MAW2 Typo/Grammar Mistake Report [v1.0]

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MAW2 Typo/Grammar Mistake Report [v1.0]

Unread postby TakaJun » July 2nd, 2008, 5:57 am

This is a report thread for all the typos and grammar mistakes you may find in MAW2 English.

Please state:
- The scene (Job, Hscene, etc)
- The mistake (what's wrong)
- Sentences around it
- Possible correction

NOTE - Before you post a textual error, search this thread to see if it hasn't already been reported.

NOTE - Only report errors ONCE. Do NOT discuss other people's reports, nor our decision on whether or not to fix something.
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Unread postby Wingblade » July 2nd, 2008, 4:52 pm

first mistake i found i think in the prologue section if its still the prologue, after cliff arrives at the academy, he decides to take a bath. Iry tells him where the bath is but there was someone in there. Cliff addresses the problem to "Lucy" (who's out for a part-time job) instead of Iry.
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Unread postby Phlebas » July 2nd, 2008, 6:06 pm

Errors in the order I've found them, updating new ones to this post:

Prologue, after Mena befriends the big bird:

Will:
"Cliff-kun, you're also talented in being the underling that even monsters make fun of you."
<-Obscure sentence structure, maybe missing a word, could be something like "You're so talented in being the underling that even monsters make fun of you" or "You're also talented in being the underling that even monsters make fun of." or "You're also so talented in being the underling that even monsters make fun of you."

After visiting the public bath for the first time:
"Thank goodness there weren't any customer. It would've been bad if there were anyone in here." -> should be customers

Chapter 1, 6pm, Lucy's turn to cook (after the senseis have taken off to another town)
Aoi:
"I have ate your food without complaining because I thought it would be a waste otherwise..." -> eaten

Chapter 4, discussion after the mansion burns down
Aoi:
"We might be facing an outragious monster..." -> outrageous

Same discussion,
Lucy:
"Hold on! I'm gonna go there and settle thing! I'm gonna tell him never to lay hands on my family again!" -> things

Chapter 1, Lucy's turn to cook, when Mena is re-cooking in the kitchen:
"The smell flow into the dining room..." -> smells flow or smell flows

In the mission where you hunt the monster pillaging trash cans, on 3rd fight:
Lucy:
It's rather honorable if it goes this far." -> Probably intended to be "respectable", although the words have almost the same semantic meaning in this context honorable doesn't really make any sense.

Chapter 2, 2nd inhouse bath scene after Sheryl joins:
Aoi:
"I have already done so if I could" -> would have

Chapter 2, 2nd inhouse bath scene after taking the baby in:
Mena:
"Thank God nothing happenedin the last 3 days. I have to thank Lucy-san." (missing a space)

Chapter 2, discussion about whatever-grill
"But... a meal where that absurd Lucy makes as she likes" <-Obscure sentence structure, can't really guess for sure where the problem might exactly be.. possibly "a meal which that absurd Lucy makes as she likes" or "a meal where that absurd Lucy does as she likes".

Chapter 2, when you meet Kitty:
Mena:
"Please gime your best regards, Kitty-chan." -> gimme, presumably (although "give me" would sound more natural for her)

Chapter 3, @ the carpenter when you get the mission to save Hanna:
Cliff:
"Hanna-san might've really went to that forest!" <- gone

Chapter 3 (Mena route), wedding rehearsal:
"The three is watching carelessly, but I'm a bit flustered right now." -> are watching (or possibly even "are looking careless", since "are watching carelessly" doesn't sound quite right in the context either).

Same scene as above, kissing Mena:
"The lips I feel for the first time is soft and warm" -> are soft

Chapter 4, pub (first time going there in Ch4):
Hanna:
"...There are a lot of monsters that tastes good." -> taste

Chapter 4, Cliff's room, 1st eroscene with Mena
"My heart is pounding because of the softtness of her breasts." -> softness

Same scene,
Mena:
"Yeah... but it's fine. I'll bare it." -> bear

Same scene,
"And to add, the entrance is squeezing me and not let me go out." ->" not letting", or "does not let"

Same scene,
"How was I able to meet Mena? I thank from the bottom of my heart to whoever brought me this fortune." -> remove "to", or change beginning to "I give/send thanks"

Same scene,
"Mena let's out a hot sigh." -> lets

Same event, morning after eroscene:
Cliff:
"Um... I'm sorry aboutr yesterday..." -> about

Same event, morning after eroscene:
"But there were some panic when Lucy said "you guys sleep in the same room" and Aoi-san said "it's too early"." -> was (and would probably sound clearer if Lucy says "you guys should sleep in the same room").

Chapter 4, 2nd eroscene with Mena
"Her walls move and tightens on me." -> tighten

Chapter 4, discussion about Aoi's cooking
Lucy:
"Kit... the food she makes are too plain and light." -> "food she makes is", or "foods she make are"

Chapter 4, 3rd+ eroscene with Mena, "move fast":
"My penis pushed her and shake her well-shaped breasts." -> shaked (or pushes and shakes)

Chapter 4, weapon shop, introducing monster encyclopaedia
Weapon Shop Master:
"All decided then. Please check any places that monsters appear." -> where

Chapter 4, Mena bj eroscene:
"Her tight pussy tries to hold onnto me" -> onto

Chapter 4 eroscene, after choice to make Mena give a bj
"Her butt move as well, and rubs itself on my finger." -> moves

Chapter 4, monster's den mission (King & Queen), discussion at boss:
Aoi:
"That is expected. We are invaders that are tresspassing into their territory and hurting their kind." -> trespassing

Same event, after the fight:
Mena:
"Yeah. The king cried and apologized to me that he'll get himself together now." -> apologize is an intransitive verb, could maybe work with "and apologized and promised to me" or "and promised to me", or "apologized to me, he'll get himself together now."

Same event, after returning to the academy:
Sheryl:
"But Mena-san sure is amazing. She can even tame a monster's king." -> monsters' king

Chapter 4, Fat Sparrow mission, after fighting the Penpens for the first time,
Lucy:
"This isn't time to be crying for them" -> the time

Mena epilogue
"But our skills as Hunters don' t get rusty since there are some monster-related jobs at times" -> don't (excess space)

(All? epilogues after defeating the last boss):
"I heard later, but the incident Sensei went to Liglia for had Drakul connected to it." -> Liguria


Chapter 1, 2nd mission (eradicating ghosts in the forest), after 1st fight:
Lucy:
"That was unexpected... I thought we wouldn' t be able to hit ghosts since they don't have a real body." -> wouldn't (excess space)

Chapter 1, after the trashcan monster mission:
"We head to the Academy so it wouldn' t bother anyone." -> wouldn't (excess space).

Chapter 1, when Servant is playing a ghost and hiding in the basement:
Servant:
"Phew. That was close. I never thought there'll be a stairs leading to a basement in the kitchen." -> remove "a"

Chapter 2, when Benjamin comes to give you a job to clear his mansion:
Benjamin:
"It throws around vases and ashtrays, creates loud sounds, and I can' t sleep at night." -> can't (excess space)

Chapter 2, X'th (probably last before graveyard mission) bath scene where Aoi and Sheryl are discussed:
Mena:
"You seems tired." -> seem

Chapter 2, first discussion in Aoi's room after graveyard mission
Aoi:
""I did. How embarassing. It was shameful of me to think all ghosts are dead spirits..." (double quote)

Chapter 3, 2nd time talking to Aoi in the church after rescuing Kitty
Aoi:
"Being hot is fine, but what is troubling is when doesn't rain." -> when it doesn't

Mustache/moustache is written differently at various points (when talking about Benjamin); "mustache" is used at:
Chapter 3, talking to Kitty at the Academy during the day after Nightshade mission
Kitty:
"Yeah... a shiny mustache guy and a large guy with a line for his eyes."
Chapter 4 (Kitty/Lucy route), when you find Kitty after she ran away:
Lucy:
"That is not your fault. That mustache guy is just selfishly speaking for himself." (a bit later in the scene when Benjamin's mansion burns:)
Lucy:
"It's terrible! The mustache guy's mansion is on fire!"


Chapter 3 (Aoi route), visiting Aoi when she has a cold:
Aoi:
"Or do one start to fee lonely" -> Or does one start to feel lonely

Chapter 3 (Aoi route), 2nd bathscene during Aoi's cold:
Lucy:
"But I do feel a bit sorry how she can't take a bath for two days." -> sorry for how she can't

Same scene, after Aoi has intruded in the bath:
Cliff:
"Haha. This is the opposite situation we're usually in." -> Something like "This is the opposite of the situation we're usually in" or "This is the opposite situation of what we're usually in" or "This is the opposite of our usual situation."

Chapter 3, Aoi route, 1st bath scene after confession:
Lucy:
"Well, it's worrysome, you know?" -> worrisome

Chapter 3, Aoi route, meeting Wisor at the Church:
Wisor:
"The Cyphon Family turned into Succubus that suck sexual force from people turn it to their own life" -> Succubuses (or, the Succubus), into their own life
(next screen:)
"The Drakul Family turned into Vampires that suck people's live blood and turn it to their own life..." -> ("Live" blood can technically be correct as well, but in this context "life blood" sounds more likely), into their own life
(followed by:)
"And... the Mihairoff Family turned into witchs that directly stole other peoples life force" -> witches, people's or peoples'

Chapter 3, Hanna's rescue mission, after fight with slimes:
"...Hanna-san is on the ground like a dead drunk." -> I don't think drunks look that different from others when they're dead, probably meant to be "like she's dead drunk"

Chapter 3 (Aoi route), visiting the latter part of the sewer network:
Lucy:
"Sounds likt it's worth it to search around. Let's get going." -> like
(a bit later when meeting the boss):
Aoi:
"You are my father's revenge!" -> ??? Maybe "I'll avenge my father!"? dno :D
(after the battle):
"It's the family Wisor-san was talking about that turned themselves into vampires and sucks on people's blood." -> suck
(a few lines later:)
Aoi:
"I finally found who killed my father." -> "found out", or "found the one who"
(a few lines later:)
Cliff:
"We have get stronger. Strong enough that we won't lose against him." -> have to get
(a few lines later:)
And at that time..." (useless quote mark)

Chapter 3 (Aoi route), finding Sheryl's body:
Aoi:
"...I have avoided you until now just because you are ghost." -> are a ghost.

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), 2nd library scene after Sheryl has her body back:
Cliff:
"Mena wanted to be a libraian as well." -> librarian

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), 2nd bath scene with Sheryl:
Mena:
"The wateris from the hot spring up in the mountains. This isn't your average bath." -> water is (missing space)

Chapter 4, cafe @daytime, when you accept the monsters' den mission:
"You have accept the job to defeat weird monsters." -> accepted

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), 1st eroscene:
"I gently take off up Aoi-san's top." -> remove "up"
(Next line:) "There lies two soft-looking breasts..." -> lie

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), 2nd eroscene:
"Aoi-san's voice gets rythmical and it gets faster and faster." -> rhythmical.

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), bath after 2nd eroscene
"I never even imagine about it." -> "I never even imagined it" or "I never even thought about it"

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), before 4th eroscene:
Aoi:
"...I am just overit now. I think I was overthinking." -> over it (missing space)

Chapter 4 (Aoi route), 3rd/4th eroscene (on top)
"Aoi-san raises her body and let's me halfway out..." -> lets
Same scene -> keep this up until the end:
"My penis spleashes hot liquid inside of Aoi-san over and over." -> splashes

Chapter 4 (Aoi), before 5th? eroscene
Cliff:
"Aoi-san, your breats are so soft..." -> breasts

Chapter 4 (Aoi), bath scene after several eroscenes:
Mena:
"Oh! Is she asleep__in there...!?" (double space)

Chapter 4 (Aoi), Church h-scene
"Aoi-san's inner wall squeeze me tightly." -> walls

Chapter 4 (Aoi), Wisor's nightly visit after FatSparrow mission:
Wisor:
"She must have the Mihairoff blood or was near Mihairoff for a long time..." -> "or been" or "or she was"

Same scene,
Cliff:
"A truely peaceful time..." -> truly

Chapter 4 (Aoi), entrance to the Old Castle (for final boss)
Aoi:
"You have appeareed, Wisor!" -> appeared
(a few lines later:)
Wisor:
"Oh yes, you were there too, huh? Are you going to avenge for your father?" -> "avenge your father" or "get revenge for your father"
(end of same scene:)
Aoi:
"Hah.He is only a third-rate monster." -> "Hah. He" (missing space after period)

Chapter 4 (Aoi), at the top of the tower:
Wisor:
"You do not need to hold back. I am your father's revenge. Come on now." -> ??? this again :D maybe "Take revenge on me for your father"?
(a few lines later):
Lucy:
"Aoi is provocing him and buying us some time." -> provoking

Chapter 4 (Aoi), after beating the last boss:
Wisor:
"Whers is my..." -> where
"Overwhelming powers......!!?" -> power (or change previous sentence to "where are my")
(a bit later:)
Sheryl:
"I am a witch with Miharioff's blood running inside of me." -> Mihairoff (as it's written elsewhere)
(a bit later:)
"Fluttering the white dress..." -> The white dress fluttering
(a bit later:)
Aoi:
"I provoced that man unnecessary" -> provoked, unnecessarily
(a bit later:)
"After we defeat Wisor, monsters disappeared from the Old Castle." -> defeated (or disappear)
(a bit later:)
"A bit of time passed... and after we the shock of losing Sheryl goes away a bit..." -> (remove "we")

Mena route, after defeating final boss:
"And... as the days passed, we mature more as Hunters." -> matured

(At least) Mena route, after defeating final boss:
"I hope we can be a great Hunter like Sensei..." -> great Hunters (or "I can be")

Chapter 2, 2nd day of taking care of the baby, talking to Sheryl in her room:
Sheryl:
"Um... is that baby is going home tomorrow?" (remove either "is")

Chapter 4 (Kitty route), h-scene with Kitty on top:
"They all go to one spot and tries to spurt out." -> try (or "it all goes to one spot"
(a few lines later:)
"I feel like I've ejacualted everything I have into Kitty." -> ejaculated

Chapter 4 (Kitty), h-scene "let her do as she likes" -> "it's my turn now"
"Kitty's walls squeeze me and tries to make ejaculate." -> try to, make me

Chapter 4 (at least Kitty), visiting Mena for 3rd time after getting a girlfriend
Cliff:
"We're like brothers and sister's..." -> sisters (although "a brother and sister" would be more accurate")

Chapter 4 (Kitty, maybe Lucy too) after rescuing Benjamin from burning mansion:
Lucy:
"You can do anything about the mansion. It's better than dying, right?" -> can't

Chapter 4 (Kitty), last h-scene:
"She looks cute and erotic that it causes my heart to jump." -> so cute
(same scene:)
"Kitty let's out her voice. She calls my name out." -> lets

Chapter 4 (Kitty), 4th fight in the town:
Lucy:
"...You're saying something really outragious is somewhere? -> outrageous + missing a quote mark at the end

Chapter 4 (Kitty), talking with Wisor at the Church:
Wisor:
"Yes... it was a kingdom that should've came true 1000 years ago!" -> come
(next line:)
"I shall kill all humans. But you have been forgiven to live, thanks to her sacrifice." -> allowed/permitted
(a few lines later:)
Lucy:
"What about kigdoms!? I'll crush such a thing right here!" -> kingdoms

Chapter 4 (Kitty), after final boss:
Aoi:
"Nobody will get in our way of our peaceful lives." -> in the way
(a bit later:)
"...Everyon'es screaming." -> everyone's
(later:)
Will:
"But no one can stop you if you really love her. The problem if what you two feel about each other." -> is
(a few sentences later:)
Will:
"Succubus are more free and more rampant than us. They aren't boundd by anything." ->bound
(a few sentences later:)
"If Iry wasn't there, I would've probably went on a journey with her." -> gone

Chapter 3 (Sheryl route), 2nd (and concecutive) time talking to her in the library after reading the Legend of the Witches book:
"Sherl is in the corner, depressed." -> Sheryl

Chapter 3 (Sheryl), talking to Wisor in the library:
Wisor:
"My name is Wisor. Consider me as a history researcher." -> remove "as"
(a few lines later:)
Wisor:
"The Drakul Family turned into vampires that sucks people's blood to turns it into their own life..." ->suck, turn
(next line:)
"And the Mihairoff Family turned into witches that directly stole other peoples life force."-> people's or peoples'
(next:)
Cliff:
(That just means they stopped being human... I don't that idea) -> don't like that

Chapter 3 (Sheryl), exiting the Old Castle:
"Since when did Sheryl take up so much weight in me...?" -> this metaphor doesn't sound quite right, maybe "take up so much space"?

Chapter 4 (Sheryl), before 1st h-scene
Sheryl:
"I said that I'll be able to feel you closer to me if I had a body..." -> I'd
Chapter 4 (Sheryl), 1st h-scene:
"I gently push Sheryl onto the bad and remove her clothes."->bed
"I see a rather big boobs on her slim body." -> (remove "a")
(a bit later:)
"I'm a petty porson if I care about such things. I tell myself so." -> person
(a bit later:)
"I feel marshmallow-like feeling on my lips" -> "a marshmallow-like feeling"
Cliff:
"Woman's breasts are so soft..." -> A woman's
(a bit later:)
"The place we're connected shines in the moonlight." > "connected at", or "where we're connected"
(a bit later:)
"Maybe I'm going crazy over the woman's sensation I feel for the first time." -> "the sensation of a woman"
(a bit later:)
"I was able to become one with girl I like, and I was able to come inside of her." -> a girl/the girl
(end of scene:)
"We're happy rightnow." -> right now

(Sheryl 2nd h-scene):
"I put my face over her breasts and kiss it." -> kiss them (or "over her breast")

(Sheryl h-scene, "do it normally->get closer to her->change position):
"Her walls squueze me even tighter and I'm pushed past my limits." -> squeeze
(a bit later):
"My cum splashes out and hit the deepest part of her." -> hits

Sheryl h-scene "Do it normally->get closer to her->go harder")
"They drip and flow down her thigs." -> It drips and flows down

Sheryl h-scene (have her on top)
"Sheryl gets on top of me and put my penis inside of her."->puts

Sheryl h-scene (have her on top->change position)
"At the same time, Sheryl arches her back and screams. Her pussy contracts and squeeze tightly on me." -> squeezes

Sheryl h-scene (do her from behind)
"I start to move. Our bodies hit each other and makes a sound." -> make
(same scene -> change position)
"Something hot come up inside of me. I'm almost about to come as well." -> comes up
(a bit later:)
"And I start to ejaculate at teh same time." ->the

Chapter 4 (Sheryl), talking to Kitty for the 2nd? time after doing Sheryl:
"I wish she woouldn't ask that sort of question so innocently, even if she may be a Succubus." -> wouldn't

After last h-scene with Sheryl (after she's met Wisor)
"The sweet time of lovers are over and I'm now dozing off." -> is over

Chapter 4 Sheryl, visiting the Old Castle at night:
Sheryl:
"But every one of them were killed, and as time passed... nobody could disobey her anymore..." -> was
(a bit later:)
Sheryl:
"My mother was so used up all her power and she was so weak that she couldn' t cast the spell of immortality on herself..." -> couldn't (excess space)
(a bit later:)
Sheryl:
"This was the place I was sealed..." -> where I was sealed/I was sealed in/at
(later in the same scene:)
"And... Sheryl stands there agast, not moving at all..." -> aghast

Sheryl route, after final boss:
Sheryl:
"The ones who game courage were these people..." -> gave me
(a bit later:)
"I believe the curtains to all these incidents is lowered now."-> curtain / are lowered
"But I bet no one knows such a thing occured out of their sight." -> occurred
(a bit later:)
"Wisor or Irena might have had an affect on them." -> effect (or, "might have affected them")

(every other route epilogue:)
"Drakul might have had an affect on them" -> effect (or ,"might have affected them")

Chapter 2, talking to Mena in her room when Sheryl walks through the room chased by Aoi:
Cliff:
"Donno" ->Dunno

Chapter 4 (Lucy), 1st h-scene:
"I fondle with her breasts as if they're easily breakable."-> remove "with".
(a bit later:)
"I caress her breast with my right hand and fondle with her soft skin beneath her bush with my left hand." -> remove "with".
(a bit later:)
"So it hurt for Siren too when they do it for the first time..." -> hurts
(a bit later:)
"I instinctively explose inside of Lucy." -> explode

Lucy 2nd h-scene:
"I fondle her nipples with my mouth, roll it around with my tongue, and stimulate it." -> nipple
(->end it like this:)
"At that instant, Lucy's walls squeeze me with all its might." -> their

Lucy h-scene from behind->be rougher:
"Her big breasts shakes with her body." -> shake

Mena 1st h-scene in your room:
"At that moment, I realize that there' someone in my room" -> there's
"Mena comlains as she recocers from her shock"->complains, recovers

Mena 2nd h-scene in your room:
"The pleasure that almost make my penis cramp makes me ejaculate over and over." -> makes

****
Whewwww it took some time but finally got 100% CGI gallery and have probably seen every scene except most afterwords once or twice, so think this is all the updates from me. Have fun finding what I've missed :P. Peace out.
Last edited by Phlebas on July 7th, 2008, 10:22 pm, edited 107 times in total.
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Unread postby Comazon » July 3rd, 2008, 7:22 am

In the prologue when they first enter the sewers:
Lucy: "Right. You sure are know what's up, Me-chan." -> Remove "are."
---
The description of the items in the item shop are oddly worded.

Example item: "Brandy - Recovers Freeze"

Freeze is not being recovered, but rather being recovered from.

Alternatives could be something along the lines of "Cures Freeze" or "Dispels Freeze."

(The antidote in the church is another example, as poison is not what is being healed.)
---
Chapter 4, 7:00PM in the 9k bath on Lucy's path (right before the first possible H-scene with her):
Lucy: "I'm sorry if being romatinc doesn't suit me." -> romantic
---
Lucy H-Scene #4 (It's the first scene when Cliff does her from behind):
"The overflowig honey sticks to my stomach" -> overflowing
---
In the 9k bath the day before the baby is going to get picked up:
Mena: "Thank God nothing happenedin the last 3 days. I have to thank Lucy-san." -> needs a space between "happened" and "in."
---
Kitty's path, in Cliff's room. It is the line that leads into the final H-Scene with her:
"But that's why I decid to do as Kitty wishes..." -> decide
---
Kitty's path, during the final H-Scene with her:
"Female body is strange... Even a small hole like this can take me in."

Sounds awkward and needs something before the word "female," such as the word "the."
---
A little later during the same H-Scene:
"Great sensation run up my spine as I move." -> runs
---
A little later during the same H-Scene:
"Kitty's walls begin to convulse and warns me that it's about to reach it's peak."

Several mistakes (and I'm assuming it's Kitty reaching her peak, not her walls). =P

Recommendations:
If Kitty is reaching her peak: "Kitty's walls begin to convulse and warn me that she's about to reach her peak."
If you really meant the walls are reaching their peak: "Kitty's walls begin to convulse and warn me that they're about to reach their peak."
---
A little later during the same H-Scene:
"Kitty grits her teeth and bears the pleasure."
"But it's almost at its limits."

It should be Kitty at her limit, right? Not the pleasure?

Recommendation: "But she's almost at her limit."
---
A little later during the same H-Scene:
"I push myself in from befind Kitty." -> behind
---
Kitty's ending (right after Cliff awakens):
Cliff: "You're alive, thank god..." -> God

(Though one could argue for lowercase, I've seen it capitalized earlier in the game, and I believe it should be capitalized anyway.)
---
Aoi's Path, Once Sheryl is in her body:
"Thank god she's back..." -> God (for the reasons mentioned above)
---
The piece of equipment "Good Sandles" should be spelled as "Good Sandals."
---
Beginning of Aoi's first H-Scene:
""All right." (extra quotation mark)
---
Last Dungeon on Aoi's path when they are split up:
Wisor: "... I wishd to only catch Sheryl, but having one extra prety is good enough." -> wished
---
6PM. Beginning of Chapter 2. Leading up to the "Let's get them back!" option (regarding to sending Sheryl to scare Benjamin):
"They finally tresspassed in here the other day!" -> trespassed
---
Sheryl's Path, Sheryl's Room, After Saving Benjamin from the mushroom poison (Chapter 3), After Sheryl recognized the name Irena.
Cliff: "You don't think you can obtain real happiness if you run away from reality." -> I (Cliff is stating his own opinion.)
---
The description of Ele-Squeak's attack is misspelled.
"Llightning attack" -> Lightning
---
The description of Statue's attack is misspelled (exact same word, no less). =P
"Lighning attack" -> Lightning
Last edited by Comazon on July 13th, 2008, 12:36 am, edited 44 times in total.
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Unread postby uriel » July 3rd, 2008, 2:20 pm

(not sure because I hadn't written down this situation, so I hope is the right moment)
After Lucy prepare dinner, Aoi says something about "lucy's deadly cooking" and Lucy answer: " You say it now" (you said it now)

Night before the baby leaves the academy, in sheryl's room some of the text under the figures.


chapter 2, during dinner, Lucy explaining what a whetever-grill is

"... an add ..." (and add)

At night, in Aoi's room, Cliff wants to make her a tea "I can' t cook ..." there is an extra space between can' and t
Last edited by uriel on July 3rd, 2008, 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Unread postby Wingblade » July 3rd, 2008, 3:28 pm

chapter 4- after benjamin's mansion burned down and and they were discussing about wisor drakul guy. Aoi saids "we might be facing an outragious monster..." correct spelling should be outrageous
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Unread postby Raven » July 5th, 2008, 3:05 am

Chapter 4 - Mena's path - old castle.

Lucy: ... We come here to beat your butt. --- shouldn't it be kick ?
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Unread postby Ephyon » July 27th, 2008, 12:48 am

I could bet money that Cliff's "Chakura" skill is supposed to be "Chakra" instead.
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Unread postby Balcerzak » September 1st, 2008, 9:58 am

Preface: Apologies for being so late on this, but I didn't want to search the thread for duplicates for fear of seeing spoilers, so I waited until I'd completed the whole game (which took longer than I'd expected due to a combination of real life, and HF testing). I know there are probably several scenes I didn't see, as I tried never to fail a mission (was unsuccessful at first mouse mission and the ghost mission, but I believe those were the only two), and I probably missed at least a few minor conversations somewhere, don't think I ever got a complete bestiary (as I got vexed of having to recapture them every time, and some monsters were only available in Sheryl's route, which by that time I had equipped the Arc item and skipped all non-essential battles [after of course making sure to tame a RotPumpkin, a Gnome, and a Thing, as well as a few random others]), and I also may have missed a few items, as sometimes the sparklies would disappear, and if that happened they'd be essentially invisible. On the whole, though, this ought to be a good first step towards a fairly complete check.

Since you cannot review previous text, in situations where I'm unsure of the exact wording, I surround the line with tildes. ~Like so.~

After awhile I got somewhat lazy with scene names. This probably happened after my briefly poking around the script files (prompted by a question in another thread) and getting somewhat of an idea of how they were laid out. If more is needed, I may be able to help dig through and figure out where the line in question came from.

Recurring Problem:
Lucy's Pet names: Lucy always calls Sheryl "Sherry", both fairly consistently in the translation, and always in the voicing. However, frequently the translation has it written as "Sheryl" when said by Lucy, which just feels wrong. Similarly, Lucy calls Mena "Me-chan", Cliff "Ku-chan", and Kitty "Kit".

----------------------------------

Scene: Prologue
Line: My dad's name is Murdock Winston. He was a really well-known merchant around this area.
Problem: Context is all past tense. The dad is dead. His name _was_ Murdock Winston.

Line: ~That alone was sad news for us~ (can't backscroll to doublecheck exactly)
The sadder thing is that we never got the chance to grieve over it.
Problem: "The sadder thing" is a poor linguistic construction. "The _saddest_ thing", or "_An even_ sadder thing" are much better alternatives.

Line: The calculations were completed last week,and only a small amount of money was returned to us.
Problem: spacing. "last week,_ _and only a small amount"

(after battle)
Line: Will-"Cliff-kun, you're also talented in being the underling that even monsters make fun of you."
Problem: Run on/extra word. "in being the underling that even monsters make fun of_._" is fine. Alternately, change the connecting word (comma optional, but I think it helps distinguish the thoughts) "you're _so_ talented in being the underling, that even monsters make fun of you."
Problem: preposition use? Typically one hears that someone is "talented _at_ being", not "talented in being"

(at the academy)
Line: Will-"We have to be carefull who we choose as our sponsor."
Problem: Spelling. "Careful"

(grand tour)
Line: Iry-"Thank goodness there weren't any customer. It would've been bad if there were anyone in here."
Problem: plural. "there weren't any _customers_."


Line: Iry-"But... you'd have to wait until next time to read books. We have more places to go."
Problem: Tense. "But... _you'll_ have to wait"

Line: Cliff-"Huh? That's fine, you don't have to cater for us like that."
Problem: Preposition. "Cater _to_ us"

Scene: Academy: Will explains sewer slime job
Line: Will-"That's right. They shouldn't be trouble unless you let your guard down."
Will-"It's perfect for your first job in those regards."
Mena-"In those regards?"
Problem: Only one point is mentioned, therefore it should be the singular "in _that regard_."

Scene: Will's room
Line: Cliff-"Well... There's a lot going on."
Will-"...I guess there are."
Problem: These need to agree, either Cliff's line needs to be "Well... _There are a lot of things_ going on." or Will's line needs to be "...I guess there _is_."

Line: I'm sure he had some tough time here. Will-Sensei feels closer to me now.
Problem: plural. "had some tough _times_" or "had _a_ tough time". Furthermore the second sentence seems strange, Cliff is narrating, and he doesn't really know how Will feels, so shouldn't it be "I feel closer to Will-Sensei now."?

Scene: Sewer
Line: Lucy-"First of all, we're in no position to be choosy with our jobs."
Problem: Seems to be voiced by Aoi

Line: Lucy-"Right. You sure are know what's up, Me-chan."
Problem: extra word. "You _sure know_ what's"


Scene: Academy: Slime job finished
Line: Will-"That's why I said this job is perfect in all regards."
Problem: Job is finished, so past tense, "why I said this job _was_ perfect"

Scene: Academy: Cliff's failed dinner
Line: Will-"Are you worried about how to associate with other girls?"
Problem: This makes it sound as if Cliff is a girl himself. Perhaps "associate _with girls_", or "associate with _the_ girls"

Scene: Mena's room
Line: Mena-"...It'd be great if I can be a librarian or something."
Problem: Tense. Would and can need to match. "...It'd be great if I _could_ be" or "..._It'll_ be great if I can be"

Scene: Academy: Cliff discovers second job
Line: It says he wants consult us about this trouble he's having.
Problem: Missing word. "he wants _to_ consult us"

Line: Will-"It'll be simpler if we can just go ahead and solve this ourselves..."
Will-"But that wouldn't be training for you guys. So try your best."
Problem: Tense matching. "_It'd_ be simpler if we _could_ just"

Scene: Academy: Will introduces second job
Line: Will-"It'll be easier if we can take care of the job ourselves..."
Will-"But that wouldn't be training for you guys. So try your best."
Problem: Tense matching. "_It'd_ be easier if we _could_ take"

Scene: Will's room
Line: Will-"But Hunters back then were suspicious and were hated more then anything."
Problem: Wrong word. "hate more _than_ anything"

Scene: Mena's room?
Line: Mena-"Do you think they can be like watchdogs if we train them?"
Problem: Conditional. "they _could_ be like"

Scene: Tavern?
Line: Hanna-"Then can I request something for you guys?"
Problem: Preposition. "request something _from_ you guys?"

Scene: Academy
Line: Benjamin-"H-Hold on! I have some important matter to..."
Problem: Plural. "I have some important _matters_ to..." or "I have _an_ important matter to..."

Scene: The ghost in the forest
Line: Lucy-"That was unexpected... I thought we wouldn' t be able to hit ghosts since the don't have a real body."
Problem: extra space. "we _wouldn't_ be able to"


Scene: Prologue End
Line: ???-"And you are now begging for your life...? You are pitiful?"
???-"I shall at least make your death a quick, painless one."
Problem: Earlier lines (as well as the CG) had given the impression that he was addressing multiple parties, and that the 'you' used is plural. So should it be "begging for your _lives_...?", and "your _deaths quick_, painless _ones_."

Line: ???-"After the long wait, it is time for my kingdom to reign once again."
Problem: Confusion. Kingdoms generally don't reign, kings do... maybe "time for my kingdom to _rise_ once again" or "time for my kingdom and my reign once again" or "once again time for me to reign my kingdom". Not really sure any of these are better though... It may be fine as is...

Line: Will-"So that's why they came to us, the strongest in the Hunter's guild."
Problem: Typically guilds are referred to in the possessive, but rather the plural, as in "Thieves guild" (not Thief's guild), "Merchants guild" (not Merchant's guild), etc. so I think it should be "_Hunters_ guild"

Line: Will-"...Right. I don't know when there'll be a next victim. We'll head out right away."
Problem: "A next victim" is awkward. Try "be _another_ victim" or "be _the_ next victim"

Line: Mena-"But what'll happen to the Academy if they're not here?"
Aoi-"We will have to do with ourselves, of course."
Problem: Aoi's line is a fragment. Maybe you meant "have to _make due_ with ourselves"?

Line: Aoi-"This is all the operation fund of this Academy."
Problem: plural. "This _is the_ operation fund of" or "This is all _of_ the operation _funds_" or "This is all _of the funds for the operation_ of this Academy."

------------
Chapter 1:

Scene: Lucy's Dinner
Line: Aoi-"I have ate your food without complaining because I thought it would be a waste otherwise..."
Problem: Past participle. "I have _eaten_ your"

Line: The smell flow into the dining room...
Problem: Agreement. "The smell _flows_ into"


Line: The weird meat Lucy made has been turned into good looking steak and vegetable tomato soup.
Problem: Awkward. "steak and vegetable tomato soup" -> "tomato soup with steak and vegetables" or "steak and tomato soup" depending on whether or not there were other veggies present. As it is now, it's cumbersome and doesn't flow naturally.

Line: From this day, Mena will be in charge of the kitchen.
Problem: phrase. "From this day _forth_, Mena" or "_Starting today_, Mena"

Scene: Mena's room
Line: Mena let's out a sigh.
Problem: no contraction. "Mena lets out a sigh."


Scene: Stray Monster Job (captured)
Line: We head to the Academy so it wouldn' t bother anyone. But it was still annoying since it cried all the way home.
Problem: stray space. "so it _wouldn't_ bother"


Line: The strange monster ran into the forest screaming in its weird voice and holding its swelled butt.
Problem: adjective needs past participle. "holding its _swollen_ butt"

Scene: Cleaning the Slimes from the bath Job
Line: Lucy-"Well, I don't think he said it, intending to join us."
Problem: extra comma. "I don't think he said _it intending_ to"

Line: Lucy-"Can you take our weapons back as well?"
Problem: Lucy should only be asking about her weapons, considering the other girls then proceed to ask about their own. ("uchi no buki" also seems to confirm.) "Can you take _my weapon_ back as well?"

Line: Lucy-"Then let's get going! I can't let a mere slime have their way!"
Problem: Agreement. "can't _let mere slimes_ have their way!"

Line: Mena-"T-Then they were the ones taking our body form!?"
Problem: agreement. "taking our _bodies' forms_!?"

Line: Aoi-"I researched the Black Slime since then..."
Problem: Tense. "I _have_ researched the" (alternately I've, but Aoi doesn't seem to use contractions often.)

Line: Lucy-"...Tough luck, Ku-chan. You'd have to take responsibility and marry all of us now."
Problem: Tense. "_You'll_ have to"

Scene: Mena's room (laundry)
Line: Mena-"Don't be embarrassed and give me your underwears too, okay?"
Problem: Plural. Underwear is single and plural. "give me your _underwear_ too,"

Scene: Benjamin's Mansion (Haunted Academy)
Line: Benjamin-"...Ghost? Even a kid won't believe such a story."
Problem: Tense. "Even a kid _wouldn't_ believe"

Scene: Mena's room
Line: The large monster about 6cm long is moving its antennas restlessly.
Problem: Plural. "moving its _antennae_ restlessly"

Line: As the target flies into the hallway, Aoi-san slaps it down like nothing.
Problem: phrase. "like _it was_ nothing"

Line: She picks that thing on the ground with paper, crumples it, and throws it away.
Problem: missing word. "picks _up_ that thing"

Scene: Aoi at church
Line: ~Cliff-"Call me Cliff."~
Aoi-"Is that so? Than I shall call you so."
Problem: word. "_Then_ I shall"

Scene: Bedtime: Mena comes to sleep
Line: That's the last thing she said before Mena fell asleep.
Problem: Awkward referencing. "That's the last thing Mena said before she fell asleep." is better ordered.

Scene: Benjamin's house (Haunted vase purchased)
Line: Benjamin-"It is said to be snuck out of the treasury when a royal family fell."
Problem: Tense. "said to _have been_ snuck out of"

Already partially reported
Scene: Academy: Bedtime (Servant haunts)
Line: Servant-"Phew, that was close. I never thought there'll be a stairs leading to a basement in the kitchen."
Problem: Tense, extra word. "I never thought _there'd_ _be stairs_ leading to"
end overlap

Scene: Chapter 1 End
Line: Black-cloaked Man-"Such an impudent talk..."
Problem: Extra word. "_Such impudent_ talk..."

Scene: After the dream
Line: Cliff-"'I love you, huh?"
Problem: missing close quote. "'I love you,_'_ huh?"

----------
Chapter 2

Scene: Dinner
Line: Lucy-"They finally tresspassed in here the other day!"
Problem: spelling "trespassed"


Scene: Sheryl's room
Line: Cliff-"The public bath is for women only, so I'll take the bath here later on."
Problem: article. "I'll take _a_ bath here"

Scene: Benjamin's Mansion Job
Line: Lucy-"She's right. It'll be freaky if Ben-chan was using something this cute."
Problem: Tense. "_It'd_ be freaky if"

Line: Benjamin-"It must be the servant's.You guys can take such a dirty thing.
Problem: spacing. "servant's._ _You guys"

Scene: Tavern Baby Job
Line: Lucy-"But she sure is cute. Where is your daddy and mommy?"
Problem: Baby is consistently referred to as male elsewhere. I suppose it's possible Lucy hasn't found out yet, but still, it would avoid confusion if you stick with "he"

Scene: Baby Job Dinner after parting
Line: Lucy-"Oh man, these are my favorite foods. Man, I should've came down earlier."
Problem: past participle. "should've _come_ down"

Scene: Aoi Church about ghost job
Line: Aoi-"I wish I can recover my confidence with this job."
Problem: Awkward. "I _hope_ I can"

Scene: Lucy Shop
Line: Lucy-"Well... I don't think there are that many ghost with that much guts."
Problem: Plural. "there are that many _ghosts_ with that"

Line: I don't think guts has to do with this...
Problem: missing word. "guts has _anything_ to do"

Scene: Aoi water sprinkling
Line: ...So something like this can be a training too?
Problem: article. "can _be training_ too?"

Scene: Finding the succubus
Line: Aoi-"Excuse me to interrupt you."
Problem: Awkward. "Excuse me _for interrupting_ you."

Scene: First dinner with Kitty
Line: Lucy-"I was worried if it'll fit you... but it's perfect. It's looking good."
Problem: Tense. "was worried if _it'd_ fit"

Scene: Chapter 2 End
Line: Own voice-"The Drakul family, the Cyphon family... your mother destroyed them both."
Problem: Earlier mysterious villian mentioned that Syphon had died. Are these related? If so, consistency is good.
[Exact quote: ???-"I came since I heard Syphon was killed... but how shameful to be beaten by such people..." found in Prologue End]
---------
Chapter 3

Scene: Dinner
Line: Mena-"It's a game where you flip over upside-down cards, and you get whatever cards that have the same number."
Problem: Extra word. "you get whatever _cards have_ the same"

Line: So the concentration tournament begins. The results of the first game is...
Problem: Agreement. "The _result_ of the first game" or "results of the first game _are_..."

Line: 9 out of 12 pairs she got was obtained by pure luck...
Problem: Agreement. Missing word. "9 out of _the_ 12 pairs she got _were_ obtained by pure luck..."

Scene: Mina at the Cafe
Line: Mina-"I'm getting worried recently"
Probelm: Tense. "_I've been_ getting"

Scene: Mina at the Cafe
Line: The Cafe Terrasse is crowded today as usual.
Problem: Consistency. Elsewhere it is Cafe Terrace. (especially the hover over label)

Scene: Dinner
Line: Multiple Lucy lines
Problem: Lucy Pet name

Line: But I do wish this will mediate their relationship...
Problem: Word choice. "I do _hope_ this will"

Scene: Kitty's room
Line: Kiity jumps onto the bed again.
Problem: Misspelling. "Kitty"

Scene: Kitty at Academy
Line: Kitty-"All right. Then I'll wear this"
Problem: Missing period. "wear this_._"

Scene: Mena Cooking lessons
Line: Mena-"You need determination at the very start. No one will have trouble if that's all you need to cook well."
Problem: Tense. "No one _would_ have trouble if that's all you _needed_ to"

Scene: Kitty's room
Line: Kitty-"Lucy gave them to me"
Problem: punctuation. "them to me_._"

Scene: Save Benjamin! Poison Job.
Line: (~context: Lucy got flattered, embarrassed~)
Cliff-"Oh, Lucy's bashed."
Problem: word choice. Bashed is not used like that. Perhaps "Lucy's _bashful_." or maybe "Lucy's _abashed_"?

Line: Lucy-"Wow, as expected from Mena-chan. Nightshade is obeying quietly."
Problem: Lucy Pet name "from _Me_-chan"

Scene: Mena's room
Line: The rule is that if you cover both sides of the enemy stone with yours, they become your stone.
Problem: agreement, possessive. "of the _enemy's_ stone with yours, _it becomes_ your stone.

Scene: Lucy at the Shop
Line: Lucy-"Although the new ones are strange people like ghosts and Succubus."
Problem: Matching- ghosts and Succubus should either both be plural, or both singular.

Scene: Mena's room
Line: Lucy-"All right, I'll bring the millionair game next time."
Problem: Misspelling. "millionaire"

Scene: Dinner
Line: ~Everyone takes what they like and continue to eat.~
Problem: Agreement. "and _continues_ to eat"

Scene: Dinner (Wedding worries)
Line: Aoi-"But the priest left for an urgent business this morning and would not be back for a month."
Problem: tense. "and _will_ not be"

Line: Lucy-"The bride should be... We'll need to order another dress for Kit, and it will be difficult with a ghost..."
Problem: tense (speculation->conditional). "_We'd_ need to order another dress for Kit, and it _would_ be difficult"

Line: Lucy-"Then Mena's perfect."
Problem: Pet name. "Then Me-chan's perfect."

Line: Lucy-"I can't either. My wing would get in the way of wearing the dress."
Problem: Logistics/plural. "My _wings_ would"

Scene: Aoi at Church
Line: Aoi-"Being hot is fine, but what is troubling is when doesn't rain."
Problem: Missing word. "is when _it_ doesn't rain."


Scene: Rehearsal wedding
Line: Aoi-"I'm sorry to let you do such a thing."
Problem: Odd phrasing. "to _make_ you do"

Line: The three is watching carelessly, but I'm a bit flustered right now.
Problem: Agreement. "The three _are_ watching carelessly"


Line: Aoi-"Leon, Filis. Please step forward."
Problem: Consistency, name typo. "Filia"

Line: Mena's wearing something different... and my heart would just not stop beating rapidly.
Problem: Tense. "my heart _will_ just not"

Line: I see her eyes for a flash second, and I think they were a bit watered.
Problem: tense. either "I _saw_ her eyes for a flash second, and I think they were a bit watered." or "I see her eyes for a flash second, and I think they _are_ a bit watered."

Line: Aoi-"They are not the one to get married, so I do not need them to go that far."
Problem: plural/agreement. "They are not the _ones_ to get"

Line: Come to think of it, that must have been my best attempt to hide my embarassment.
Problem: spelling "embarrassment"

Line: Mena-"I'm your cousin. but..."
Problem: capitalization/punctuation. "your cousin_,_ but" or "your cousin. _But_"

Line: The lips I feel for the first time is soft and warm...
Problem: agreement. "The lips I feel for the first time _are_ soft and warm"


Scene: Chapter 3 End:
Line: Lucy-"I didn't buy them. It just didn't sell as the master expected. These are all unsold items we have to get rid of."
Problem: Agreement. "I didn't buy them. _They_ just didn't"
---------
Chapter 4

Scene: Cafe (Monster Kingdom)
Line: Mena-"We already know where they live. They're living in a cave in the outskirt forest."
Problem: plural, missing word. "in a cave in the _outskirts of the_ forest."

Line: Mena-"All right. I'll go tell the master that we're accepting this job."
Problem?: (how is master usually capitalized? I couldn't remember)

Line: Cliff-"Yeah., please."
Problem: punctuation/capitalization. "Yeah. Please." or "Yeah, please."

Line: You have accept the job to defeat weird monsters.
Problem: tense. "You have _accepted_ the job"


Scene: Monster kingdom Job
Line: Aoi-"They have to be the leader!"
Problem: Agreement. "They have to be the _leaders_!"

Line: Aoi-"That is expected. We are invaders that are tresspassing into their territory and hurting their kind."
Problem: missing words. "That is _to be_ expected." Also spellcheck "trespassing"

Line: The kings starts crying, then cries out loud in a strange voice.
Problem: Agreement. "The _king_ starts crying, then cries out loud in a strange voice."

Scene: Academy: Wisor appears
Line: Cliff-"Yes. The President, Will-Sensei, went to Liglia on urgent business."
Wisor-"Liglia? Oh..."
Problem: Consistency. "Liguria"

Scene: Mena H
Line: I nib on her lips, and our tongues naturally entangle around each other.
Problem: word. "I _nibble_ on her"

Line: My hand naturally move up to Mena's breasts and gently stroke them.
Problem: agreement. "My _hands_ naturally move up to Mena's breasts and gently stroke them." or "My hand naturally _moves_ up to Mena's breasts and gently _strokes_ them."

Line: My heart is pounding because of the softtness of her breasts.
Problem: typo. "softness"


Line: "... Really?"
Problem: punctuation consistency, most other leading ellipses you don't have spaces after. "_...Really_?"

Line: Mena-"I'm happy... Mine is small compared to like Lucy-san."
Problem: agreement, awkward "Mine _are_ small compared _to Lucy-san's_."

Line: Cliff-"That's not true! It's so pretty..."
Problem: agreement "_They're_ so"

Line: Mena-"... Hey, my heart's beating really fast right now..."
Problem: punctuation consistency, most other leading ellipses you don't have spaces after.

Line: Mena-"... See?"
Problem: punctuation consistency, most other leading ellipses you don't have spaces after.

Line: Good. she seems to like it...
Problem: punctuation/capitilization. "Good_,_ she seems" or "Good. _She_ seems"

Line: ~suck on nipples~
Problem: He's only on the first nipple yet, so singular

Line: But I can't go in any further. And to add, the entrance is squeezing me and not let me go out.
Problem: tense. "not _letting_ me go out"

Line: How was I able to meet Mena? I thank from the bottom of my heart to whoever brought me this fortune.
Problem: Extra word. "thank from the bottom of my _heart whoever_ brought me"

Line: Mena let's out a hot sigh.
Problem: wrong word. "Mena _lets_ out"

Line: Cliff-"Um...I'm sorry aboutr yesterday..."
Problem: typo, spacing "Um..._ _I'm sorry _about_ yesterday"


Already partially reported
Line: But there were some panic when Lucy said "you guys sleep in the same room" and Aoi-san said "it's too early".
Problem: agreement, capitalization. ``there _was_ some panic when Lucy said "_You_ guys sleep in the same room" and Aoi-san said "_It's_ too early".``
end duplicate

Scene: Benjamin's house: Wisor scheme
Line: Wisor-"But what will you do if there is a good plan to drive them out."
Problem: Tense. posing hypothetical needs conditional. "What _would_ you do if there _was_ a good plan"

Scene: Fat Sparrow Job introduction
Line: I imagine one of the Fat Sparrow perched on the roof.
Problem: plural. "one of the Fat _Sparrows_ perched"

Scene: Dinner
Line: Lucy-"Huh? Where's Sheryl today?"
Problem: Pet name

Line: Aoi-"She said it will be a bother if she's around during the meal, so she's in her room.
Problem: tense: "She said it _would_ be"

Scene: Mena H
Line: I think we're absorbed in each other's body since last night.
Problem: plural "each other's _bodies_ since"

Line: My hand caressing her breasts move down.
Problem: agreement. "My _hands_ caressing her breasts move down" or "My hand caressing her breasts _moves_ down"

Line: Mena-"Ahh, This is so embarrassing..."
Problem: Capitalization. "Ahh, _this_ is"

Line: Her walls move and tightens on me. At that instant, I push myself deep and release it.
Problem: Agreement. "Her walls move and _tighten_ on me"


Scene: Mena H
Line: I get curious, put my fingers on both side of her pussy, and push them apart.
Problem: plural "both _sides_ of her"

Scene: Cafe Terrace
Line: The plates on the counter has disappeared the instant I took my eyes off of them.
Problem: Tense. "_have_ disappeared"

Scene: Mena H
Line: ~... and slowly lowers her hip.~
Problem: plural "lowers her _hips_."

Line: The sound of our hips hitting and the wet sound echo through the room.
Problem: agreement "_echoes_"

Scene: Mena Oral
Line: My penis expands even larger and shoot cum into her mouth
Problem: agreement "_shoots_ cum"

Line: When I finally stop, my penis slips out of her tongue.
Problem: bizarre. "slips out of her _mouth_" or "slips _off_ of her tongue"

Line: Mena-"Cough... cough..."
Problem: She's not actually saying 'cough', but is rather coughing. Offset it with asterisks like you've been doing with outher sound effects. "*Cough*... *cough*..."

Line: I position Mena so she's has her butt facing towards me.
Problem: word. "so _she_ has her"

Line: I grab her firm butt and move them on top of my waists.
Problem: agreement, plural. "her firm butt and move _it_ on top of my _waist_."

Line: Her tight pussy tries to hold onnto me as her pink walls are pulled out along with my penis.
Problem: typo. "hold _onto_ me"


Scene: Mena Oral
Line: I like the answer, so I move my hips again. Her butt move as well, and rubs itself on my finger.
Problem: agreement. "Her butt _moves_ as well"


Line: Mina moans while frailing her hair around. I take my finger out her butt and raise my body.
Problem: word, missing word. "while _flailing_ her hair" "take my finger out _of_ her butt"

Scene: Mena H
Line: My penis pushed her and shake her well-shaped breasts.
Problem: agreement "and _shakes_ her"


Scene: Academy: Kitty
Line: Kitty-"Oh, Cliff... I dropped a laundry."
Problem: word "dropped _some_ laundry" or "dropped a _piece of_ laundry"

Scene: Mena H
Line: Our touching stomachs is warm. But the connection below is even warmer.
Problem: agreement. "touching stomachs _are_ warm"

Line: We embrace each other while feeling the lingerments of our orgasm...
Problem: lingerments isn't a word. "feeling the _lingering remnants_ of"

Scene: Benjamin Mansion Kidnap plot
Line: Servant-"(I can't trust that eye of yours)"
Problem: punctuate. "eye of yours_._)"

Scene: Tavern
Line: Hanna-"There are a lot of monsters that tastes good."
Problem: Agreement. "monsters that _taste_ good."


Scene: Academy: Kidnapping
Line: Servant-"(Huh...? But I guess it turned out fine since I got Mena-san to come with me)"
Problem: punctuation. "come with me_._)"

Line: Servant-"We have everything starting with oven, grill, flier, and pressure vessel. Wouldn't you like to try them out?"
Problem: typo. "oven, grill, _frier_, and pressure"

Scene: Benjamin Mansion Fire
Line: Wisor-"Oh, no. I think I promised I will not concern myself with the egg."
Problem: tense. "I promised I _would_ not concern"

Line: Aoi-"This is no ordinary fire! I feel a will of a strong spirit!"
Problem: article. "I feel _the_ will of a"

Line: Benjamin-"My mansion... my furnitures... my treasures..."
Problem: singular/plural. "my _furniture_"

Scene: Old Castle Showdown (Mena)
Line: Aoi-"Prepare yourself. I do not know your intentions, but we shall crush it."
Problem: agreement. "we shall crush _them_"

Scene: Mena Endgame
Line: Drakul might have had an affect on them.
Problem: noun. "had an _effect_ on"

Line: But our skills as Hunters don' t get rusty since there are some monster-related jobs at times.
Problem: extra space. "Hunters _don't_ get"

Line: I heard later, but the incident Sensei went to Liglia for had Drakul connected to it.
Problem: consistency "Liguria"

Line: And... as the days passed, we mature more as Hunters.
Problem: tense mixing. "days _pass, we mature" or "days passed, we _matured_"

Line: I hope we can be a great Hunter like Sensei...
Problem: agreement. "we can be _great Hunters_ like"

-----
Prologue (Lucy)

Scene: Lucy's Room
Line: Lucy-"You're coming to my room often."
Cliff-"...Was I a bother?"
Problem: Tense. "_Am_ I a bother"

Scene: Cliff explains sewer job
Line: Will-"The reward's not that big. We'll have to do this a dozen more times if we wanted to reconstruct the bath.
Problem: Tense. "_we'd_ have to...if we wanted to" Or "We'll have to...if we _want_ to"

Scene: Emergency fund
Line: Cliff-"But... we can't just just spend it because we have the money."
Problem: repeated word "can't _just spend_"

Scene: Lucy Room
Line: She's right. What's important are the people.
Problem: agreement. "What's important _is_ the"

Scene: Mice invasion!
Line: Lucy-"...Why the scary face, Me-chan? Did Ku-chan secretly ate the food?"
Problem: tense. "secretly _eat_ the"

Line: Aoi-"It is only temporary repairs, but the hole is closed off now. I do not think mice will enter from there again."
Problem: awkward, agreement. "only _a temporary measure_, but"

Scene: Lucy store
Line: ...Lucy runs out the store.
Problem: missing word. "out _of_ the"

Line: Lucy-"This is a special good in my hometown. I missed it so much that I had to buy some."
Problem: awkward phrasing. maybe "this is a _specialty_ in my"

Scene: Lucy room
Line: Lucy-"Oh, it's alien from planet filthy."
Problem: missing word. "it's _the_ alien from" or "it's _an_ alien from"

Line: Lucy-"Geez... how can you like that thing? I can't believe your taste."
Problem: context is small furry animals. should be "how can you like _those things_."

Scene: Lucy room
Line: Lucy-"The 8-legged one?"
Problem: context is spiders, plural. "8-legged _ones_?"

Scene: Gen-san construction (Big Bath)
Line: Gen-san-"Yup! This is one of the top quality works I've ever finished!"
Problem: awkward phrasing. "one of the _highest quality_ works"

Scene: Big Bath
Line: Lucy-"It's really annoying. But if I don't, it'll get wing lice and get really scratchy."
Problem: plural, taking about both wings here. "if I don't, _they'll_ get"

Line: Lucy-"I'm washing it so that it won't get filthy."
Problem: plural, both wings "washing _them_ so that _they_ won't get"

Line: Mena-"Oh. I'll help you wash it."
Problem: plural, both wings "help you _wash them_." or "help you _wash._"

Scene: Big Bath
Line: Aoi-"How will a ghost take a bath?"
Problem: tense. context is "Sheryl should have joined us" in the past, so conditional is needed "How _would_ a ghost"

Line: Lucy-"I'm sure she can talk with us. Getting to know each other while we're naked is a good way to socialize."
Problem: again, conditional. "I'm sure she _could_ talk"

Scene: Benjamin mansion Haunting
Line: ~kekeke~
Problem: needs punctuation?

Scene: Sheryl returns from mansion
Line: Lucy-"Wow. You did a great job, Sheryl."
Problem: Pet name

Scene: Benjamin Haunting Job
Line: Benjamin-"Yes. It's not a normal ghost. It throws around vases and ashtrays, creates loud sounds, and I can' t sleep at night."
Problem: extra space. "I _can't_ sleep"


Scene: Big Bath, more about Sheryl
Line: Aoi-"I have already done so if I could."
Problem: tense. "I _would have_ already"


Scene: Big Bath
Line: Mena-"You seems tired."
Problem: agreement "You _seem_"


Scene: Lucy room
Line: Lucy-"You're wondering why we have descendants, right?"
Problem: wrong word. "You're wondering _how_ we"

Line: "Not only that. I don't even know what he looks like. I was alone since I knew it."
Problem: awkward. "I was alone _ever since I can remember_."

Scene: Lucy's room
Line: Baby-Kyakya.
Problem: lacks quotes marks?

Scene: Pub - baby related
Line: Hanna-"...How are things? Does the baby cry at night?"
Problem: tense. Only one night has passed, and Cliff answers to this effect as well. try "_Did_ the baby"

Scene: Big Bath - baby related
Line: Mena-"Thank God nothing happenedin the last 3 days. I have to thank Lucy-san."
Problem: needs space. "happened_ _in"


Scene: Lucy's room - parting
Line: ...I hear Lucy voice from the corner of the room.
Problem: needs possessive. "_Lucy's_ voice"

Scene: Lucy date
Line: Lucy-"Man, I played my hearts out. It sure was fun."
Problem: singular/plural. "I played my _heart_ out."

Line: Aoi-"Oh... Lucy-san. Were were you today?"
Problem: typo. "_Where_ were you"

Scene: Wedding Planning - Surprised Lucy.
Line: Lucy stands up and walks out the room.
Problem: missing word "walks out _of_ the"

Line: Lucy's watching the sunset on the porch. The sun is setting and this place would soon be covered in darkness.
Problem: tense. 'would' implies something will occur to prevent that. "this place _will_ soon be"

Line: Cliff-"And you just go so big in my heart..."
Problem: typo? "just _got_ so big"

Scene: Lucy H
Line: Lucy puts her arms arounds me.
Problem: typo "arms _around_ me"

Line: Lucy-"Hm.. haa..."
Problem: punctuation, ellipsis needs three. "Hm_..._ haa..."

Line: Maybe because its wet, but my tips goes into Lucy without resistance.
Problem: wrong it. "because _it's_ wet"

Line: So it hurt for Siren too when they do it for the first time...
Problem: agreement. "it _hurts_ for"

Line: I instinctively explose inside of Lucy.
Problem: typo "explode"


Line: Lucy-"I'm justing thinking that we're really lovers now."
Problem: typo "I'm _just_ thinking"

Scene: Lucy H
Already reported, but alternate take
Line: I fondle her nipples with my mouth, roll it around with my tongue, and stimulate it.
Problem: agreement. plural nipples takes plural pronoun. "roll _them_ around with my tongue, and stimulate _them_."
end duplicate

Line: At that instant, Lucy's walls squeeze me with all its might.
Problem: agreement, plural. "with all _their_ might."


Line: My penis scoops out the hot love juice from her pussy, splashing them across the floor.
Problem: agreement. "hot love _juices_ from her pussy" or "splashing _it_ across"

Line: Lucy pleads me
Problem: missing word "pleads _with_ me"

Scene: Big Bath
Line: Lucy-"You're usually sulled up, but you're sharp at times like this."
Problem: word? sulled? This must be some colloquialism I'm unfamiliar with. "usually _spaced out_, but you're" maybe? (can't remember full context)

Scene: Lucy H
Line: The overflowig honey sticks to my stomach.
Problem: typo. "overflowing"


Line: Lucy-"I never thought it'll feel this good."
Problem: tense. "thought _it'd_ feel"

Scene: Lucy H
Line: Her big breasts shakes with her body.
Problem: agreement. "breasts _shake_ with"


Line: Having sex with me many times before, Lucy now shows no reserve.
Problem: tense: "Having _had_ sex"

Line: The perverted sound pleases me from my ears.
Problem: awkward

Line: It also creates a river down her thighs that reflect the light.
Problem: agreement, subject is river "that _reflects_ the light."

Scene: Monster Kingdom
Line: Lucy-"We don't care. They're rummaging our trash, so we're even."
Problem: missing word. "They're rummaging _through_ our"

Scene: Benjamin's Mansion: Plotting
Line: Benjamin-"I can't overlook such a thing. All right, I shall prosecute the Academy under the justice's name."
Problem: awkward. "prosecute the Academy _in the name of justice_."

Scene: Academy: Benjamin appears
Line: Cliff-"Uh.... kuh..."
Problem: ellipsis "Uh_..._"

Scene: Abandoned mine: "Bad Kitty"
Line: Kitty-"Sob... sob..."
Problem: she's not saying 'sob', but actually sobbing. "*Sob*... *sob*..."

Line: Lucy-"There's no one in this world that's bad by being there."
Problem: clarity, "that's bad _just_ by being"

Line: Kitty-"Ugh... sob..."
Problem: she's not saying 'sob', but actually sobbing. "*sob*..."

Line: Kitty-"Sob. Sob... Lucy..."
Problem: she's not saying 'sob', but actually sobbing. "*Sob*. *Sob*..."

Scene: Benjamin's Mansion Fire
Line: Lucy-"Will allow'...?"
Problem: Missing open quote. "_'_Will allow'...?"

Scene: Morning after the fire
Line: Aoi-"We might be facing an outragious monster..."
Problem: spellcheck outrageous.

Line: Lucy-"Hold on! I'm gonna go there and settle thing! I'm gonna tell him never to lay hands on my family again!"
Problem: agreement. "settle _things_!"


Scene: Old Castle
Line: Cliff-"Why did it end up like this...?
Problem: needs end quote. "like this...?_"_

Scene: Lucy endgame
Line: ...Sheryl and Kitty runs to Lucy.
Problem: agreement. "Sheryl and Kitty _run_ to"

Line: Lucy uses all her powers and smiles.
Problem: awkward. "all her _power_ and smiles" or

Line: Her wings were so damaged that it was actually in critical condition.
Problem: pronoun. "that _she_ was actually" or "that _they were_ actually"

Line: She said she'll fly with her again and helped Lucy's rehabilitation every day.
Problem: tense. "said _she'd_ fly"

Line: She put medicine on Lucy's wings, massaged it, and she helped out so much.
Problem: agreement. "massaged _them_, and"

Line: The wing that didn't move at all first eventually started to move...
Problem: missing word. "didn't move at all _at_ first eventually"
Problem?: plural? "The _wings_ that"

Line: Lucy-"Nice catch"
Problem: missing punctuation. "Nice catch_._" or "Nice catch_!_"

Line: Lucy-"But you said you'll catch me."
Problem: tense. "you said _you'd_ catch"

Line: Lucy-"Come on... I wanted for you to carry me like a princess."
Problem: extra word. "I _wanted you_ to"

Line: At that instant, Lucy's wing flaps flaps through the air.
Problem: extra word. "wing _flaps through_ the" or "Lucy's _wings flap_ through the"
-----------

Scene: Baby 1st day-Lucy shop
Line: Cliff-"No. Hanna-san's customer asked her if she can take care of him."
Problem: tense. "asked her if she _could_ take"

Scene: Baby 1st day-Sheryl library
Line: Cliff-(He might be a big-shot when he grows up)
Problem: punctuation. "when he grows up_._)"

Scene: Lucy's room-> Kitty wall colorings.
Line: I bet Kitty would grow up to be an honest, good girl.
Problem: tense. "I bet Kitty _will_ grow up"

Scene: Kitty's room (empty)
Line: This is Kitty's room. There are many cute stuff laying around.
Problem: agreement. "There are many cute _things_ laying around." or "There _is a lot of_ cute stuff laying around."

Scene: Big Bath - Milk drinking lessons
Line: Lucy-"This is a fundamental after a bath."
Problem: extra word. "This _is fundamental_"

Scene: Big Bath - Mena embarrassed.
Line: Lucy-"Hey, don't run away. You have the responsibility to report us what happened. Come on, fess up."
Problem: missing word. "report _to_ us"

Scene: Mina H + Kitty
Line: At that moment, I realize that there' someone in my room.
Problem: missing letter. "that _there's_ someone"

Line: Mena complains as she recocers from her shock.
Problem: typo "recovers"


Line: I smiles bitterly at my big lie.
Problem: agreement. "I _smile_ bitterly"

Line: The pleasure that almost make my penis cramp makes me ejaculate over and over.
Problem: agreement. "pleasure that almost _makes_ my penis"


Line: The sound excites both of us and gets our crotch even wetter.
Problem: agreement."our _crotches_ even"

Line: It seems Kitty noticed the cum on my penis and started sucking on them.
Problem: agreement. "started sucking on _it_."

Line: Kitty-"Hmn.. hm..."
Problem: ellipsis. "Hmn_..._"

Line: It's so erect, as if I haven't let anything out at all.
Problem: missing word. "so erect, _it's_ as if"

Scene: Mena (After Game)
Line: "Aoi-san might seem strong, but I think she's actually hates being by herself."
Problem: extra word "I think _she_ actually"

Scene: Kitty H
Line: Kitty deep-throats my penis as I requested.
Problem: extra space "as_ _I"

Line: Kitty-"I'm fine. It was really good"
Problem: punctuation. "really good_._"
User avatar
Balcerzak
Crack Addic!
 
Posts: 174
Joined: October 29th, 2007, 8:21 pm
Location: Michigan, USA

Unread postby Balcerzak » September 1st, 2008, 10:02 am

(continued)

Scene: Kitty H
Line: I lower Kitty's hip and put my erect penis there.
Problem: word. "Kitty's _hips_ and"

Line: I feel like a lightening just hit me.
Problem: word. "I feel _like lightning_ just"

Line: I'm almost there. Something hot wells up inside of me.
They all go to one spot and tries to spurt out.
Problem: agreement."_It_ all _goes_ to one"


Line: As it ejaculates, my cum fills up Kitty's pussy.
Problem: awkward. "As _I ejaculate_, my cum"

Line: Kitty's walls squeeze me and tries to make ejaculate.
Problem: agreement, missing word. "squeeze me and _try_ to make _me_ ejaculate."


Line: I feel like everything is sucked out of me with a string.
Problem: awkward. with a string? did you mean "straw"?

Line: I feel like I've ejacualted everything I have into Kitty.
Problem: typo "ejaculated"


Line: I slowly pull it and and push it in again.
Problem: missing word. "pull it _out_ and push it in"

Line: I raise Kitty's hip and support her with my chest.
Problem: plural. "raise Kitty's _hips_ and"

Scene: Kitty Exile
Line: Wisor-"Drakul... You regonize the name, right?"
Problem: Typo "recognize"

Scene: Wisor's offer
Line: Wisor-"...Although it is not as much as Mihairoff's blood, I can obtain more power."
Problem: awkward. "is not as _potent_ as"

Line: Kitty-"......All.. right..."
Problem: ellipsis "All_..._ right..."

Scene: Kitty H
Line: But that's why I decid to do as Kitty wishes...
Problem: typo. "decide"

Line: Female body is strange... Even a small hole like this can take me in.
Problem: missing word. "_The female_ body"

Line: She looks cute and erotic that it causes my heart to jump.
Problem: missing word. "looks _so_ cute and erotic that"


Line: Sucking sound echoes through the room.
Problem: missing word. "_A sucking_ sound"

Line: The instant I push it in, the sensation of rubbing against her inner walls attack me.
Problem: agreement. 'sensation' is doing the attacking "the sensation of rubbing against her inner walls _attacks_ me"

Line: Kitty let's out her voice. She calls my name out.
Problem: word. "Kitty _lets_ out"


Line: The white liquid that I let out wettens my penis and lets out the wet sound.
Problem: awkward... word? "that I let out _wets_ my penis and _causes_ the wet sound"

Previously reported, but alternate take
Line: Great sensation run up my spine as I move.
Problem: agreement "_A great_ sensation _runs_ up" or "Great _sensations_ run up"
end duplicate

Line: My penis start to move.
Problem: agreement. "penis _starts_ to"

Line: Kitty's walls begin to convulse and warns me that it's about to reach it's peak.
Problem: agreement "walls begin to convulse and _warn_ me that _she's_ about to reach _her_ peak."

Line: I push myself in from befind Kitty.
Problem: typo. "behind"


Line: I bet the third one would be the biggest.
Problem: tense. "third one _will_ be"

Line: Kitty screams and moans, and they pierce me right at my heart.
Problem: agreement. The act of Kitty screaming and moaning is the subject "and _it_ pierces me"

Line: It's not as much as the first or the second time, but I still let out large amount of cum into her.
Problem: plural, missing word. "the first or the second _times_, but I still let out _a_ large amount"

Line: We enjoy the lingerments of our orgasm like that.
Problem: not a word. "the _lingering moments_ of"

Scene: Following Kitty (not quite endgame, but close)
Line: Mena-"What does it mean by good bye!?"
Problem: word, pronoun. "What does _she_ mean by _goodbye_!?"

Line: Lucy-"...You're saying something really outragious is somewhere?
Problem: word, missing quote. "outrageous is somewhere?_"_


Line: ???-"Hyohyohyohyohyooo!!
Problem: missing quote. "hyooo!!_"_

Line: Aoi-"So... why did he come out for?"
Problem: wrong word. "... _what_ did he come out for?" or "... why did he come out_?_"

Line: Lucy-"Don't be ridiculous! We can't back out until we get Kitty back!"
Problem: Pet name

Line: Wisor-"Yes... it was a kingdom that should've came true 1000 years ago! It is my ultimate ideal!"
Problem: tense. "should've _come_ true"

Line: Lucy-"What about kigdoms!? I'll crush such a thing right here!"
Problem: typo. "kingdoms"


Line: Wisor-"Hahaha. Cyphon. It seems what you did all went to wastes."
Problem: agreement. "to _waste_."

Scene: Drakul beaten
Line: Mena-"Oh course we can!"
Problem: typo. "_Of_ course we can"

Line: Aoi-"Nobody will get in our way of our peaceful lives."
Problem: word. "get in _the_ way of our"

Line: ...Everyon'es screaming.
Problem: typo. "Everyone's"


Line: So that's the reason of that sluggishness...
Problem: preposition "the reason _for_ that sluggishness"

Line: Will-"But no one can stop you if you really love her. The problem if what you two feel about each other."
Problem: word "The problem _is_ what you"

Line: Will-"Succubus are more free and more rampant than us. They aren't boundd by anything."
Problem: typo. "bound"

----------------------

Scene: Aoi church
Line: Cliff-"Um... I'm looking for a work..."
Problem: extra word. "looking _for work_" or "looking for a _job_"

Scene: Lucy's past
Line: Lucy-"You're the first one I'm going to tell. WIll you hear me through...?"
Problem: typo. "_Will_ you"

Line: Lucy-"She said she's going out to work every night and come home late."
Problem: past tense. "and _came_ home" or "and _was coming_ home"

Line: Lucy-"Then, I was able to realize that crying won't do anything. I knew I had to live on my own.
Problem: tense. "crying _wouldn't_ do anything"

Scene: Inn - Ghost mission
Line: Hanna-"Good luck on that ghost case. I know my customers can't walk with ease around here wit hthe way things are."
Problem: typo "here _with the_ way"

Scene: Aoi room
Line: Cliff-"Yeah, I' d rather be called that than Substitute Academy President."
Problem: spacing. "I'd"

Scene: Aoi room + Sheryl
Line: Cliff-"I don't think it's lack of your powers."
Problem: missing words. "I don't think it's _due to a_ lack of your powers."

Scene: Aoi church
Line: Aoi-"Oh... welcome, Cliff-san"
Problem: punctuation. "Cliff-san_._"

Scene: Aoi church - worried about Lucy
Line: Aoi-"..She is easily attached to others, so she might get depressed when she has to part with the baby."
Problem: ellipsis. "_..._"

Scene: Aoi room
Line: Aoi-""I did. How embarrassing. It was shameful of me to think all ghosts are dead spirits..."
Problem: extra quote mark. _"_I did."


Scene: Aoi room - Aoi's past
Line: Aoi-"My family is a lineage of exorcists. My father was a great exorcist."
Problem: awkward phrasing. "My family _has_ a lineage" or "My family _comes from a long line_ of"

Line: Aoi-"I am sorry. I knew I would start crying if I talk about this."
Problem: tense. "I knew I would start crying if I _talked_ about"

Line: Aoi-"That is one of the reason. But I..."
Problem: agreement. "one of the _reasons_."

Scene: Gen-san Construction (Spiritual pump)
Line: Gen-san-"The spiritual pump is a useful thing,.. It uses a water spirit to pump water while you're stepping on the switch."
Problem: punctuation. "useful thing_..._"

Scene: Aoi room
Line: Cliff-"Sure. I can' t cook, but even Mena compliments on my tea brewing skill."
Problem: spacing, extra word. "I _can't_ cook, but even Mena _compliments my_ tea"

Scene: Academy: Pump splash
Line: Aoi-san is on the ground, soaked wet.
Problem: idiom. "soaking wet"

Scene: Academy: Aoi-san fever
Line: I'm worried about Aoi-san. I guess I should go check out on her.
Problem: extra word. "I should go _check on_ her."

Line: Aoi-"Or do one start to fee lonely...?"
Problem: agreement, typo. "Or _does_ one start to _feel_ lonely"


Line: Aoi-"But... Kitty-san is the only other person at this Academy right now..."
Problem: word "person at _the_ Academy"

Line: Cliff-"Yeah. It was hard to talk with you with when I first came here."
Problem: extra word. "to talk with _you when_ I first"

Line: Aoi-"I might have became softer."
Problem: tense "might have _become_ softer"

Scene: Big bath
Already reported, alternate take
Line: Lucy-"But I do feel a bit sorry how she can't take a bath for two days."
Problem: missing word. "a bit sorry _about_ how she"
end duplicate

Line: Cliff-"Haha. This is the opposite situation we're usually in."
Problem: missing words. "This is the opposite _of the_ situation we're usually in"


Scene: Church - Aoi confession.
Line:
Problem: No text displayed. (Cliff's VA says "sou" and this is close to after Aoi says "Eh?" or something. Immediately prior to Cliff-"You get angry and run away...")

Line: Cliff-"I always thought ... I was hated..."
Problem: ellipsis spacing consistency. "I always _thought..._ I was"

Scene: Dinner confession
Line: Aoi-"... I, Hinata Aoi, have formally started going out with Cliff-san."
Problem: ellipsis spacing consistency "_...I,_ Hinata Aoi,"

Scene: Wisor at Church
Line: Wisor-"Do you know the name Irena Mihairoff... the head of one of the Three Great Families, the Mihairroff family?"
Problem: consistency. "Mihairoff" How many 'r's?

Scene: Extended sewer->Old Castle
Line: Lucy-"Sounds likt it's worth it to search around. Let's get going."
Problem: typo "like"


Already reported but alternate take
Line: It's the family Wisor-san was talking about that turned themselves into vampires and sucks on people's blood.
Problem: tense/agreement. "turned themselves into vampires and _sucked_ on" or "turned themselves into vampires _who suck_ on people's blood"
end duplicate

Line: And at that time..."
Problem: stray quote. "that time...__"

Scene: Aoi H
Line: I gently take off up Aoi-san's top.
Problem: extra word. "take _off Aoi-san's_ top"

Line: Cliff-""All right."
Problem: extra quote. "All right."


Line: I touch Aoi-sans breasts and feel their sensations...
Problem: possessive "Aoi-san's"

Line: And it blends in with red, making a mix of colors...
Problem: extra space. "it_ _blends"

Scene: Big Bath
Line: Mena-"The wateris from the hot spring up in the mountains. This isn't your average bath."
Problem: space. "The water_ _is from"


Scene: Aoi H
Line: Aoi-san stands up and let's my penis out...
Problem: word. "and _lets_ my"

Line: Aoi-san and I waited until everyone is asleep to come take a bath.
Problem: tense. "waited until everyone _was_ asleep"

Line: I never even imagine about it.
Problem: tense. "never even _imagined_ about"


Scene: Aoi church
Line: Aoi-"Don't you feel like it is hard to breath?"
Problem: word. "hard to _breathe_?"

Line: Aoi-"I feel a hard-to-breath, sticky, stagnant flow of air..."
Problem: word. "hard-to-_breathe_"

Scene: Aoi H
Line: Cliff-"Aoi-san, your breats are so soft..."
Problem: typo. "your _breasts_ are"


Line: Cliff-"But... it's really well shaped."
Problem: agreement. "_they're_ really well shaped."

Scene: Dinner
Line: Sheryl-"Thank you... oh, this is really good."
Problem: capitalization. "you... _Oh_, this is"

Scene: Aoi room
Line: Aoi-"...I am just overit now. I think I was overthinking."
Problem: space. "just over_ _it now"


Scene: Aoi H
Line: Aoi-san raises her body and let's me halfway out...
Problem: word. "and _lets_ me"


Line: Aoi-san screams and comes. At that instant, I push up into her with all my might and hold onto her waists.
Problem: singular. "hold onto her _waist_."

Line: My penis spleashes hot liquid inside of Aoi-san over and over.
Problem: word. "penis _splashes_ hot"


Line: I grab Aoi-san's waists, then push in and pull out.
Problem: singular. "Aoi-san's _waist_, then"

Line: ...Aoi-san's upper body collapses onto the bed. Her deep inner walls convulses and stimulates my penis.
Problem: agreement. "deep inner walls _convulse_ and _stimulate_ my"

Scene: Big Bath
Line: Mena-"Oh! Is she asleep in there...!?"
Problem: extra space. "she asleep_ _in there"

Scene: Aoi H
Line: Her inner walls convulse and scream as it wraps around me...
Problem: agreement. "as _they wrap_ around"

Line: Aoi-"Hah..ha... Hah..."
Problem: ellipsis "Hah_..._ha..."

Scene: Aoi Church H
Line: Cliff-"Huh?'
Problem: wrong quote type. "Huh?_"_

Line: Aoi-san's vagina squeeze me tightly.
Problem: agreement. "vagina _squeezes_ me"

Line: Great amount of cum is poured into Aoi-san...
Problem: missing word. "_A great_ amount"

Scene: Kitty's room
Line: Kitty-"What were you doing alone with Aoi?"
Cliff-"What......!? Well, um, talking and stuff..."
Kitty-"Oh. I thought you were doing it with them."
Problem: Agreement. "with _her_."

Scene: Academy: Wisor and Sheryl
Line: Wisor-"I came because I have a business with you."
Problem: extra word. "I _have business_ with you"

Line: Aoi-"Hold on. How shameless of you to come in to the enemy's territory!"
Problem: word. "to come _into_ the enemy's"

Line: I'm screaming beofre I know it.
Problem: typo "before"

Scene: Old Castle.
Line: Aoi-"You have appeareed, Wisor!"
Problem: typo "appeared"

Line: Wisor-"Oh yes, you were there too, huh? Are you going to avenge for your father?"
Problem: extra/missing word "going to _avenge your_ father?" or "going to _take revenge_ for your father?"

Line: Aoi-"Hah.He is only a third-rate monster. It seems he needs to show off even when he leaves."
Problem: missing space. "Hah._ _He"

Line: Wisor-"...I wishd to only catch Sheryl, but having one extra prey is good enough."
Problem: typo, also awkward. "wished" but try instead "...I only hoped to catch Sheryl, but having one extra is good as well."


Line: Aoi-"Sheryl-san... I will keep Wisor busy. Please keep him at check."
Problem: awkward wording. try "Please keep him at _bay_."? or "Please keep him _in_ check."

Line: Lucy-"Aoi is provocing him and buying us some time. But I don't know how long it'll last..."
Problem: typo. "provoking"


Line: Sheryl crumbles under Wisor.
Problem: word. "crumples"

Scene: Win
Line: Wisor-"Whers is my..."
Problem: typo "Where"

Line: Wisor-"Overwhelming powers......!!?"
Problem: agreement. "Overwhelming _power_" or change prior line to "Where _are_ my..."


Line: Leaving a scream, Wisor disppears.
Problem: typo "disappears"

Line: Aoi-"B-But... that mean you are..."
Problem: agreement. "that _means_ you"

Already reported but alternate suggestions
Line: Fluttering the white dress... Sheryl's body slowly disappears...
Problem: awkward. "Fluttering _its_ white dress..." or "With a flutter of the white dress..." or "her white dress" (not entirely sure which is best)
end duplicate

Line: Our tears would not stop. Nobody can say a thing. Only Kitty's weeping enters our ears...
Problem: tense consistency. "Our tears _will_ not stop." or "Nobody _could_ say a thing. Only Kitty's weeping _entered_ our ears"

Line: Aoi-"I provoced that man unnecessary..."
Problem: typo, adverb. "I _provoked_ that man _unnecessarily_..."


Line: Sheryl-"Thank you, everyone. I am a ghost when we met and when we part..."
Problem: tense. missing word "I _was_ a ghost when met and now _again_ when we part..."

Line: Sheryl-"Please send me to heavens... with your powers..."
Problem: singular. "send me to _heaven_"

Line: Sheryl-"We ate good food together, had bath together..."
Problem: agreement. "had _baths_ together..."

Line: Aoi-"Oh, great Gods of the heavens..."
Problem: proper nounage. "Oh, great _God_ of" or "Oh, great _gods_ of"

Line: Aoi-"No, Take this soul filled with happiness... Please guide her into your hand..."
Problem: capitalization. "No_._ Take this soul" or "No, _take_ this soul" or "No_..._ Take this soul"

Line: Lucy-"Sheryl... Stay healthy even over there, okay?"
Problem: Consistency. Lucy pet name. "Sherry"

Line: Sheryl leaves her last voice and the silence returns...
Problem: awkward. "leaves her last _words_ and the"

Already reported, alternate suggestions
Line: A bit of time passed... and after we the shock of losing Sheryl goes away a bit...
Problem: missing words? awkward. "and after _a while_ the shock of" or "and after we _mourn,_ the shock"
end duplicate

Line: They showed their openness and approved of Kitty being the member of the Academy.
Problem: article. "of Kitty being _a_ member of"

Line: And when we told them about a member who died without ever meeting them...
Problem: article. "about _the_ member who"

Line: Sensei patted our head with a kind expression.
Problem: agreement. "patted our _heads_ with"

Line: And the name that came out of our mouths were the same.
Problem: agreement. "the name that came out of our mouths _was_ the"

Scene: Kitty's room
Line: I wish she woouldn't ask that sort of a question so innocently, even if she may be a Succubus.
Problem: typo "wouldn't"

-------------

Scene: Sheryl's room, baby night 2
Error in text placements, see attached screenshot. Also for convenience the save file is included
Image
Image
Image
Image
Save File

Scene: Sheryl library
Line: Cliff-"You're right... The most recent one is about a hundred years ago..."
Problem: tense. "The most recent one _was_ about"

Scene: Sheryl's room
Line: Cliff-"You don't think you can obtain real happiness if you run away from reality."
Problem: subject confusion? I feel like Cliff is chiding her for not wanting to get her memories back so it ought to read.
"_I_ don't think you can obtain real happiness if you run away from reality."


Scene: Sheryl library.
Line: The witch of ruin, cruelty, symbol of destruction... The worst witch of all time.
Problem: The parallelism seems broken. Maybe "The witch of ruin, cruelty, and destruction" or "The witch of ruin and cruelty, a symbol of destruction"
or maybe "The witch of ruin, the witch of cruelty, symbol of destruction... The worst witch of all time." which seems to fit better with the next line: "Those are the titles given to the witch named Irena."

Scene: Library-Wisor
Line: Wisor-"The Three Great Families consisted of Mihairoff family, Drakul family, and the Cyphon Family."
Problem: consistency. "consisted of _the_ Mihairoff family, _the_ Drakul family, and the Cyphon _family_."

Line: The Cyphon Family turned into Succubus that sucks sexual force to turn it into their own life..."
Problem: consistency on capitalization of "Family", consistency in phrasing, agreement. "Succubus that _suck_ _people's_ sexual force"

Line: Wisor-"The Drakul Family turned into vampires that sucks people's blood to turns it into their own life..."
Problem: consistency on "Family", agreement "vampires that _suck_ people's blood to _turn_ it into"

Line: Wisor-"And the Mihairoff Family turned into witches that directly stole other peoples life force."
Problem: consistency on "Family", possessive. "other people's life force"

Line: Cliff-(That just means they stopped being human... I don't that idea.)
Problem: missing word. "I don't _like_ that idea."


Line: Wisor-"...But we shouldn't go near the castle right now. It seems powerful mosters are dwelling inside."
Problem: typo. "monsters"

Scene: Sheryl H
Line: I gently push Sheryl onto the bad and remove her clothes.
Problem: typo "bed"

Line: I see a rather big boobs on her slim body.
Problem: extra word. "I _see rather_ big boobs"

Line: I'm a petty porson if I care about such things. I tell myself so.
Problem: typo "person"


Line: I feel vexed, so I kiss her breasts and suck on it.
Problem: agreement. "suck on _them_."

Line: We're happy rightnow.
Problem: missing space. "right_ _now"


Scene: Library - Sheryl
Line: Cliff-"Mena wanted to be a libraian as well."
Problem: typo. "librarian"


Scene: Sheryl H
Line: I put my face over her breasts and kiss it.
Problem: agreement. "kiss _them_"


Line: My penis and her wall rub against each other, giving me great sensation.
Problem: consistency. Usually 'walls' has been plural "and her _walls_"

Scene: Kitty's room
Line: Cliff-(...It's my room that's below Kitty's room)
Problem: punctuation. "Kitty's room_._)"

Scene: Sheryl H
Line: The sound of our bodies hitting and the wet sound echoes through the room.
Problem: agreement. "The sound of our bodies hitting and the wet sound _echo_ through"

Line: ~My cum comes out with a sound.~ They drip and flow down her thighs.
Problem: agreement. "_It drips_ and _flows_ down her thighs."

Line: My cum splashes out and hit the deepest part of her.
Problem: agreement. "splashes out and _hits_ the"

Line: Sheryl gets on top of me and put my penis inside of her.
Problem: agreement. "gets on top of me and _puts_ my penis"


Line: Her breasts are moving along with Sheryl.
Problem: awkward.
Suggest: "Sheryl's breasts are moving along with her."

Line: Sheryl suddenly slows down. Her waists lose power and she freezes while arching her back.
Problem: singular. "Her _waist loses_ power"

Line: At the same time, Sheryl arches her back and screams. Her pussy contracts and squeeze tightly on me.
Problem: agreement. "contracts and _squeezes_ tightly"


Scene: Big Bath
Line: Lucy-"Well. Ku-chan looks calm, but it seems likes he's a player."
Problem: agreement. "it seems _like_ he's a"

Scene: Sheryl H
Line: I start to move. Our bodies hit each other and makes a sound.
Problem: agreement. "hit each other and _make_ a sound"


Line: Sheryl pleads me with a sad voice.
Problem: missing word. "pleads _with_ me with a sad voice"

Line: Something hot come up inside of me. I'm almost about to come as well.
Problem: agreement. "Something hot _comes_ up inside"

Line: And I start to ejaculate at teh same time.
Problem: typo "the"


Line: The sound of our bodies hitting and the wet sound of her juice echoes through the room.
Problem: agreement. multiple sounds "of her juice _echo_ through the"

Scene: Sheryl H->Plot
Already mentioned, alternate idea
Line: The sweet time of lovers are over and I'm now dozing off.
Problem: agreement. "sweet time of lovers _is_ over" also just awkward. maybe "the sweet time of _lovemaking is_ over"
end duplicate

Line: She's holding the knife that she's been using to peel the apple...!
Problem: tense. "that _she'd_ been"

Line: She drops the knife and returns to the half-awake state...
Problem: article. "returns to _a_ half-awake"

Scene: Academy entrance - Plot
Line: Someone calls my name behind me.
Problem: missing word. "Someone calls my name _from_ behind me" or "Someone behind me calls my name."

Line: Sheryl-"The heads of the Three Great Family were fighting desperately to be the king of the magic kingdom."
Problem: plural. "Three Great _Families_"

Line: Sheryl-"But in the fight where she managed to defeat the Drakul and the Cyphon family..."
Problem: plural. "the Drakul and the Cyphon _families_..."

Line: Sheryl-"My mother used up all her power and she was so weak that she couldn' t cast the spell of immortality on herself..."
Problem: extra space. "couldn't"


Line: Sheryl-"So, she should transfer her soul in me and live forever."
Problem: preposition. "transfer her soul _to_ me"

Line: Sheryl-"At that time, all the memories I have forgotten came back..."
Problem: tense. "memories I _had_ forgotten"

Line: Sheryl-"I hear that the Winston family inherits the power as the Hunter."
Problem: awkward. "inherits the power _of_ the Hunter." or "inherits the power _to be a_ Hunter."

Line: Sheryl-"Another is that Carl was a master in sealing off the evil... and finally..."
Problem: extra word. "a master in sealing _off evil_..."

Line: Sheryl-"You came to here and I felt your presence. My soul escaped the seal out of nostalgia and was drawn to you."
Problem: extra word. "You _came here_ and I" or "You came to _this town_ and I"

Line: Sheryl-"I'll even consider you to be my enemy if you try to kill my mother."
Problem: word reversal. "I'll _consider even_ you to be"

Line: N-No way... Wisor-san was a Drakul...?
Problem: while perhaps technically correct in that Drakul is a family, he's always just been referred to as Drakul before. "Wisor-san _was Drakul_...?"

Line: And... Sheryl stands there agast, not moving at all...
Problem: spelling "aghast"


Line: Wisor-"It's useless... Right now, that woman does not hear anything."
Problem: phrase. "that woman _can_ not hear"

Line: Wisor-"The instant you break that seal, Irena's soul would leave Sheryl and return to its original body."
Problem: tense. "Irena's soul _will_ leave"

Line: Sheryl-"Hmph, You weak humans with only a limited life. Are you guys going to oppose me?"
Problem: capitalization. "Hmph, _you_ weak" or "Hmph_._ You weak"
Problem: phrasing. "with only a limited _lifespan_." or "with only limited _lives_."

Line: Sheryl-"I'm sure she went to get back into her original body!"
Problem: awk? perhaps "went to _go_ back _to_ her"

Line: Sheryl-"No, the seal has been considerablly weakened over time."
Problem: typo "considerably"

Line: Sheryl-"Hurry, go where my mother's body is sealed! If we seal it again now, we might still make it!"
Problem: missing word. "go _to_ where"

Line: Lucy-"Hey, you old hag! Didn't you hear Sheryl?"
Problem: consistency, pet name. "Didn't you hear _Sherry_?"

Line: Sheryl-"Like that time she destroyed the city-state along with hundreds of thousand of people!"
Problem: plural. "hundreds of _thousands_ of people"

Line: Sheryl-"Mother has used it once before to destroy a city-state with hundred thousands of people!"
Problem: wording. "with _hundreds of_ thousands"

Line: Sheryl-"The ones who game courage were these people..."
Problem: typo "who _gave me_ courage"


Line: A drop of Sheryl's tear falls onto Irena's corpse.
Problem: plural "of Sheryl's _tears_ falls"

Line: Sheryl-"Good bye... Mother."
Problem: one word. "Goodbye"

Already mentioned, but alternate take
Line: I believe the curtains to all these incidents is lowered now.
Problem: incredibly awkward
Suggest: "I believe that the curtains have now been lowered on all of these incidents."
end duplicate

Line: ~Such a thing occured out of their sight.~
Problem: spelling "occurred"

Line: Wisor or Irena might have had an affect on them.
Problem: word. "effect"


Line: Cleaning ditches, help moving, painting, cleaning windows, cleaning the public bath, advertising for the pub, etc.
Problem: parallelism. All of the items are in gerund form except one... "_helping moving_" or "_helping people move_"

Line: But I feel a bit sorry for is Aoi-san. She found her dad's grudge, but she wasn't able to defeat him herself.
Problem: missing words. "But _the person_ I feel a bit sorry for is Aoi-san." or "But I feel a bit sorry _for Aoi-san_"
Problem: usage. "her dad's _killer_, but"

Line: Sheryl-"I'm sorry for a newcomer to be so selfish..."
Problem: two sentences. "I'm sorry_._ _For_ a newcomer to be so selfish..."

Line: What will tomorrow bring? Hope and suspense is making my heart beat fast.
Problem: agreement. "Hope and suspense _are_ making"

Scene: After
Line: Sheryl-"Now, you have read through all the story in this game. But are there any CGs you have not seen yet?"
Problem: plural. "all the _stories_ in this"

Scene: Credits scroll
Line: Kanji Irena [VA name]
Problem: stray kanji? Is it "Irena" untranslated?

Scene: Monster Encyclopedia
Entry: Spartoi
Line: An artificial skeleton soldier
Problem: punctuate. "soldier_._"

Entry: RotPumpkin
Line: Gives food poisoning
Problem: punctuate. "poisoning_._"

Scene: Rubber Boots
Line: Lightning attack do half damage.
Problem: plural. "_attacks_" (if this is space limited, ignore)
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Balcerzak
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