Tsukihime, Plus+Disc and AIE Bug Reports

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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 9th, 2009, 10:32 am

Some more things to look at:

Day 3. At the hotel, when Arcueid lectures Shiki about the type of vampires.
Image

Original: Those who were vampires from the start, and those who become vampires.
Proposed: Those who were vampires from the start, and those who became vampires.

Image
Original: They've attained immortality ...
Proposed: They attained immortality ...

Original: Either way, the ones that become vampires become immortal, ...
Proposed: Either way, the ones that became vampires became immortal, ...

Image
Original: The Dead Apostles - the ones that become vampires have imperfect immortality.
Proposed: The Dead Apostles - the ones that became vampires have imperfect immortality.

Shiki looks at the lines on Arcueid under the moon light.
Image
Original: I lose sight of them of them altogether.
Proposed: I lose sight of them altogether.

Shiki leaves the room after hearing some noise outside.
Image
Original: shaking off Arcueid's look that she wants to say something.
Proposed: shaking off Arcueid's look which seems to want to say something. (Or something of the like)

Shiki encounters Nero's animals on the floor below.
Image
Original: It don't even take two seconds to ...
Proposed: It doesn't even take two seconds to ...


Moving on to day 4. Shiki is beaten down by Nero's animals and becomes resolute to kill him.
Image
Original: Escape is absolutely impossible.
Proposed: Escaping is absolutely impossible.

The attack of the crow after defeating Chaos.
Image
Original: I try and stand up to escape.
Proposed: I try to stand up and escape.

That's all for now. And thank you for your hard work.

Edit: Removed two html tags that slipped in.
Last edited by iceslide on July 9th, 2009, 7:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby Message » July 9th, 2009, 1:57 pm

Thanks for the reports, the appropriate bugs will be fixed for the next release.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 9th, 2009, 7:36 pm

Message: Wandering through the forum I saw at the FSN typo report thread not to use screenshots. Unless said otherwise I guess I should refrain from doing so here.

Back to topic, this is a tandem of doubts more than corrections.

Day 5.
* Morning at the Tohno mansion.

Context: She said medicine, but it's really just some vitamins... I had a bad dream last night. I should settle down in a bit so I'll eat at school.
Original: I didn't say this to Kohaku-san, but to Akiha's eyes telling me she wants to say something.

Is he saying it to Akiha's eyes? Or is he saying it to Akiha and describing her eyes, and the sentence is a bit messed up?

* We get to school, under Ciel's route.
* Option 1: ...No, that had to have been someone else.

Original: N, nothing.
Proposed: N-Nothing.
Ok, in the ero dream with Ciel I've seen both styles. Might be a good idea to unify the style?


* We get to school, under Ciel's route.
* Option 2: Ask about last night.

Shiki: Last night, were you in the park? I thought I saw you wearing something like a black coat, with your skirt flowing in the wind.
...
Ciel: Um, I don't quite understand, but you're saying that I was near your house two nights ago, looking like that?
...
Shiki: --Senpai is really angry.
...
Shiki: Ah--No, that's not it, but I just... saw someone that look like you in the park last night, so--

Shiki asks about last night, Ciel responds about two nights ago, and Shiki keeps on about last night. I don't get it.

* After that, the school bell rings.

Original: The ten minute bell rings.
Proposed: The ten minutes bell rings.
I'd say it is plural but, then again, I' don't know if it's a saying or what.

Thanks four your patience :)

Edit: Removed and later restored one entry.
Edit 2: Changed my mind with the crossed out text.
Last edited by iceslide on August 6th, 2009, 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby Message » July 10th, 2009, 5:20 am

Thanks, those aren't too easily spotted. I'll leave the decisions up to Ryuusoul, but it looks to me like most of those reports are justified. Please feel free to keep the coming.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 13th, 2009, 10:07 am

Day 6, Ciel's route.

*- Before school begins, we see Ciel-senpai.
"She's down at the first year hallway again---what is she doing?"
We are presented with three options.
If we choose: 2. No, it probably doesn't concern me so I'll just watch from here.
"It sounds weird for a third-year student to drop something in the second-year hallway, but this is the ever roaming Senpai we're talking about."

One of the hallways is incorrect. I think Shiki's class was at the second year hallway.
Also, we see two styles: first year and second-year.

*- At lunch break.
"... Well, I'm happy you're treaing me, but Senpai was angry at me?"
"N? ... well, after she asked...."
Proposed: Uh? or similar.

*- Eat lunch at the tea ceremony room.
Original: I'm not sure what to do,
Proposed: I'm not sure what to do.

*- Back from school, at the mansion.
"Hisui-chan does not mind blands that much. She may look sensitive, but Hisui-chan is--"
"Nee-san."
Original: "-- sensitive like she looks. See, there isn't anything she can't do like cleaning or cleaning or sewing, Shiki-san."
Proposed: "-- as sensitive as she looks. See, there isn't anything she can't do, like cleaning or cleaning or sewing, Shiki-san."
Though it seems a bit cruel to Hisui-chan.

"This morning they found another victim in the shopping district.
Original: That's the eleventh victim you know, the eleventh victim."
Proposed: That's the eleventh victim, you know. The eleventh victim.
Proposed: That's the eleventh victim we know, the eleventh victim.


*- The park at night. Shiki interrupts Arcueid and Ciel fighting.
Original: That person who saved me two days ago when I was nearly killed by Nrvnqsr's crows.
Proposed: That person who saved me two days ago when I was nearly killed by Nrvnqsr's crow.
At least, in Ciel's route it was only one crow.


This is all for now.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 18th, 2009, 6:37 pm

Day 7 Ciel's route.

*- At school. Shiki and Ciel skip homeroom to talk.

Original: It is part of Buddhist doctrine, so I would think a Japanese would be quite familiar with it.
Proposed: It is part of the Buddhist doctrine, so I would think a Japanese would be quite familiar with it.

Original: However, it seems that Senpai also has some grudge against the "enemy" like Arcueid does.
Proposed: However, it seems that Senpai also has some grudge against the 'enemy' like Arcueid does.
It has been always mentioned with ' before.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 23rd, 2009, 4:01 pm

I bit more to nail this.

Day 9, Ciel's route.

*- At school. Before first class.

Original: Just like always, he completely does not remember Senpai.
Proposed: Just like always, except he completely does not remember Senpai.
Proposed: Just like always, except he completely forgot about Senpai.


*- Shiki meets Ciel at the cafeteria.
We choose option 2. ...... No, it does matter.
After school, he goes to the tea ceremony club.
Roa's loooong speech.

Original: Akiha and you, and I would play in the garden together.
Proposed: Akiha, you and I would play in the garden together.


Of course I loved Akiha too. But I couldn't allow her to grow more attached to you.
Original: ...w, wait.
Proposed: ...W, wait.


Original: Or did my will force my eyes to open.
Proposed: Or did my will force open my eyes.
Proposed: Or did my will force make my eyes to open.


Original: I finally grasp what it was this bastard was sitting on while he gave his long speech.
Proposed: I finally grasp what this bastard was sitting on while he gave his long speech.


Original: But---the amazing thing about this woman is . Even if she dies completely, ...
Proposed: But---the amazing thing about this woman is, even if she dies completely, ...


Original: Roa's amused voice lifts in delight, and at the same time.
With
a sickening sound, ...
Proposed: Roa's amused voice lifts in delight, and at the same time,
with
a sickening sound, ...
a black sword springs out from Senpai'sforehead----


Original: Full of amusement,
Roa loses himself in amusement.
Proposed: Roa loses himself in amusement.

At your own discretion.


Original: In the darkness,
My knife crosses against his claws.
Proposesd: In the darkness,
my knife crosses against his claws.


Original:
"--To live forever.
That was the miracle that Roa dreamed about.
I decided that an everlasting cycle of rebirth is eternity.
But that is no different than a continuation of a single bloodline.

If there is such a thing as a power that Roa, who accepted death, can
earn at the end of his reincarnation--instead of the power that steals
the lives of others like vampires.


... I just thought the power you have, the power to see death, was an appropiate end for me."

The sentence in bold seems unfinished or incomplete.


As a child, I had this urge to eat human flesh.
Even thought that has changed to drinking blood,
Original: if Roa hadn't entered my body, I would've certainly become a human eating monster.
Proposed: if Roa hadn't entered my body, I would've certainly become a monster eating human.
Proposed: if Roa hadn't entered my body, I would've certainly become a human-eating monster.


*- Roa defeated.
Seeing the 'death' of something close to you... like humans shouldn't
be a problem, but seeing the 'death' of things that don't naturally
have a 'death' is extremely dangerous.
Original: ... Yeah, that's okay though Senpai.
Proposed: ... Yeah, that's okay though, Senpai.


*. Leaving the school after the fight.
Original: And, and please don't take off your glasses too much.
Proposed: And, And please don't take off your glasses too much.
To keep the style seen throughout the story.


There's not much more remaining. Let's hope I don't have to report anything more :)

Edit: added a new proposal mentioned below, as i like it more. Also, I changed my mind with the crossed out text.
Last edited by iceslide on August 6th, 2009, 6:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby Quibi » July 24th, 2009, 4:20 pm

I think you misunderstood some of your corrections:

Original: Or did my will [noun] force [verb] my eyes to open. -> grammatically correct.

Original: if Roa hadn't entered my body, I would've certainly become a [human-eating] monster. -> in brackets, this noun is a compound. I suggest adding a dash (as I did) so people won't confuse.

Original: And, and please don't take off your glasses too much. -> I suggest leave it as is. It usually capital only when part of the word is missing. Here, though, the word is said in whole (no stammering), and the pause is one of thinking... Or something of the like. Anyway I think it's good the way it is.

Edit: Sorry Message :S
Last edited by Quibi on July 25th, 2009, 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby Message » July 24th, 2009, 7:47 pm

Quibi wrote:I think you misunderstood some of your corrections:


Quibi, may I remind you that the first post in this thread clearly states...
first post wrote:Do NOT discuss other people's reports, nor our decision on whether or not to fix something.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » July 30th, 2009, 3:53 pm

Still thanks Quibi for pointing that out. I always reread those kind of sentences which can lead to doubts. I usually end up discarding the typo but these just slipped in.
About the And/and & company I retract what I said regarding the style. Including the N, no/N-No thing.

Said that, prepare yourself for a long post.

Day 10, Ciel's route.

*- Shiki attacks a woman in the back alley.
Dragging,
Original: With one hand gripping the woman's hair, I continue to walk.
Proposed: with one hand gripping the woman's hair, I continue to walk.

"Ha-------"
What,
Original: What am I doing?
Proposed: what am I doing?

Day 11.

*- Kohaku-san brings dinner to Shiki.
Original: You haven't had anything since this morning, so you'll collapse you know.
Proposed: You haven't had anything since this morning, so you'll collapse , you know.

*- We let Kohaku-san in. H-scene.
Original: Moving her body makes her inner muscles contract.
Proposed: Moving her body makes her inner muscles to contract.


*- Fighting with Ciel in the school.
I imagine that bayonet piercing me right in the face.
That's more repulsive than frightening.
Original: Death is.
Proposed: Death is,
No matter how it happens, something useless, dirty, and disgusting.

*- Ciel follows Shiki inside the school.
But, in place of that,
Original: Now, Senpai probably knows where I am because of my scream.
Proposed: now, Senpai probably knows where I am because of my scream.

My breathing isout of control.
Original: What. am I. Trying. To do?
Proposed: What, am I, trying. to do?

"H----how,"
Original: Foolish, she says.
Proposed: "H----how, foolish", she says.
And she slightly moves her bayonet.

*- Ciel crying while bracing Shiki.
Original: I, without delay, I have to die.
Proposed: I, without delay, have to die.

... It was so fun.
Even thought I knew it was all a lie and I'm just playing out the life
where I'm having fun, I thought it was fine the way it was---it was so
much fun, I didn't want it to end even if I knew it was all a lie.

It feels redundant.

Original: Not matter what I say, Senpai does not answer.
Proposed: No matter what I say, Senpai does not answer.
This might be correct but...

*- Ciel's H-scene.
And,
Original: The red tongue licking at me as if it had a mind of its own.
Proposed: the red tongue licking at me as if it had a mind of its own.

The feeling of it,
Original: Of merging, is unbelievably good.
Proposed: of merging, is unbelievably good.


Day 12.

*- Ciel's True Ending. Shiki's dream.
Original: The goal of attaining eternity has been degraded to a means to an end.
I just doesn't feel this right.

Original: How ugly is this.
Proposed: How ugly this is.
I'm just being picky here.

*- Fighting Arcueid in the park.
Original: *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*
Proposed: *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*, *pant*.
... The vermillion blood continues to flow.


*- Dream after killing the Roa in Shiki's body?
Original: I thought I saw a illusion of it disappearing page by page into the darkness.
Proposed: I thought I saw an illusion of it disappearing page by page into the darkness.


*- True Ending, Shiki's happy life dream.
Original: "...What do you mean? Together, with who?".
Original: "With who!? Of course you and---".
Proposed: "...What do you mean? Together, with whom?".
Proposed: "With whom!? Of course you and---".
Picky again. Not sure if whom is more appropriate though.

---That, was just too happy.
Original: and I knew this was a dream.
Proposed: And I knew this was a dream.

Original: , then no matter how terrible I become or how pitiful I become,
Proposed: , then no matter how terrible I become or how pitiful I become.
Maybe I should have stayed beside her.


*- Ciel's Good Ending.
Original: I don't want to admit, but I'm attracted to you.
Proposed: I don't want to admit it, but I'm attracted to you.

Original: If I could, I want to throw it in a trash can right now.
Proposed: If I could, I'd want to throw it in a trash can right now.
Proposed: If I could, I'd throw it in a trash can right now.

---And,
Original: Hold on a second.
Proposed: hold on a second.
Since it isn't in quotes, is not part of a dialog.

Original: Once I'm done, I'll spend a whole day with you so can you leave for now?
Proposed: Once I'm done, I'll spend a whole day with you so, can you leave for now?

Original: Don't pretend like you didn't notice.
Proposed: Don't pretend you didn't notice.
I'm not sure here.

And finally the end.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 3rd, 2009, 3:26 pm

Here again, bugging with another route.

Day 1, Akiha's route.

*- Shiki bumps into Ciel when he's running to the office. Sth about the papers of him moving.
Original: but there's nothing I can do about the fact that I forgot
Proposed: but there's nothing I can do about the fact that I forgot.
The final dot is missing.

*- Lunch break, talking with Satsuki in the hallway. She knows about Shiki and the Arimas.
Original: Yumizuka-san, you seem to know quite a bit? Are you a student of it?
Proposed: Yumizuka-san, you seem to know quite a bit. Are you a student of it?
I don't feel the ? to be correct, though it may be in the original.

*- Walking the way to the mansion with Satsuki.
Original: I'll be living at the place on top of the hill at the end of that residential district.
Proposed: I'll be living at the place on top of the hill, at the end of that residential district.
Feels like it needs a comma.


Day 2.

*- Business district at night, following Satsuki.
Original: I stop, catching my breath,
Proposed: I stop, catching my breath.
My chest heaves deeply.


Day 3.

*- At school. Option 2: Search around school.
Original: Two days ago,
Proposed: Two days ago.
In option 1: Search for Yumizuka is:
Two days ago.
I'm mad at myself for promising such a thing in the first place.


*- At night in his room. Option 2: I can't do something that dangerous.
Original: ... No matter how much I think about it nothing will get done.
Proposed: ... No matter how much I think about it, nothing will get done.


*- Meeting Yumizuka in the park.
Those ancient days.
Original: ... like she is remembering something that happened a long time ago.
Proposed: ... Like she is remembering something that happened a long time ago.

Two nights ago, I went out to check the rumor that you were walking
around in the shopping district every night,
Original: and then when I came to I was lying down in that back alley.
Proposed: and then when I came to, I was lying down in that back alley.

Original: after my body has changed completely, I understood a lot of things.
Proposed: after my body had changed completely, I understood a lot of things.

Original: Are you saying you can't laugh and walk and talk normally again like before?
Proposed: Are you saying you can't laugh, and walk, and talk normally again like before?

*- In the back alley. Option 1: I Like her.
Original: I confess.
Original: From my sin, and I escape to Akiha.
Proposed: I confess from my sin, and (I) escape to Akiha.


Day 4.

*- Morning at the mansion.
Original: Since Akiha's actually home for a change, ...
Proposed: Since Akiha's actually at home for a change, ...
Proposed: Since Akiha's actually at home, for a change, ...


Day 5.

*- Just woke up.
Original: I don't know how to do that but there's no doubt Hisui's smile would be very cute.
Proposed: I don't know how to do that, but there's no doubt Hisui's smile would be very cute.

Original: Hey, Hisui's smile would look just like Kohaku-san.
Proposed: Hey, Hisui's smile would look just like Kohaku-san's.
Unless he means "a smiling Hisui would look just like Kohaku-san."

*- Breakfast.
Original: Well then, please eat breakfast Shiki-san.
Proposed: Well then, please eat breakfast, Shiki-san.

Original: I give her a quick bow of the head and go to the dining room.
Proposed: I give her a quick bow and go to the dining room.
Proposed: I give her a quick head bow and go to the dining room.

*- Lessons' break. Shiki & Ciel chatting.
Original: Why is she transfering from the distinguished Asagami Women's Academy to go here?
Proposed: Why is she transfering from the distinguished Asagami Women's Academy to come here?

*- Lunch outside.
Original: But I can go to school wherever I choose; I do not need to explain myself to you.
Proposed: But I can go to whichever school I choose; I do not need to explain myself to you.

Original: Wha? Divergent Identity...?
Proposed: What? Divergent Identity...?

Original: Before the accident, I always felt father was a tender man, ...
Akiha always refer him with F (Father), but since this is Shiki, and he has less respect for him, may be correct.

*- Option 1: Go home alone. We meet Ciel in the hallway.
Original: Yes, since I don't have anything I have to do, I was thinking of going shopping.
Proposed: Yes, since I don't have anything to do, I was thinking of going shopping.

Original: but both Senpai and Akiha tell me with their eyes to "Introduce me to this person".
Not sure that to is correct.

Original: It seems like this is going be a really tiresome job.
Proposed: It seems like this is going to be a really tiresome job.

*- Night. Option 2: Just go to sleep.
Original: ... no, I'll keep my promise with Akiha.
Proposed: ... No, I'll keep my promise with Akiha.


Day 6.

*- Going to school with Akiha.
Original: ---Then.
Original: As if remembering something, Akiha stops and turns.
Proposed: ---Then,
Proposed: as if remembering something, Akiha stops and turns.

*- Lunch break.
Original: I'm saying the sailor suit suits her so I don't want her in a blazer.
Proposed: I'm saying the sailor suit suits her, so I don't want her in a blazer.

*- Night. Trying to sleep.
Original: ---So.
Original: Tonight too, I shall relieve my thirst.
Proposed: ---So,
Proposed: tonight too, I shall relieve my thirst.
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 6th, 2009, 6:59 pm

Day 6, Akiha's route.

*- Reaching school with Akiha.
Original: ---Then.
Original: As if remembering something, Akiha stops and turns.
Proposed: ---Then,
Proposed: as if remembering something, Akiha stops and turns.

*- Lunch break.
Original: I'm saying the sailor suit suits her so I don't want her in a blazer.
Proposed: I'm saying the sailor suit suits her, so I don't want her in a blazer.

*- At night. Trying to sleep.
Original: ---So.
Original: Tonight too, I shall relieve my thirst.
Proposed: ---So,
Proposed: tonight too, I shall relieve my thirst.


Day 7.

*- Just woke up.
Original: No. Yesterday, I
Proposed: No. Yesterday, I...
What did I think when I saw Kohaku-san's neck?

Original: As Nee-san is indulgent of you, Shiki-sama, ...
Proposed: As Nee-san is indulgent to you, Shiki-sama, ...
(to be indulgent to or toward or with sb)

*- Lunch time at school.
Original: The first principle that it is better for one's own kind to prosper that for others' to.
Proposed: The first principle, that it is better for one's own kind to prosper that for others to.

*- Option 1: Talk to Ciel about last night.
Original: ... I say it frankly, as if it was a euphemism.
Proposed: ... I say it frankly, as if it was an euphemism.


Day 8.

*- Shiki dreams Akiha sucking on Kohaku in the detached building.
Original: and Akiha crouches so that she is burying her face in Kohaku's breast.
Proposed: and Akiha crouches burying her face in Kohaku's breast.
I feel like this need some rephrase. I just don't like how "so that she is" sounds here.

*- He goes there to check it out.
Original: The house is as silent as the grave.
Proposed: The house is as silent as a grave.

Original: It would be strange to change clothes after that, and what Akiha just said, there's nothing strange about it at all.
Proposed: It would be strange to change clothes after that. And what Akiha just said, there's nothing strange about it at all.

*- At night, looking at the moon with Akiha.
Akiha's hair that should be black,
Original: It looks crimson, like blood.
Proposed: it looks crimson, like blood.
Proposed: looks crimson, like blood.


Day 9.

*- Talking with Ciel at the school gates
*- She pulls Shiki behind the school building.
Original: For a moment.
Proposed: For a moment,
Senpai glances down with a terribly sad expression.

*- Nigth. Option2: No, I'll stay in the mansion.
*- Looking for the killer in the city
B... u... t
Original: Tonight, this town bores me.
Proposed: tonight, this town bores me.

*- Reaching the bad end, we attend Ciel-sensei's lesson.
Original: The hint corner for Tohno-kun, who has unluckily ended up in this unjust Dead End,
Proposed: The hint corner for Tohno-kun, who has unluckily ended up in this unjust Dead End.

*- Option 1: ... Go and determine my own fate.
Inside the school building.
There, there is...
Original: A strange man.
Proposed: a strange man.

*- Death...
Original: Is just that, and is so painful.
Proposed: is just that, and is so painful.

Dying like this is painful... I realized that already eight years ago,
Original: during my time with Yumizuka, and even this very moment.
Proposed: during my time with Yumizuka, and even at this very moment.

"---What's this? This isn't a big deal."
Original: Yeah, it really not a big deal.
Proposed: Yeah, it's really not a big deal.

*- Fighting Ciel.
*- Option 2: ... I can't do it.
Original: If I don't want that.
Proposed: If I don't want that,
I have to stab with this knife faster than Senpai--!


Day 10.

*- Morning, at the sitting room.
No, it's nothing major. You don't need to worry about it.
Original: ... Really. Well, then, that's good, but ...
Proposed: ... Really? Well, then, that's good, but ...
It fits better.

*- At school, before homeroom. (About Ciel)
Original: So, once she revealed her true character to me, there was no need for her to remain here.
Proposed: So, once she revealed her true identity to me, there was no need for her to remain here.
Not sure about this one.

I'm totally wrong here.

*- School ends. Shiki and Akiha wait for Ciel at his classroom.
Original: Come to think of it this is the first time I've been with Akiha ...
Proposed: Come to think of it, this is the first time I've been with Akiha ...

Original: So.
Original: Even if she's a vampire, I--
Proposed: So,
Proposed: even if she's a vampire, I--

Original: If I were to confirm that, there would be no need for me hold back.
Proposed: If I were to confirm that, there would be no need for me to hold back.

However, that's something that can be told at a glance if it's awake.
Original: Even you know that, don't you Nii-san?
Proposed: Even you know that, don't you, Nii-san?

*- Meeting SHIKI in Akiha's room.
Original: The man laughs as it was really funny.
Proposed: The man laughs as if it was really funny.

Original: Which was sealed shut. (By whom?)
Original: I can't look at it. (At what?)
The box of forgotten memories.
I wonder if those parenthesis are comments, like in programming, or part of he text.

---The way things were---?
Original: Yes, I return to being Tohno Shiki, and you return ---to the dead person you were!
Proposed: Yes, I return to being Tohno SHIKI, and you return ---to the dead person you were!

*- Fighting SHIKI.
Original: --But.
Original: If I didn't care to avoid mutual death, I could easily kill him.
Proposed: --But,
Proposed: if I didn't care to avoid mutual death, I could easily kill him.

Original: ... Akiha, don't make me sad. You are the only important person for me.
Proposed: ... Akiha, don't make me sad. You are the only important person to me.

*- At akiha's room.
Everyone in the Tohno family has different abilities.
Original: There's some who eat other people like SHIKI and there's people whose abnormality is only in their brain like Father.
Proposed: There's some who eat other people, like SHIKI, and there's people whose abnormality is only in their brain, like Father.

... SHIKI attacked you and took away your blood and life.
Original: SHIKI was punished by Father but he survived by taking your life
Proposed: SHIKI was punished by Father, but he survived by taking your life

Original: My body does not change like SHIKI, but when my blood gets excited, my hair turns back into it's original color.
Proposed: My body does not change, like SHIKI, but when my blood gets excited, my hair turns back into it's original color.
Proposed: My body does not change like SHIKI's, but when my blood gets excited, my hair turns back into it's original color.

Original: I-----understood what Akiha is saying, but at the same time, I don't want to accept it.
Proposed: I-----understand what Akiha is saying, but at the same time, I don't want to accept it.

Edit: Crossed out one.
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 10th, 2009, 4:29 pm

Day 11, Akiha's route.

*- Detached building.
Original: ... Eight years ago, SHIKI's Tohno blood awakened... and he killed me.
Proposed: ... Eight years ago, Tohno SHIKI's blood awakened... and he killed me.

Original: I wasn't your real brother, but I still acted like it, and I caused trouble for you.
Proposed: I wasn't your real brother, but I still acted like it, and I caused trouble to you.


*- Akiha's H-scene.
Original: Akiha continue to look down, covering her chest with both hands.
Proposed: Akiha continues to look down, covering her chest with both hands.

Original: Of course. I told you you're beautiful. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Proposed: Of course. I told you, you're beautiful. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Original: If she really wants this.
Original: There's now way I can hold myself back.
Proposed: If she really wants this,
Proposed: there's now way I can hold myself back.

Original: Or are you planning to skip out on my funeral, too, Niss-san?
Proposed: Or are you planning to skip out on my funeral too, Niss-san?

Original: With a weak moan, she lets go.
Original: And collapses onto the futon.
Proposed: With a weak moan, she lets go,
Proposed: and collapses onto the futon.


Day 12.

*- Beginning. Shiki has a dream that is not his own, but Akiha's.
Original: Those where the first words father told me.
Proposed: Those where the first words Father told me.

Original: But I remember feeling uneasy, looking at father's inorganic eyes as he said those words.
Proposed: But I remember feeling uneasy, looking at Father's inorganic eyes as he said those words.

Original: Having the Tohno means having the blood of nonhumans
Proposed: Having the Tohno means having the blood of non-humans

Original: My brother seems to know that the boy was different from us.
Proposed: My brother seemed to know that the boy was different from us.

Wishing that when I mature and become alone in this prison-like mansion,
Original: I would not be lonely and refrain from crying because I have these happy memories.
Proposed: I would not be lonely, and refrain from crying, because I have these happy memories.

Original: The boy wished for my safety even after he died and he tried to be a brother more than my real family.
Proposed: The boy wished for my safety even after he died, and he tried to be a brother more than my real family.

Original: I understood--I cried knowing that this person will never betray me.
Proposed: I understood--I cried knowing that this person would never betray me.

*- Shiki wakes up in Ciel's room.
I was stabbed by someone from behind.
Original: By who? I don't even have to think about it.
Proposed: By whom? I don't even have to think about it.

Original: Also, this is my room so you can relax.
Proposed: Also, this is my room, so you can relax.

Original: but Tohno SHIKI must have found a way to awaken the nonhuman blood in the Tohnos.
Proposed: but Tohno SHIKI must have found a way to awaken the non-human blood in the Tohnos.

Original: Her reason that lost to her instinct will go away and she will repeat senseless murders like Tohno SHIKI.
Proposed: Her reason, that lost to her instinct, will go away and she will repeat senseless murders like Tohno SHIKI.

Original: Thanks for everything and good bye, Senpai.
Proposed: Thanks for everything and goodbye, Senpai.

Original: --Yes, good bye, Tohno-kun.
Proposed: --Yes, goodbye, Tohno-kun.

*- Shiki gets out of the detached building to fight with more advantage.
When I notice,
Original: The dark forest is full of pierced trees, ...
Proposed: the dark forest is full of pierced trees, ...

*- Attending Ciel-sensei's lesson after reaching a bad end.
Original: The hint corner for Tohno-kun, who has ended up in this Dead End with only a bit left to go,
Proposed: The hint corner for Tohno-kun, who has ended up in this Dead End with only a bit left to go.

*- Back to fighting outside.
Original: At the same time.
Proposed: At the same time,
I jump to the side with all my power.

Original: The blood I wiped off with this arm cut through through me like an exploding firework.
Proposed: The blood I wiped off with this arm cut through me like an exploding firework.

Original: If I hadn't of wiped that blood off my chest, I would have grown swords out of my back and died instantly.
Proposed: If I hadn't wiped that blood off my chest, I would have grown swords out of my back and died instantly.

*- Back to the detached building.
Original: It's because his throat, the organ allowing him to talk, is crushed, and was torn away along with his head from his body.
Proposed: It's because his throat, the organ allowing him to talk, is crushed, and is torn away along with his head from his body.
Proposed: It's because his throat, the organ allowing him to talk, is crushed, and torn away along with his head from his body.

Original: So.
Original: To go after Akiha right now means...
Proposed: So,
Proposed: to go after Akiha right now means...

*- Option 2: I can't do it.
Staring now, probably until I die, I will...
Original: Live for Akiha and tie her to this world.
Proposed: live for Akiha and tie her to this world.

*- Option 1: Give Akiha back this life.
Original: There is no way for it to return it to black except for that one method.
Proposed: There is no way for it to return to black except for that one method.
There is no way to return it to black except for that one method.

*- Akiha's true ending.
Original: but he was basically a person with no desires for things.
Proposed: ut he was basically a person with no desire for things.

And with this, Akiha's route is completed!
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 18th, 2009, 6:06 pm

Here I am again, this time is the turn for Hisui-chan's route.

Day 1, Hisui's route.

*- In the way to the mansion.
*- Option 2: About the cheerful girl.
Original: Father has once said that they didn't have any relatives, so he took them to work as servants.
Proposed: Father had once said that they didn't have any relatives, so he took them to work as servants.


Day 2.

*- Morning.
Original: Eight years has passed since you departed this mansion.
Proposed: Eight years have passed since you departed this mansion.

Original: Eh---that's right, this isn't Arimas' house!
Proposed: Eh---that's right, this isn't the Arimas' house!


Day 3.

*- At school.
*- Option 2: Just sit silently.
Original: Time passed without my realizing it.
Proposed: Time passed without me realizing it.
Not sure about this one.


Day 4.

*- Celebrate the party.
*- Help Hisui.
Original: ? Lack of ability? Kohaku-san doesn't luck in ability;
Proposed: Lack of ability? Kohaku-san doesn't luck in ability;

*- Shiki's dream. If the party isn't celebrated it's SHIKI, if celebrated it's Shiki.
*- I think it should be Shiki in both, since the dream tells the same and is about the first days of adopted child.
Original: ---That is,
Original: that's an extremely old memory.
Proposed: ---That is.
Proposed: That's an extremely old memory.

Original: Everyone wants to like you, SHIKI-kun.
Original: Then, SHIKI-chan, you can believe in me.
Original: It's okay! SHIKI-chan, you can trust me and come out!
Original: Even if everyone hates you, I will still like you, SHIKI-chan.


Day 5.

*- Morning, after celebrating Shiki's welcome party.
Original: Trying to answer Hisui's direct gaze, and I try my utmost to explain.
Proposed: Trying to answer Hisui's direct gaze, I try my utmost to explain.

*- Sitting room.
Original: Nii-san, what are these, 'breakdown enzymes'?
Proposed: Nii-san, what are these 'breakdown enzymes'?

Original: The poison is processed by the liver by these enzymes that break down the alcohol into water.
Proposed: The poison is processed in the liver by these enzymes that break down the alcohol into water.

Shiki-sama, I have your bag ready.
Original: Please get ready to leave the mansion as you do not have much time left.
Proposed: Please get ready to leave the mansion, as you do not have much time left.


Day 6.

*- Morning.
Original: No, please rest. I will tell Akiha-sama so please rest.
Proposed: No, please rest. I will tell Akiha-sama, so please rest.

*- Sitting room.
Original: Wha... What do you mean, 'Akiha too?'
Proposed: Wha... What do you mean, 'Akiha too'?

*- Hisui seeing Shiki off.
*- After option 1: Talk with her about it.
Original: When we were talking earlier, about my old man. You were deathly quiet.
Proposed: When we were talking earlier, about my old man, you were deathly quiet.
Not just you, but Akiha as well.

*- Eating lunch in the cafeteria.
Original: But in reality, the same person as in my dream, in the same place as my dream, is killed in the same way as my dream.
Proposed: But in reality, the same person as in my dream, in the same place as (in) my dream, is killed in the same way as in my dream.

*- Back to the mansion.
*- Option 1: Go to my old man's room.
Original: The ancestors of the Tohno were a mixed bread of "something nonhuman" and human.
Original: We, being their descendants, also have this element of "something nonhuman" in our blood.
Original: There are those with strong and those wih weak nonhuman blood.
Original: Those with weak nonhuman blood can live their lives as ordinary people.
Original: The Tohno blood is mixed with the blood of something nonhuman.
Proposed: non-human.


Day 7.

*- In his way back to the mansion from school.
Original: But I don't want to become a burden on Akiha and the others while I'm sane.
Proposed: But I don't want to become a burden to Akiha and the others while I'm sane.

*- Option 1. Get Kohaku-san to make something..
Original: But from now on, I'll make you the same thing that I make Akiha-sama.
Proposed:But from now on, I'll make you the same thing that I make to Akiha-sama.
...
Original: ... But eating the same thing as Akiha, does she mean I'll be eating those dainty little shortcackes from now on...?
Proposed: ... By eating the same thing as Akiha, does she mean I'll be eating those dainty little shortcackes from now on...?
Not sure about these two.

*- Having tea after dinner.
Original: So, please leave your schedule open for the end of the year, Shiki-san.
Proposed: So please, leave your schedule open for the end of the year, Shiki-san.


Day 8.

*- Morning at the mansion.
Original: If Hisui tried to wake me up as usual--I think this sickness would have been a bit better.
Proposed: If Hisui had tried to wake me up as usual--I think this sickness would have been a bit better.

Original: ... More importantly, I'm kinda' hungry; is breakfast ready?
Proposed: ... More importantly, I'm kinda hungry; is breakfast ready?

Original: I arrive at the lobby.
Proposed: I arrive to the lobby.
Not sure, but I've seen "at" is used for arriving to a decision.

*- Shiki follows Kohaku to the clearing.
Original: I suppose Akiha was just a girl so she couldn't keep up with a boy.
Proposed: I suppose Akiha was just a girl, so she couldn't keep up with a boy.

*- He has a dream of the past.
Original: I can practically see the voices.
Proposed: I can practically hear the voices.

Original: I suddenly realize,
Original: in front of me is the crying face of Akiha, drenched in blood.
Proposed: I suddenly realize.
Proposed: In front of me is the crying face of Akiha, drenched in blood.

*- Back in his room, after he collapsed.
> Something about that response is not right.
> But what's not right, I can't seem to grasp right now.

> As I'm doing this right now.
> My body is sluggish, and it takes all my strength just to talk."
I don't see the meaning in the line in bold. I can't understand what he wants to express.

Original: ---I was unconscious for half a day, I haven't done that since that accident.
Proposed: ---I was unconscious for half a day. I haven't done that since that accident.

*- He goes to sleep and has a dream of the night the Nanaya were killed.
*- At the end of that dream.
Original: Tonight,
Proposed: Tonight,
The moon is so---beautiful----

Will be continued...
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime v1.2 Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 24th, 2009, 4:33 pm

And now...

Day 9, Hisui's route.

*- Morning.
Original: Maybe it's the aftereffects of yesterday, but I feel nauseous when I stand up.
Proposed: Maybe it's the after-effects of yesterday, but I feel nauseous when I stand up.

Original: I'm fine. If you let me up, I will be fine.
Proposed: I'm fine. If you lift me up, I will be fine.
As you wish--
Hisui immediately stoops down and reaches her hand to my shoulder.

Original: But still, your body is not fully recovered so I think you should take the day off.
Proposed: But still, your body is not fully recovered, so I think you should take the day off.

All of a shudden, as if making up her mind, Hisui says,
Original: "... Shiki-sama, you are not mad?"
Proposed: "... Shiki-sama, are you not mad?"
Hisui should be very formal.

*- After the visit of a doctor, and right after connecting with SHIKI in his sleep.
Original: Oh. Sorry, I was sleeping and didn't notice you come in.
Proposed: Oh. Sorry, I was sleeping and didn't notice you coming in.
Proposed: Oh. Sorry, I was sleeping and didn't notice you came in.
Though the original may be correct.


Day 10.

*- Morning.
Original: Eventually, she won and I went back to my room, but after that, she came into my room and lay a wet towel on me.
Proposed: Eventually, she won and I went back to my room, but after that, she came into my room and laid a wet towel on me.
Proposed: Eventually, she won and I went back to my room. But after that, she came into my room and laid a wet towel on me.

I really thought she would smother me to death.
Original: ".......,"
Proposed: "........"
There's a comma at the end.

, but maybe she wanted to act as a nurse or something . She really did seem to enjoy it.
Original: "...............,"
Proposed: "..............."
There's a comma at the end

Original: The smile that is so rarely seen on Hisui's face is, it makes me blush, and, well--
Proposed: The smile that is so rarely seen on Hisui's face, makes me blush, and, well--

Original: How do I put it, it's almost as if I'm not quite alive.
Proposed: How do I put it? It's almost as if I'm not quite alive.

*- His mind merging.
Original: There shouldn't be any point of connection between us
Proposed: There shouldn't be any point of connection between us.
Final dot is missing.

Original: Spinning spinning the world is spinning.
Proposed: Spinning, spinning, the world is spinning.

Original: Contradictory that appears from microscopic organisms.
Proposed: Contradiction that appears from microscopic organisms.

*- Back to "normal".
Once more.
Original: Once more, if that inexplicable headache returns. At this rate--my mind will surely break before my body does.
Proposed: If that inexplicable headache returns once more, at this rate--my mind will surely break before my body does.

*- At night, Akiha's visit.
Original: It feels like my rotten wall of my consciousness got rebuilt by just that.
Proposed: It feels like the rotten wall of my consciousness got rebuilt by just that.


Day 11.

*- Morning.
Original: She leans over to me to check my condition.
Proposed: She leans over me to check my condition.
Not sure about this one.

If she acts like that I'll just get more miserable,
Original: why can't she understand that, this woman--.
Proposed: why can't she understand that, this woman--
Final dot unnecessary.

...
.....
.........
Original: ......... And then,
Proposed: ......... And then.
--Shiki-sama, I...
Hisui's voice is no longer shaking.

Original: That way of talking. That expresionless, voice.
Proposed: That way of talking. That expresionless voice.
I know the commas have been used for difficult, hesitant voice. This doesn't fit in the context.

*- Afternoon.
Original: The headache that greets me when I awake is slightly less then usual.
Proposed: The headache that greets me when I awake is slightly less than usual.


Day 12.

*- Morning.
Original: Um, you don't have be so tense, Hisui.
Proposed: Um, you don't have to be so tense, Hisui.

Original: --This is, like.
Original: That feeling of being alive.
Proposed: --This is, like,
Proposed: that feeling of being alive.

Original: H,H, Hisui...!
Proposed: H, H, Hisui...!
Space after the comma.

Original: My sister has told me that this will dilute the effects of the drug and that you should let the drug dissolve slowly for its full effect.
Proposed: My sister has told me that this will dilute the effects of the drug, and that you should let the drug dissolve slowly for its full effect.
A comma.

Original: That's--maybe that is the truth, but.
Proposed: That's--maybe that is the truth, but...
...Hot.
Damn it, so hot---I can't sort out things calmly.

*- Skipping the H-scene for later.
*- After Hisui checks Shiki up, he falls asleep and wakes thirsty.
I gasp for air.
Original: Placing my hand on the wall and feeling like I'll collapse any second, I manage to drag myself out of my room.
Proposed: Placing my hand on the wall, and feeling like I'll collapse any second, I manage to drag myself out of my room.

Original: I haven't even walked thirty feet and already my heart feels like it will explode.
Proposed: I haven't even walked thirty feet and my heart already feels like it will explode.

*- After hearing Akiha & Kohaku in the detached building.
Original: Even my brain trying to understand doesn't work because of the fever.
I don't like this phrase the manner it is. Maybe a rephrase would be good?


Day 13.

*- Morning.
Original: ", ....., ....."
Proposed: "....., ....."
I get back my rhythm, and I can continue breathing.

*- Second & third series of knocks.
Original: ....Knock, Knock Knock, Knock.
Proposed: ....Knock, Knock Knock, Knock.
Double space after the first comma.

*- Remembering when he wouldn't leave his room in the detached building.
Original: SHIKI-chan, let's play.
Original: Everyone wants to like you, SHIKI-chan.
Proposed: Shiki-chan.

Original: But, you will just be yourself all the time.
Proposed: But, you will just be by yourself all the time.
Not sure about this one.

*- Evening.
Original: Why-why are you acting like back then...!
Proposed: Why-why are you acting like back then...!?
You promised that when you came back, you would play with everyone, so why...!

*- Opening the door to Hisui.
"... Wait, Hisui. What you're saying , I don't really---"
Original: Understand, is what I wanted to say.
Proposed: --Understand, is what I wanted to say.
Just a suggestion.

*- It becomes night.
Original: You do not have a split personality like Makihisa-sama nor are you a vampire that sucks human blood.
Proposed: You do not have a split personality like Makihisa-sama, nor you are a vampire that sucks human blood.

Original: Besides, it is your own will, so in now way do you have a split personality.
Proposed: Besides, it is your own will, so in now way you do have a split personality.
Proposed: Besides, it is your own will, so in now way you have a split personality.

I start to feel very uncomfortable.
Original: My heart beats faster under tension.
Proposed: My heart beats faster under the tension.

But, all that work...
Original: it'll be useless if I die before they get home.
Proposed: It'll be useless if I die before they get home.

Original: It isn't a matter of allowing, or not.
Proposed: It isn't a matter of allowing or not.
Needless comma.

*- Skipping the H-scene.
*- More energetic, Shiki heads to Tohno Makihisa's room.
Original: (The adopted son is the heir of the house Nanaya. ...)
Proposed: (The adopted son is the heir of the Nanaya house. ...)

Original: Talking about potential, I feel and older origin in Akiha's blood, but SHIKI's Tohno blood runs much stronger.
Proposed: Talking about potential, I feel and older origin in Akiha's blood, but Tohno SHIKI's blood runs much stronger.

Original: I know which is which, but I don't want to admit it---.
Proposed: I know which is which, but I don't want to admit it---
Dot at the end.

*- Last page of what seems a child's diary.
Original: So it's better to just become a doll
Original: Gradually, my body stopped generating a pulse
Original: Blood vessels turned into tubes one by one
Original: Blood vanished like vapor
Original: My heart, everything, just crafted parts
Original: See, that's why there will be no more
Original: pain
Maybe is like in the original, but worth to mention. Final dot missing in all lines except (one to last/ last but one)

*- Hisui finds Shiki in the forest.
Original: Then that means--.
Proposed: Then that means--
"---I see. So, I'm the adopted child?"
Final dot.

Original: People of the Tohno bloodline have powers don't they?
Proposed: People of the Tohno bloodline have powers, don't they?

Original: Without a doubt, you were stabbed by SHIKI in the chest and on the verge of death.
Proposed: Without a doubt, you were stabbed by SHIKI in the chest, and on the verge of death.
But by some miracle, you were able to survive.
Original: You were saved and SHIKI also survived.
Proposed: You were saved, and SHIKI also survived.

So my old man sent me to live with the Arimas, and contrived a
Original: situation where I couldn't be the successor since my health was bad
Proposed: situation where I couldn't be the successor since my health was bad,
even though I was supposedly the eldest son of the Tohno household.

Original: Nee-san was Makihisa-sama's servant and was not allowed out of his room. Akiha-sama hated that and freed Nee-san.
Proposed: Nee-san was Makihisa-sama's servant, and was not allowed out of his room. Akiha-sama hated that, and freed Nee-san.
To keep the tension of the moment. It also fits with the surrounding text.

Original: At that time, SHIKI stole your life and is using it to prolong his own life.
Proposed: At that time, SHIKI stole your life, and is using it to prolong his own (life).
Same reason as before.

*- Arriving to school.
Original: the darkness is filled with murderous intent as if battle to the death is ocurring like in my dreams.
Proposed: the darkness is filled with murderous intent as if battle to the death is ocurring, like in my dreams.

Original: the darkness is filled with murderous intent as if battle to the death is ocurring like in my dreams.
Proposed: the darkness is filled with murderous intent as if battle to the death is ocurring, like in my dreams.

Original: I don't think he will kill Akiha since he persistently went after Akiha in the dreams.
Proposed: I don't think he will kill Akiha, since he persistently went after her in the dreams

He's crazy.
Original: I can't understand his broken conceptions since I'm not.
Proposed: I can't understand his broken conceptions, since I'm not.

*- Akiha fighting SHIKI in the hallway.
With that, his body slams down to the ground, and as if in response to
Original: the sound. His torso burns, giving out smoke.
Proposed: the sound, his torso burns, giving out smoke.

*- Option 1. Call out Akiha's name.
Original: The lines of death on her body are spreading across her body with gruesome speed.
Proposed: The lines of death on her body are spreading (across her) with gruesome speed.

Original: In a daze.
Proposed: In a daze,
Akiha says this to me like she does not see me pushing against her wound.

Original: More than that just cause---
Proposed: More than that, just cause---
...
---I hate him.

Original: SHIKI screams around while staggering around. I---
Proposed: SHIKI screams while staggering around. I---

Original: All those who get in my way are my enemy.
Proposed: All those who get in my way are my enemies.

*- Option 2. Call out Kohaku's name.
Original: Before he does, he looks up at me, and curiously says.
Proposed: Before he does, he looks up at me, and curiously says,
"--So who are you, anyway?"
This one is to keep the style.

Next to come, the endings and the naughty scenes.
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime and Plus+Disc Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 25th, 2009, 5:13 pm

As promised...

*- Hisui's True Ending.

That one dream, where SHIKI was violating that one doll-like girl.
Original: That... is probably---.
Proposed: That... is probably---

Original: He probably also thought it was better that as few people knew about this secret as possible.
Proposed: He probably also thought it was better that as few people as possible knew about this secret.
Might be correct but it strikes me.

Original: That it would suit Akiha-sama for her to die just like you did.
Proposed: That it would suit Akiha-sama to die just like you did.
Not sure about tis one, but it seems redundant.

SHIKI-sama said that he wanted to drink blood, so I gave him mine and
Original: told him that he wasn't a bad person and I kept him the way he was.
Proposed: told him that he wasn't a bad person, and I kept him the way he was.

Original: Oh, but don't worry since I was the one who took care of SHIKI-sama
Proposed: Oh, but don't worry, since I was the one who took care of SHIKI-sama
and Makihisa-sama. Hisui-chan was always clean of everything.

Original: "But, there was just one strange thing."
Original: Really just a little bit.
Proposed: "But, there was just one strange thing.
Proposed: Really just a little bit."
She said that as her eyes trailed off into her distance.
The quotes.

Original: Revealing Makihisa-sama's abuse and devotedly helping Akiha-sama who was slowly turning nonhuman.
Proposed: Revealing Makihisa-sama's abuse and devotedly helping Akiha-sama, who was slowly turning non-human.
Comma and non-human.

Original: ---I see that, and for no reason.
Proposed: ---I see that, and for no reason,
I remember that sorrowful affair.

Only, it's just that,
Original: I wanted to go somewhere new with Hisui and wanted to increase our fun
Proposed: I wanted to go somewhere new with Hisui, and wanted to increase our fun
memories so we won't lose against all the sad memories.

---Well, that's that.
Original: I can ask his sister to come along too and going with a lot of people
Proposed: I can ask his sister to come along too, and going with a lot of people
might not be bad either.



*- Hisui's Good Ending.

Original: Since SHIKI disappeared, all my strength returned and Akiha is healing well, too.
Original: Kohaku-san and Hisui go back to their regular duties at the mansion and there isn't a trace of uneasiness.
Proposed: Since SHIKI disappeared(,) all my strength returned, and Akiha is healing well, too.
Proposed: Kohaku-san and Hisui went back to their regular duties at the mansion, and there isn't a trace of uneasiness.

Original: Nothing, I just can't answer to your all your little scolding when my head's still dozy.
Proposed: Nothing, I just can't answer to all your little scolding when my head's still dozy.

Looking down,
Original: All I could do is shout her name.
Proposed: all I could do is shout her name.

Always smiling, thinking of Hisui dearly, being such good friends with Akiha,
Original: and laughting when we talk about stupid things, I wanted
Proposed: and laughting when we talk about stupid things. I wanted
Kohaku-san to atay like that.
Change the comma for a dot

Original: She seemed troubled as she says this, and her smile returns.
Proposed: She seems troubled as she says this, and her smile returns.
Proposed: She seemed troubled as she said this, and her smile returns.

Original: If you had never slept in the sitting room, then Hisui-chan never would have noticed us.
Proposed: If you had never slept in the sitting room, then Hisui-chan would have never noticed us.
Might be correct though.

*- At the hospital.
Original: His face which I see for the first time looks somewhat kind.
Proposed: His face, which I see for the first time, looks somewhat kind.

I finally got those bandages off my eyes.
Original: I can see your face and my body is healed, so there's no more problems.
Proposed: I can see your face, and my body is healed, so there's no more problems.

Original: This isn't a joke or anything as she really does mean those words.
Proposed: This isn't a joke or anything, as she really does mean those words.

Original: But, I know that the Kohaku-san has the body and heart she had before, but she has forgotten all about me, Hisui, and Akiha.
Proposed: But, I know that Kohaku-san has the body and heart she had before, but she has forgotten all about me, Hisui and Akiha.
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime and Plus+Disc Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 25th, 2009, 5:54 pm

The most frequent typo in these scenes is the lack of a space after a comma, in the lines consisting of onomatopoeias.
I also found "nighttime" many times. There are dictionaries with it and not "night-time", and vice versa. I'll leave it to you.


Day 12.
*- Hisui's (Kohaku) H-Scene.
Original: "Nn----ha, n , ..."
Proposed: "Nn----ha, n, ..."
Her inexperienced lips are still weak.

Original: "Ah---a,a----"
Proposed: "Ah---a, a----"
A gasp escapes my lips.

Original: "Nn... nn,n.....!"
Proposed: "Nn... nn, n.....!"
Gripping.

Original: "Nn---,n... n----!"
Proposed: "Nn---, n... n----!"
Hisui tries to pull her head back.

Original: "Nn----ha,n,ah--!"
Proposed: "Nn----ha, n, ah--!"
Hisui tries to breath.

Original: Confused, Hisui hesitates and then.
Original: "N... nn,ha"
Proposed: Confused, Hisui hesitates, and then.
Proposed: "N... nn, ha"

Original: "Nn---na,n---"
Proposed: "Nn---na, n---"
Hisui is no longer able to hold her saliva in.

Original: It must really hurt her as she starts to bite down.
Proposed: It must really hurt her, as she starts to bite down.

Original: "Ha,a---I'm going to come, Hisui...!"
Proposed: "Ha, a---I'm going to come, Hisui...!"

Original: "Nn----Ah,nn-----!!"
Proposed: "Nn----Ah, nn-----!!"
Splash.
Original: "N---,n---!"
Proposed: "N---, n---!"

Original: "N, Hwa...! "
Proposed: "N, hwa...! "
Hisui's voice is bewildered, and her body starts to shake.

I start to forget myself as I thrust.
Original: "Definitely,"
Proposed: "Definitely."

Hisui's head falls back.
Original: "Ha,a---! Shiki-sa... ma---it... hurts...!"
Proposed: "Ha, a---! Shiki-sa... ma---it... hurts...!"

Original: "N, a, Aa...! Stop, please, this...!"
Proposed: "N, a, aa...! Stop, please, this...!"
Hisui's back begins to arch.

I push on the back of her head and make her swallow it.
Original: "Ha,n,nnn---!"
Proposed: "Ha, n, nnn---!"

Original: "A--n, No...!"
Proposed: "A--n, no...!"
Proposed: "A--n. No...!"

Original: "Ha... A, ah."
Proposed: "Ha... Ah, ah."
Proposed: "Ha... a, ah."
Still... overflowing.



Day 13.
*- Hisui's true H-Scene.

Original: Her body is slender yet not skinny.
Proposed: Her body is slender, yet not skinny.

Original: ...Ah... ha, Ah...!
Proposed: ...Ah... ha, ah...!
Proposed: ...Ah... ha. Ah...!
Her breathing is wild.

Original: I push in harder, not caring if either one of us breaks.
Proposed: I push in harder, not caring if either one of us break.

Original: Her breathing is wilder than mine and her body is shaking.
Proposed: Her breathing is wilder than mine, and her body is shaking.

My heart feels like it's exploding.
So before that happens,
Original: I wanted to bury myself completely in her.
Proposed: I want to bury myself completely in her.

It looks like keloid on her otherwise perfect skin.
Original: But in contrast, she looks more appealing and at that second,
Proposed: But in contrast, she looks more appealing, and at that second,
I feel dizzy.

Original: But, What should we do? Um... do we have to give it one more try?
Proposed: But, what should we do? Um... do we have to give it one more try?

Original: Her hips start to move again and she breathes out in short, sweet sighs again.
Proposed: Her hips start to move again, and she breathes out in short, sweet sighs again.

Original: What am I thinking--about Hisui who's already this tired?
Proposed: What am I thinking--about Hisui, who's already this tired?

Original: ... Is it okay, Shiki-sama. I, I am...
Proposed: ... Is it okay, Shiki-sama? I, I am...
Don't be stupid, I only want you, Hisui.

Original: What's this? You still can't be embarrassed. There isn't a part of you I haven't seen.
Proposed: What's this? You can't still be embarrassed. There isn't a part of you I haven't seen.

Original: I guess I'm hitting her in a different spot as she is reacting more now.
Proposed: I guess I'm hitting her in a different spot, as she is reacting more now.

I keep lifting her, and lowering her.
Original: Ha--ah, ,nwa---!
Proposed: Ha--ah, nwa---!

Original: Or, is it.
Proposed: Or, is it...
Is it my own column of flesh, swollen with blood that is on fire?


As an extra...
Day 6.
*- Hisui's H-Dream.

Original: ----EeeeEEEEh!?
Proposed: ----Eeeeeeeeh!?
I pull back so quickly I almost fall out of bed.

Original: I don't want to think about that, but.
Proposed: I don't want to think about that, but...
"-----"
If she makes that expression, my dizziness gets worse.

Original: "Shiki-sama... am I no good?"
Original: "Stupid---That's not it. Hisui, I like you."
Proposed: "Shiki-sama... am I not good?"
Proposed: "Silly---That's not it. Hisui, I like you."
Stupid seems too agressive in this context. If the original is "baka", something like silly fits better, doesn't it?

"But, this is something different. Even if you are my servant, this isn't something you have to do...
Original: I can't do anything you don't want to do."
Proposed: I can'tforce yo to do anything you don't want to do."
Or that's the idea, I think.

I continue my soft massage, taking my finger up and down her slit.
Original: "----, Nn...!"
Proposed: "----. Nn...!"

Original: Looking down, I realize that I am standing fully erect in front of her.....
The final dot looks like a regular dot, in contrast with the suspension points.

Original: "Ahh---,--!"
Proposed: "Ahh---, --!"
With that, I explode.
Space after the comma.


*- Shiki wakes up (Next day).
Original: "AHH------!"
Proposed: "Ahh------!"
I jump out of bed.

Original: But, that angle,
Proposed: But, that angle.
Proposed: But, that angle...
Looking up to me like that, it resembles too much of the dream last night---

That's all for the cute Hisui-chan. Next in line is her sister.
iceslide
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Re: Tsukihime and Plus+Disc Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » August 31st, 2009, 4:05 pm

Here again to give you shivers and chills down your spine.

Day 1, Kohaku's route.

*- Option 3: About the girl by the window.
Original: An old white ribbon that the girls gave me at the very end.
Proposed: An old white ribbon that the girl gave me at the very end.


Day 2.

*- Option 2: Go help Kohaku-san.
I also wanted to grow some cactus and other cute things like that, but
Original: Akiha-sama was vehemently against it so I had to stop.
Proposed: Akiha-sama was vehemently against it, so I had to stop.


Day 3.

*- Back to the mansion after killing Yumizuka.
Original: In front of me--I see Akiha who has just now made it to the bottom of the stairway.
Proposed: In front of me--I see Akiha, who has just now made it to the bottom of the stairway.

Original: Both of us grown up like this now and being the opposite gender.
Original: We can't really use that method anymore.
Proposed: Both of us grown up like this now and being the opposite gender,
Proposed: (we) can't really use that method anymore.

Original: My exhaustion is more in my body than my mind.
Proposed: My exhaustion is more in my body than in my mind.


Day 4.

*- Option 1: Go and help Kohaku-san.
Original: She was always shy even then, so I never knew what she was thinking.
Proposed: She was always shy, even then, so I never knew what she was thinking.
Comma.

*- Drinking.
Original: "What is it? Are you feeling okay, Akiha?
Proposed: "What is it? Are you not feeling okay, Akiha?
No.... that's not it. I just got uneasy all of a sudden.

Original: -----.
Proposed: -----
Seeing that, my heart starts to beat faster for no reason.

*- Out to cool off.
no one to tie us down and lock us away,
Original: Or that person who curses Tohno Shiki...
Proposed: or that person who curses Tohno Shiki...

*- Back to his room.
Original: ..... that was my only saving grace.
Proposed: ..... That was my only saving grace.

Original: Actually remembering a promise from your childhood is stranger than forgetting it, I suppose.
Proposed: Actually, remembering a promise from your childhood is stranger than forgetting it, I suppose.
Not sure.

Original: Then can I kill that too?
Proposed: Then, can I kill that too?
That apparition that I saw once in my childhood.


Day 5.

*- At school.
Original: From that night until now.
Original: Something about reality didn't seem quite right to me---
Proposed: From that night until now,
Proposed: something about reality didn't seem quite right to me---

*- Back to the mansion, Shiki meets Kohaku.
Original: Oh, are you leaving already Shiki-san?
Proposed: Oh, are you leaving already, Shiki-san?

*- Taking care of Akiha in her room.
Original: I don't want to--what, what should I do...!
Proposed: I don't want to--what, what should I do...!?
Speaking with a wavering voice, Akiha cries.


Day 5-5.

*- Shiki's dream at the end of day 5.
Original: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----.
Proposed: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----
Finishing it up, I resume breathing.

Original: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----.
Proposed: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----
Finishing it up, I resume breathing.
Dot at the end.

Original: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----.
Proposed: ---*pant* *pant* *pant* *pant*-----
It looks like I did it again.
Dot thing again.

The enemy's surrounding is filled with heat.
Original: Just getting close--
Proposed: Just by getting close--
Not sure.


Day 6.

*- Morning.
<---
... I can't remember that well.
Original: If there is a habit of drinking blood.

... I can't think well.
Original: It spreads by being bitten.

Proposed: If there is a habit of drinking blood,
Proposed: it spreads by being bitten.
Proposal for their respective lines.
--- >

As usual, Hisui has prepared my uniform.
Original: I draw nearer to her to get them, and,
Proposed: I draw nearer to her to get it, and,

Come to think of it, this might be a good opportunity.
Original: I--.
Proposed: I'll--
Presentation of options.

*- Option 2: Investigate Makihisa's room.
Original: I pull the drawers to my old man's desk.
I feel it catch.
I don't know if this is correct. Couldn't find "pull to". But pull out seems a good alternative.

*- Option 1: Go see Kohaku.
Original: "In that case", Kohaku-san says as she stays in place.
Proposed: "In that case," Kohaku-san says as she stays in place.
To match the style.

Original: Akiha...! There's some things you shouldn't say.
Proposed: Akiha...! There are some things you shouldn't say.

*- After dinner.
Original: I guess Akiha was still feeling poorly because she wasn't there.
Proposed: I guess Akiha was still feeling poorly, because she wasn't there.
Poorly because she slapped Kohaku, not for not having dinner

*- Night dream.
Original: ... I decide to do it here in the end.
Proposed: ... I decide to do it here, in the end.
The reason is simple.


Day 7.

*- Morning.
Oh, that won't do, Shiki-san.
Original: You collapsed yesterday so you need to eat to regain your strengh.
Proposed: You collapsed yesterday, so you need to eat to regain your strengh.

*- Back from school, Shiki goes to Makihisa's room.

Original: I end up adopting his son, but I guess I could not lift their grudge with such a thing.
Proposed: I ended up adopting his son, but I guess I could not lift their grudge with such a thing.

Original: Complementarity.
Proposed: Complementarily.
The Nanayas are a family that produces killers.

(And the beforementioned that appear in Makihisa's room:
Original: nonhuman
Original: house Nanaya)

*- Shiki goes to Akiha's room to talk about his past.
Original: You were taken to a hospital and the day you returned, you were adopted by the Arima family.
Proposed: You were taken to a hospital, and the day you returned, you were adopted by the Arima family.
That is why Father hypnotized you.
Original: You were not fully healed so your heart and mind was weak.
Proposed: You were not fully healed, so your heart and mind was weak.

Original: , but the only ones that the Nanaya feel a homicidal impulse towards are nonhumans.
Proposed: , but the only ones that the Nanaya feel a homicidal impulse towards are non-humans.

It seems you understand. Well then, will you return to your room?
Original: I just came back from school so there are things I have to do.
Proposed: I just came back from school, so there are things I have to do.

*- Talking with Hisui in the kitchen.
... I was scared of that Nee-san.
Original: Nee-san lost her identity and I realized that she was just living by acting out someone's role.
Proposed: Nee-san lost her identity, and I realized that she was just living by acting out someone's role.
The lack of the comma breaks the tension of the story.

Original: I was scared of those words and I thought that I should return to my self right away.
Proposed: I was scared of those words, and I thought that I should return to my self right away.

Original: ---Hisui has been watching Kohaku-san who only knows how to live a lie, but still says she will live with her.
Proposed: ---Hisui has been watching Kohaku-san, who only knows how to live a lie, but still says she will live with her.

*- Option 1: Go look outside.
*- Back to the mansion. Last lines.
Original: That's it though.
Proposed: That's it, though.
I collapse.


Day 8.

*- Morning.
Kohaku-san enters carrying a towel and a bucket.
Original: Ah, good morning Shiki-san.
Proposed: Ah, good morning, Shiki-san.

Original: Morning Kohaku-san. Um---did you carry me up here?
Original: Huh? Don't you remember Shiki-san?
Proposed: Morning, Kohaku-san. Um---did you carry me up here?
Proposed: Huh? Don't you remember, Shiki-san?

Original: "Ah--! Ko, Kohaku-san, School!"
Proposed: "Ah--! Ko, Kohaku-san, school!"

Original: I completely forgot about it since I have been spacing out at school lately.
Proposed: I completely forgot about it, since I have been spacing out at school lately.

*- Kohaku & Akiha in the detached building.
Original: So whatever yo do, I will forgive you.
Proposed: So, whatever yo do, I will forgive you.

Original: With a sudden jerk.
Original: Shaking her shoulders, Kohaku stifles a gasp.
Proposed: With a sudden jerk,
Proposed: shaking her shoulders, Kohaku stifles a gasp.

To me, sucking blood is just for pleasure.
Original: It won't destroy me like it did SHIKI.
Proposed: It won't destroy me like it did to SHIKI.

Original: I would kill the one I love the most, and drink up even their life.
Proposed: I would kill the one I love the most, and drink up even it's life.
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Re: Tsukihime and Plus+Disc Bug Reports

Unread postby iceslide » September 11th, 2009, 11:37 am

More things yet again. I have these reports piling up on my desktop for awhile now.

Day 9, Kohaku's route.

*- Morning.
Come to think of it,
Original: these are different pijamas then I wore last night.
Proposed: these are different pijamas than I wore last night.
I'm a bit confused with the "then" because is not the first time I see it in the game used for comparison. I've been taught that when comparing "than" is used. Additionally I found this while checking on my own if this was a mistake.

Original: My body has gotten a little better and the weather is excellent.
Proposed: My body has gotten a little better, and the weather is excellent.

At first you just held my hand,
Original: but you started to try and care of me.
Proposed: but you started to try to care of me.
At the end, you even took some empty syringes and were to inject me, right?
Maybe correct, though.

Original: Whatever SHIKI does. I'll recover in a matter of days.
Proposed: Whatever SHIKI does, I'll recover in a matter of days.

*- At the back alley.
Original: Look, you are just a normal human so a monster like SHIKI is too far above your level.
Proposed: Look, you are just a normal human, so a monster like SHIKI is too far above your level.
Comma.



Day 10.

*- Beginning of the day. Shiki is dreaming.
Original: nonhuman ¿subsumed?
Proposed: non-human

*- Kohaku tells Shiki that Akiha killed SHIKI five days ago.
*- Shiki goes to Akiha's room to talk to her.
Original: ... How do I put this... ever since I killed SHIKI,
Proposed: ... How do I put this... Ever since I killed SHIKI,
I became unable to suppress my emotions any longer.

Whatever she says, I'm Tohno Shiki.
Original: I wont' become what I don't even remember, as Nanaya.
Proposed: I wont' become what I don't even remember, a Nanaya.

Original: It's like, it's trying to do something to the nonhuman Tohno Akiha.
Proposed: It's like, it's trying to do something to the non-human Tohno Akiha.

Original: I just don't want you... as Akiha to have to have to drink blood.
Proposed: I just don't want you... as Akiha, to have to have to drink blood.

--Her eyes become glaciers.
In that instant,
Original: My body collapses to the floor loudly.
Proposed: my body collapses to the floor loudly.

Original: I really, can't breathe, my arms, and legs, won't move----
Proposed: I really, can't breathe. My arms, and legs, won't move----

*- After Shiki regains consciousness he gives back the ribbon to Kohaku.
Original: But, naturally.
Proposed: But, naturally,
I hold her body close to mine.

*- Kohaku decides to help Shiki regain some energy.
But, it only works if... the person is of the opposite gender.
Original: Akiha-sama is a woman so we could not Synchronize.
Proposed: Akiha-sama is a woman, so we could not Synchronize.

Original: Hisui-chan and I were both brought to this mansion for that purpose you know.
Proposed: Hisui-chan and I were both brought to this mansion for that purpose, you know.



Day 11.

*- Kohaku confessing her true self.
Original: I never understood why people smiled or frowned or could ever discover the meaning behind it.
Proposed: I never understood why people smiled or frowned, or could ever discover the meaning behind it.

Original: So--I searched for a purpose and started to act to fulfill my purpose.
Proposed: So--I searched for a purpose and started to act to fulfill it.

Original: I was a doll without any identity, so I if I wore the right clothes, I could become anyone.
Proposed: I was a doll without any identity, so if I wore the right clothes, I could become anyone.

Original: That boy who was always playing in the garden who knew nothing about me yet invited me with his eyes.
Proposed: That boy(,) who was always playing in the garden, who knew nothing about me, yet invited me with his eyes.

Original: ... Towards SHIKI-sama who killed that boy, or Akiha-sama who was saved by that boy, I didn't feel anything at all.
Proposed: ... Towards SHIKI-sama, who killed that boy, or Akiha-sama, who was saved by that boy, I didn't feel anything at all.

*- Meeting Akiha at school.
Original: You come here to betray me and then come after me?
Original: ... Incredible. You weren't satisfied with betraying me once, but you ask for help from Kohaku and came to kill me again.
Proposed: You come/came here to betray me and then come after me?
Proposed: ... Incredible. You weren't satisfied with betraying me once, but you ask/asked for help from Kohaku and come/came to kill me again.
At least, the tenses in the second line (ask & came) seem mixed up.

Original: On one hand, my heart is raging forth and on the other hand, my reason is screaming warnings at me.
Proposed: On one hand, my heart is raging forth, and on the other hand, my reason is screaming warnings at me.

Original: What did I just say...!
Proposed: What did I just say...!?
I said I didn't come here to kill you, only to stop you from drinking any more blood...!

Original: My headache gets worse and it feels like it really will split apart.
Proposed: My headache gets worse, and it feels like it really will split apart.
Also, what will split apart? The headache? Maybe was supposed to be his head?

Original: Suffer? You don't know anything about what I'm feeling so don't try and lecture me about it, Kohaku.
Proposed: Suffer? You don't know anything about what I'm feeling, so don't try and lecture me about it, Kohaku.
Also, maybe "try to lecture"?

Original: Rejected by the one I love the most who is being used as a tool by the one he loves instead?
Proposed: Rejected by the one I love the most, who is being used as a tool by the one he loves instead?

Original: Not just eight years ago, but it returns even in this instant.
Proposed: Not just eight years ago, but it returns even at this instant.
???

Her hair coils around her like a snake.
Original: It seems like every one of them has a mind of its own.
Proposed: It seems like every one of them have a mind of their own.

*- Option 1: Kill her now.
Original: Making no differentation between her skin, her muscles, her arteries,
Original: her bones,without mercy or compassion,like plucking a lily,without even any resplendet pain.
Proposed: Making no difference between her skin, her muscles, her arteries,
Proposed: her bones, without mercy or compassion, like plucking a lily, without even any resplendet pain.
The second line is about the space after the commas.

It cools my burning body and my headache ceases.
---Haha... ha.... ah---
So why?
Original: Only my thoughts, as if my head is becoming empty.
Everything feels the same and my vision does not return to normal from the red world I'm in.
I think this part needs some rephrasing.

*- Option 2: Pull back for now.
Original: I jump back to the stairs, and jump down them without using the steps.
Proposed: I jump back to the stairs, and jump them down without using the steps.

Original: "----Now,"
Proposed: "----Now."
Before she can do that, I jump down one more time.

*- Option 2: ...... Wait until she walks by and attack her from behind.
All of a sudden,
Original: A[b] crash comes from the window.
Proposed: [b]a[b] crash comes from the window.

*- Reaching the bad end.
Original: Yeah, yeah, I don't recall ever asking a [b]nonhuman
like you anything.
Proposed: Yeah, yeah, I don't recall ever asking a non-human like you anything.

*- Option 1: ...... Kill her before she notices me.
*- Shiki hesitates to kill Akiha.
My head hurts, Akiha.
Even though the commad to kill repeated itself so many times in my head,
and I hated you so much,
Original: but still-------
Proposed: I still-------

Original: I'm trying to kill you right now and I even killed Kohaku.
Proposed: I'm trying to kill you right now, and I even killed Kohaku.

Original: Already. My body feels cold, as if I already died.
Proposed: Already, my body feels cold, as if I already died.

She says I should kill her.
Original: That's certainly my own words.
Original: But, that. That isn't good.
Proposed: Those are certainly my own words.
Proposed: But, that... That isn't good.

Yeah, reaching the end of the last route. The next post will be the ending and H-scenes.
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Re: Tsukihime and Plus+Disc Bug Reports

Unread postby Nisemono » September 12th, 2009, 1:30 pm

This bug occurs at Arcueid's route, since that's the only one I have attempted so far. When I finish it and it goes to the "Fin" screen, it just stays there and the game will freeze. It will go into the "Not responding" status and it can basically stay there for hours.

So basically, I CAN'T finish the game, which means I can't try out other routes, like Hisui's. Since I haven't "completed" it due to the game crashing at the ending screen...

Any hopes of fixing this? I'm using Windows 7, so maybe that might be the problem, but CLANNAD for example works totally fine there, with no bugs.

I have two OS' in my computer, Windows 7 and XP, since I can only play some visual novels in XP. I tried installing Tsukihime to Win XP at first, but after installation and execution of the program, it always comes up with some blue screen, full of errors and the game won't start, but it works fine in Win 7.

Anyway, can that "Fin" screen freeze/crash be fixed somehow since I'd like to try out other routes as well?

Computer specs:
CPU - 1,8ghz Celeron 430
GFX - 256mb nvidia geforce 7300LE
RAM - 1gb
Nisemono
Totally hardly posted
 
Posts: 7
Joined: September 12th, 2009, 1:22 pm

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