Chapter 8 or so? but anyway:

...... Certainly it's been just the two of us many times before.
But, those where emergency situations, and it was more like a pact of
cooperation than anything between a man and a woman.


"where" should be "were".


Fixed.

md wrote:tsukihime-s0045.txt:"---Ah! You wear glasses, Shiki-sama. Akiha-sama didn't said anything about that at all, so I was quite surprised when I saw you at the door."

tsukihime-s0045.txt: Kohaku-san says to herself while sitting next to me, sounding like she wasn't the slighted bit concerned.

tsukihime-s0047a.txt: With a loud flapping of its wings, the blue crow lands onto the man's shoulder.

But Ryuu is chief!


Fixed.

Ryuu=chief is intentional.

Danj wrote:
"I'm talking about when you grabbed my hand earlier. We've come into
contact before, but there was always a reason. But just now, there
wasn't a reason, so I was wondering just what it was."
"What is was?--There really wasn't a reason or anything."


"is" should be "it".


Fixed.

Danj wrote:
"Is that so...... I think some people say theory makes up for a lack of
experience."
"That's something only those who know theories say. ...... I used to think
that way until just recently."


From the context it seems like it should be "those who only know theories".


Fixed.

Danj wrote:
"A vampire?--what's with that all of a sudden, Shiki?"
"It's not all of a sudden. I was just thinking."
I look away.
"Huh? I can't tell if your really stubborn or not. I don't really mind,
but that's pretty insulting.


"your" should be "you're".


Was already fixed.
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Unread postby Hyperbeast » November 9th, 2006, 1:25 pm

Found this one on Akiha's route, after being attacked by Yumizuka on day two, when returning home Akiha sees him and notices his cut and takes him to the sitting room to treat him, and...
http://img165.imagevenue.com/img.php?im ... _346lo.JPG

It says "first aid kid".

Version 1.0 evidently. Man.. You guys really do want to make this thing perfect, don't you? =P
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Unread postby White » November 9th, 2006, 1:29 pm

There are some quotation mark errors here, i'm not sure if they're at the end of pages or not.

Day 8 Arcueid route

After sneaking out (leads to bad ending)

"...I can't believe it, how could you forget something so important?"
"...Uh.
I couldn't help it, i've been though stranger things today."

Should be through.


"Idiot, that's not it at all. ...Fighting him was just a turn of events. Just a turn of events. I don't plan on fighting The Dead or vampires without you.

Needs closing quotation mark.



Day 9, following on in the bad ending

"You sure aren't lucky. If it was like this, I didn't have to wait for you in front of the mansion."

Not sure how to fix this while being consistent with the storyline.



Day 9, spending the day with Arcueid in the park.


"We'll kill time here a little bit, i'm going to get something to drink, you have any requests?"
I let go her hand and turn towards her.

Technically this is correct, but often there's an "of" in there.


"U...umm, is water okay?"
"Sure. Go ahead and sit on that bench...if some guy starts to talk to you, just don't listen to him.

No closing quotation mark.



In the restaurant:

"Shiki, there is a natural enemy of the vampires. A group of something like professional killers that now have the power balance in their favour. ...It's true for other transcendent species, but especially for vampires. It is fatal for to reveal themselves."

Needs a "them".


"The one who helped you wsa a member of an elite organisation that hunts heretics.
"This group, the burial agency...

The second opening quotation mark should not be there.


In the park, 7:30pm?:

"...I'll do that. Once i'm rested up, we'll go to the city again, Arcueid."
"Sheesh. I'm happy you're motivated, but it's still to early."

Should be too.


After Arcueid has run away, shiki checks her apartment:

It doesn't seem like anyone's coming out.
"Shit, she hasn't came back."

Should be "come"
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Unread postby Sprint » November 9th, 2006, 6:18 pm

A bit of Engrish after making Hisui cook in her route;
"And on the stove is a flying pan letting out black smoke."
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Unread postby Sprint » November 9th, 2006, 9:26 pm

...and outside after Hisui's... erm... energy transfer? :roll:
"I ...... I heard that you were the only that survived in the Nanaya family..."
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Unread postby Quickdart » November 9th, 2006, 10:26 pm

These are mostly minor grammar errors, or using odd words in places. I got the locations using the flowchart.pdf

s347 - after running to school with Akiha
"Her breath bouncing, Akiha dissapears inside"
- breath doesn't bounce. I think it'd either be "her breasts bouncing", or "still breathing heavily"


s236 - after waking up when seeing Yumizuka
"Please remain strong. I shall bring you something do drink."
- "Please remain strong" is a bit of an odd phrase to use when somebody is suffering. "Please bear with it a moment" would probably be more of a natural English phrase.

s323 - after the party, Hisui's rout
"...I became good friends with Hisui? That's what I'd like to know."
- These two sentences don't really make sense together in this context. The second one should probably be something like "That's news to me" or "How did that happen?"

I don't remember exactly where these ones were. Sorry....

"But I remember feeling uneasy, looking at my fathers inorganic eyes as he said these words."
- "inorganic" is a really odd word to use. Maybe "dead" eyes or "uncaring" eyes

"The boy took me, even though I was restricted by my families creed, around to play like it was completely normal."
- This sentence should probably be re-ordered. "Despite the restrictions placed on me by my families creed, The boy took me around to play like it was completely normal." for example
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Unread postby md » November 9th, 2006, 11:31 pm

md wrote:tsukihime-s0045.txt:"---Ah! You wear glasses, Shiki-sama. Akiha-sama didn't said anything about that at all, so I was quite surprised when I saw you at the door."

tsukihime-s0045.txt: Kohaku-san says to herself while sitting next to me, sounding like she wasn't the slighted bit concerned.

tsukihime-s0047a.txt: With a loud flapping of its wings, the blue crow lands onto the man's shoulder.

But Ryuu is chief!


47: lands onto is unexpected. "Lands on" would be expected, "lands itself onto" would be the expected form of onto but I think it'd be more awkward. That's my case, anyway. It sounded awkward to my California accent.
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Unread postby Ryuusoul » November 10th, 2006, 12:45 am

Hyperbeast wrote:Found this one on Akiha's route, after being attacked by Yumizuka on day two, when returning home Akiha sees him and notices his cut and takes him to the sitting room to treat him, and...
http://img165.imagevenue.com/img.php?im ... _346lo.JPG

It says "first aid kid".

Version 1.0 evidently. Man.. You guys really do want to make this thing perfect, don't you? =P


Fixed. It now reads, "First aid age-challenged individual."

White wrote:There are some quotation mark errors here, i'm not sure if they're at the end of pages or not.

Day 8 Arcueid route

After sneaking out (leads to bad ending)

"...I can't believe it, how could you forget something so important?"
"...Uh.
I couldn't help it, i've been though stranger things today."

Should be through.


"Idiot, that's not it at all. ...Fighting him was just a turn of events. Just a turn of events. I don't plan on fighting The Dead or vampires without you.

Needs closing quotation mark.



Day 9, following on in the bad ending

"You sure aren't lucky. If it was like this, I didn't have to wait for you in front of the mansion."

Not sure how to fix this while being consistent with the storyline.



Day 9, spending the day with Arcueid in the park.


"We'll kill time here a little bit, i'm going to get something to drink, you have any requests?"
I let go her hand and turn towards her.

Technically this is correct, but often there's an "of" in there.


"U...umm, is water okay?"
"Sure. Go ahead and sit on that bench...if some guy starts to talk to you, just don't listen to him.

No closing quotation mark.



In the restaurant:

"Shiki, there is a natural enemy of the vampires. A group of something like professional killers that now have the power balance in their favour. ...It's true for other transcendent species, but especially for vampires. It is fatal for to reveal themselves."

Needs a "them".


"The one who helped you wsa a member of an elite organisation that hunts heretics.
"This group, the burial agency...

The second opening quotation mark should not be there.


In the park, 7:30pm?:

"...I'll do that. Once i'm rested up, we'll go to the city again, Arcueid."
"Sheesh. I'm happy you're motivated, but it's still to early."

Should be too.


After Arcueid has run away, shiki checks her apartment:

It doesn't seem like anyone's coming out.
"Shit, she hasn't came back."

Should be "come"


Everything else (I think) fixed.
Hasn't came back -> already fixed.

Sprint wrote:A bit of Engrish after making Hisui cook in her route;
"And on the stove is a flying pan letting out black smoke."


Fixed. Anata o, tobimasu.

Sprint wrote:...and outside after Hisui's... erm... energy transfer? :roll:
"I ...... I heard that you were the only that survived in the Nanaya family..."


Quickdart wrote:These are mostly minor grammar errors, or using odd words in places. I got the locations using the flowchart.pdf

s347 - after running to school with Akiha
"Her breath bouncing, Akiha dissapears inside"
- breath doesn't bounce. I think it'd either be "her breasts bouncing", or "still breathing heavily"


s236 - after waking up when seeing Yumizuka
"Please remain strong. I shall bring you something do drink."
- "Please remain strong" is a bit of an odd phrase to use when somebody is suffering. "Please bear with it a moment" would probably be more of a natural English phrase.

s323 - after the party, Hisui's rout
"...I became good friends with Hisui? That's what I'd like to know."
- These two sentences don't really make sense together in this context. The second one should probably be something like "That's news to me" or "How did that happen?"

I don't remember exactly where these ones were. Sorry....

"But I remember feeling uneasy, looking at my fathers inorganic eyes as he said these words."
- "inorganic" is a really odd word to use. Maybe "dead" eyes or "uncaring" eyes

"The boy took me, even though I was restricted by my families creed, around to play like it was completely normal."
- This sentence should probably be re-ordered. "Despite the restrictions placed on me by my families creed, The boy took me around to play like it was completely normal." for example


Even though I agree with most of these changes, I'm really going to ask you all to indulge me and not report too much on word choice or writing style... Yes, there are a few places where the best wording wasn't chosen... but I don't want to open up that whole can of worms and decide over each and every case. Also keep in mind that Nasu's grammar and style is known for being odd in Japanese...
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Unread postby bored_tenshi » November 10th, 2006, 1:45 am

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b333/annyui/error.jpg

should be some sort of verb between "i will" and "to the church" (go, talk, etc)

v1.0 - ciel route: should be close to her good end
why is my mind so unbelievably perverted lately?
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Unread postby marus » November 10th, 2006, 8:54 am

Marus' typo reports, part 3! Sponsored by Tsukihime_English_v1.0

Day 7, Arcueid Route, in the hallway after Hisui wakes up Shiki

"Don't worry about, just forget it. More importantly, I'm kinda hungry. Is breakfast ready?"

Should be 'about it', or reword the sentence to something like 'Don't worry, just forget about it.'

Day 7, Arcueid Route, in the courtyard

"I'm an older brother stupid for his little sister.
Yeah, I really am.
"----Well then."

Need quotation marks after 'sister'.

Day 8, Arcueid route, after the movie theater

"Man, hearing about it and seeing it were two entirely different things. Even though I knew some background information about what a movie theater was, my imagination fell short of reality.
..... Arcueid gives a happy, heart-felt smile.

Need quotation marks after 'reality'.

Day 8, Arcueid route, in the restaurant

This exorcist may have even came here just to seal me rather than fight the vampire who lives in this city."

You like the word 'came' a lot, don't you?

"..... What is this? Then you're all by yourself?
"Yes, that is the life of a vampire.

Need quotation marks after 'yourself'.

Day 8, Arcueid route, looking for Arcueid in the shopping district
Arcueid can't find them, but I can tell The Dead if I take off my glasses.

Judging from the context, I think something like 'identify' or 'see' would make more sense. Or something like 'but I can tell The Dead from humans', if you really like the word tell.
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Unread postby Henduluin » November 10th, 2006, 10:44 am

Third day, Hisui route:

Went to school after not finding Satsuki the night before.

http://members.home.nl/unmei.no.chibi/Arihiko2.jpg

"Miss Yumizuka was took in"
Should be "was taken in".
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Unread postby White » November 10th, 2006, 8:19 pm

I don't mean to push this further, but are you sure the came error was already fixed? It is different to the other come/came errors in the topic as far as I can see, so i'd just like to be sure there has been no mix up.

Anyway, here are some more.


All Arcueid route

Day 10 "Cream"

Seeing that smile assures me that this is my world.
"..."
"Man, what is it Tohno? Making such an difficult expression."

Should be "a".


Chapter 11 Day 10, with SHIKI at school

"Gah---?"
He flies.
Suddenly, SHIKI flies back as if he was struck by an car.

Should be "a" car.


Epilogue

She's right in front of me; she's not an illusion.
But, I feel like there is an distance which can never be spanned between us.
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